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Rena's Golden Land
- Author AprilR
- Create date
- Updated
When experiencing a hardship i cannot talk to anyone about it. Bc they dont know i am autistic and if they knew who knows what will they do to me.. I wish i had a protector - mentor in my life.
I try to be self reliant but sometimes the negativity becomes too heavy for me to carry. I try to...
I got reminded of that David Bowie song.
Burnout and started crying at the office last friday. I had to leave early because i felt too angry.
I am crying now because i had to leave work. Bc of this office i got some self esteem, but the workload is too much for me. I feel so sorry for my...
Remembering you and the feelings i felt at the time. Loving you was like paradise to me, with its good and bad.
I felt like now that i know there is someone like you in the world, someone with a heart of gold i can bear all the unhappiness i will endure from now on. Maybe i idealized you too...
Had a dream in which i was chasing the feeling of my youth. I went to the places that i went as a child, rode a scooter, i was looking my cousin that i was close to when i was a child. I chatted with her and told her about my memories of childhood. I asked to go to the art course i used to go...
Nowadays i am always exhausted. I have a job but i still don't have any friends at work. The people around me seem so energetic and they do everything so fast. They seem to run on an instinctual path as opposed to me, stumbling in the dark barely seeing anything or understanding what anything...
I guess when you experience everything alone, without having anyone to share your happiness and sadness you start to gaslight yourself into the thought that" its all in your head" your problems are not real,, your feelings are not real and its still not real when you cannot eat from anxiety and...
The day started out bad but got better in the evening when my friend and her 5 yo daughter dropped by. She seems to like me even though i am not a particularly nurturing or empathetic person. Actually most children seem to like me for some strange reason. Maybe bc i am honest and childlike too...
I got made fun of by a family friend today, bc of my beliefs. Than another person chimes in talking about how someone famous wrote an article about how god doesn't exist and bla bla.
I guess, congratulations since you can stand this life without getting suicidal and hating yourself...
I am obsessed despite the shortcomings of this show. Despite that it doesn't give that 70s feeling. Like, Daisy and Billy writing all these songs for each other, constantly seeing through each other's feelings, AND somehow performing them on stage while HATING each others guts and how the other...
I am sometimes overwhelmed by some thoughts and feelings that i can't explain. Like things resonate with me that i understand well in my soul. Unexpressed, unknown, known only to me and my creator.
I am proud of myself these times, that no one will be able to see these thoughts and feelings and...
I want to get fired so i can finally rest a little. It feels like weekends just pass by and i never feel well rested.
My job is too fast paced, and i am too slow. I am also regularly feeling angry and numb and don't have time or energy to socialize with my coworkers any more.
Today was so hard...
I dream about tellin my mom everything. Why it was so hard for me to make friends, my first love and how he made me feel like life is worth living. How my memories Somehow seemed more real than reality. Its sad that that life will never come back, but whats sadder is i won't ever be able to talk...
My mom is ill with vertigo. They don't know the cause yet. I hope its nothing bad, i sort of couldn't process what happened when my dad explained today.
I Wonder what will happen to me when my mom dies. I don't have any friends, siblings or close relatives. My parents are all i have in this...
I saw someone that went to the same college as me. Same class. It made me remember how horrible those days were. I had no one and i was constantly scared not knowing how to act. How to make friends how to pretend.
I was so depressed and emotionally unstable. Sometimes it feels like i never...
An anime from my childhood is back!!
I didn't imagine Bleach being back would affect me so much but it did! So many memories, that show was my formative years! All the characters i related to, all the feelings and relationships, and and!!!
I am just so happy and excited that its back! It made...
I only ever wanted to feel safe but never did not even as a child. I knew i was different and dirty and always made to feel like that. I am not surprised that i imagined my parents were not my real parents and that my real parents have died in a fire. I never felt close to neither of them and...
There is that song i listen to once in a while. It speaks of 90s and the childhood of the singer. It made me think of my own Childhood and i burst into tears while listening to it. But it felt good. I thought of myself as that Child, wanting to have fun and bbe innocent but all the while not...
I miss my old best friend still. I feel like i am losing part of my youth, my old self day by day. I have another friend from those days that i still talk to thankfully. But this friend was special.
I am Just living without a purpose, getting away from the things that made life magical day by...
I never seek out to hurt anyone. I don't think anyone does. But everyone hurts one another either intentionally or unintentionally. I know i don't owe anyone that is not close to me anything. But being hated feels like hell to me.
I always thought i want to help people so i can have a meaning...
