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Rena's Golden Land
- Author AprilR
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The world was empty for her. No matter where she looked, there was nothing for the things inside her. She kept on working, studying, changing her shape to adapt and surviving. And sometimes something good came to her, and went. But she somehow knew the things and people that came were not there...
Good things come to those who wait.
I hope this is true. I hope when my life ends i dont feel scared or sad. I want to feel salvation from this life's pain and worries
I honestly feel like i am not fit for any kind of relationship or even friendship. I don't have much in common with people i come across with, and when i get attached i idealize that person so much i don't even notice when i am treated unfairly. And when the person don't share what they feel and...
I feel like i am just deluding myself that i am a worthy person whatever. If my mom did know my dad was aspergers she probably would not even marry him. She prob. Did it out of pity anyway. I should not have existed. Maybe even my faith is just bc i am scared of going to hell if i commit...
I knew of a few people who treat intelligence above any other character trait. My dad was raised in such a family, he was called a retard and that he would not be able to get good marks on the university exams. He still speaks so proudly that he got first place and how that "showed his dad" But...
So my headache has lessened a little but still have nausea and fatigue. I am def. going swimming tomorrow though, i will not back out again!
Apart from that, i am still waiting for a while before i find another job bc i am still scared they will call my employer and he will be displeased with...
I was going to clean the house today but i dont feel the energy really. I had a dream about my ex friend again and coupled with the stress of the last few days it was the last straw. My stomach was in knots all day and i cried a lot.
I am feeling a bit better but i think i will do the cleaning...
I never did. When i was a Child i dreamt that my family was not my real family and that my real family died in a fire. They would someday come to get me.
As an adult i taught myself everything, things that my parents and school system never did. I relied on myself to change myself so people...
I live with fear evrryday. Fear that people will use and abuse me. They will cheat me. That they are hiding their true nature behind smiley faces. I am so scared of people. No one is beside me and i am so scared. I don't want to live if i will only experience pain in my life.
My parents never...
I called my only friend yesterday because i was feeling too awful and i thought maybe it will feel me better. As usual she did not respond. I am always alone when i am feeling awful, that will never change. If i did not have a therapist and my faith i would have committed suicide long ago...
I wonder if i will ever be able to act like myself again. Whenever i make up my mind people show their ugliness to me so casually i am filled with hatred and fear. And i want to keep myself hidden from the world until i die. Because whenever i think oh people are not that terrible they exceed my...
I am always pretending i am normal, and i have friends and a social circle and i can relate to people. I am always pretending i am smarter than i am and i fear someday people will find out the truth. I might ruin my employer's business.
I used to have a best friend that i talked everyday but...
To me, love is something more than caring for someone. When someone can see through your soul, understand you intuitively and makes you feel alive. I have lots of memories like this, people that come and go from my life, some were friends, others mere acquaintances. I never let them see me fully...
I feel awful inside but numb outside. Its like the anxiety and nausea is inside an ice shell. I hope it will pass soon.
I said what i meant to my friend and it did not end well. I had to mask but i was too anxious and i let it slip.
I am beginning to think she will not call or message me...
I was apathetic for a few days and a bit depressed. Listening to this song on a mix, i started crying Somehow.
Thinking of my own life, my father's and how hard it has been for both of us. Still, there are people who live with a greater loneliness and pain than us. We are one of the luckier...
I hurt so many people whom tried to help me or love me. I hated myself too much, i did not know i could accept it.
I am sorry for everyone who could love someone like me. You are all wonderful people and i hope you can forgive me and forget about me. I am so grateful to you and i wish for your...
I have to get used to being alone. My parents who are in their 70s still act like they will live forever. When i ask them how to do certain things they do it in my stead. For exanple i have no idea how to pay taxes. I asked mom how to do it and she said we will do it together.
I guess they...
No one ever helps no one can see how much difficulty i am having. I cannot do this anymore. I can't live with the fear of not being able to find another job. I thought i could make it without working but i developed ocd and life was hell with it. I need something to distract me but this job is...
Once in a while i get back to my old obsessions and some ships just captivate me. Like, Takumi/Reira. Childhood friends turned lovers? Us against the world? Brooding man/gentle girl? It has everything and more.
It is about a horrible person who is completely aware of what he is and makes no...