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Scary world-uglinessAlone By Edgar Allan Poe From childhood’s hour I have not been As others were—I have not seen As others saw—I could not bring My passions from a...- blue_bird
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Unreachable placeI know I'm months late to this, but I just saw your entry here. This is exactly why I have 一期一会 as my title here. It's a Japanese phrase that has...- Grondhammar
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Not deserving things - complicated feelingsI know what you mean about not wanting to bring others down. Hiding all that stuff is something I’ve done all my life. It seems impossible for me...- WhitewaterWoman
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This morning I was greeted with an early snowfall, and it's actually still snowing now, as I type this. I consider it to be a beautiful and peaceful conclusion to two weeks in which I've made huge improvements with my mental health and issues. Starting around Oct. 13th, the anniversary of the...
today so far is good. it is not a disappointment. All my fears so far have not happened. It's my birthday. Nobody forgot. I decided to communicate this problem with my bf because i felt lke i was setting him up for failure. he seemed to remember my birthday but didnt get me anything yet at the...
I am not sure what the point of writing is. Even on good days after writing things it makes me realize my sadness more, and often time I collapse, or relapse, or whatever it's called back into the spiral. The more I talk about things, the more pointless it seems, because it's just complaining...
I sit at work. I had a cancellation, but still made money. This is good. I wrote a paper for class and turned in my responses. I thought it was funny that in one response, a student put immolate instead of emulate. immolate means to burn at the stake apparently.
I am realizing, I am still...
Age: almost 25.
Education: dropped-out college student 3 TIMES.
Medicine taking: Apa-bily, Zoplm, Valdoxan.
Self-awareness: at least 6/10. I was very toxic to my parents. I'm trying to repair our relationships now.
Relationships: willing to improve.
Eating: fixed.
Daily routine: scheduling...
I awaken to a call from my brother.
He incoherently speaks of our mother:
"Mother's sister of father!"
I wonder why I bothered.
I hang up, but the pain isn't over.
_______________________
I wake up again
No tears fall. I must distract
Before it begins
___________________
My name is Eris
I...
I went to bed early so it compensated for my cat SCREAMING for pets. I couldn't go back to sleep. I kept worrying if my bf would forget about my birthday. I am very confident that he has. I am worried about reminding him. I dont want to. He forgot to do anything for our anniversary in May. I say...
I feel better today. I have this weird spiraling pattern. once my work weekend comes (mon and tues), and i have time to be alone, i feel much better. but today i have to go to work again.
i went to visit my old location. i dont like visiting them. i feel like i dont belong. i feel like some...
I only fell in love once, and i wish to be in love with him forever. I feel like my soul was saved by loving him. That i was given so much happiness i would be able to go on living no matter how many bad things happen.
Sometimes i watch a drama that reminds me of this love and i cry for a...
Recently i have told a couple people i am depressed, and they were very shocked. this confuses me. i dont feel that i have been an outwardly "happy" person, especially because people accuse me from looking sad to looking like i shoot dope up my arm. Anyways I woke up crying. I am worried I am...
I feel this way. I feel like i am constantly fighting this urge to not be evil. My urges are more along the lines of taking advantage of weaker people, or wanting to project constantly because i am anxious and depressed. I think about how I used to view people with autism. Even back then, I...
Just over 12 months ago I was in awe of an ultrasound image of a developing 12 week old human brain in utero.
Today I get to witness that brain operating and problem solving.
There's a body and face attached, obviously :)
I'd begun to suspect this 12 month old had an eidetic memory, but...
I havent gone to the gym since before lockdown. I decided to go back because i notice i am getting too skinny. i dont like to talk about that because people wrinkle their nose on it, like its not a problem.
Recently i've been feeling confused. in my journey of solitude, I am worried that I am...
Do you think there will ever come a time when we can all just take it easy and enjoy life for more than a day? Not me, with all the thoughts that go on in my supercharged v8 engine I call a brain lately. I've taken a 3-day break from my assignments to give me time to recover and not break down...
I didnt get good sleep. I have racing thoughts and i'm always wondering if its time to wake up at around 7 am. my pets were being rambunctious today however. i felt very frustrated today. small things were not going my way. im not sure it is because i'm depressed, or i had a melt down, but i...
I got frustrated that i lost my entry and didnt make anew one. but here it is:
I did not sleep good. One thing that makes me more depressed than my personal life woes is my job woes. i feel super underappreciated, but what's worse is that, i feel that its justified. I have been in my industry...
It's been one of those weeks where I feel just drained physically and emotionally. I've been doing nothing but screwing up academically and socially apparently and I just feel isolated from the rest of the world. I've been listening to music to escape those dark thoughts, I'm not talking about...
i think one of my problems in the past was me not sleepin enough. I have been working hard to fix that. i have put my screens on all yellow light before going to bed, reading before going to bed. i think this is helping my mood a lot. i cant stay up because my cat always wakes me up at 7am. the...
I am thankful that this week is less stressful. for a few months, i've been in this depressive episode. i think i am still there but i feel i am near a silver lining. Right now I feel positive about myself in that I am beginning to believe i am worth something. the problem i really do have is...
Today I feel less nervous. I feel less nervous because i am not waiting on someone anymore. in a way it's freeing. but everyday is scary, in the sense that i dont know what will set me off into a depressive moment. (i accidentally posted this too early) Today I'm going to talk about my...