I feel this way. I feel like i am constantly fighting this urge to not be evil. My urges are more along the lines of taking advantage of weaker people, or wanting to project constantly because i am anxious and depressed. I think about how I used to view people with autism. Even back then, I thought even deeper, "what if i hate these people because i relate to them?" (little did i know i was just hating myself). I still have this feeling that this is why i am evil (my autism). I think an example that best comes to mind is star wars and star trek.
in star wars, as we know, there are siths, and siths deal in absolutes. I feel, one of my personal traits of autism, is that I have a very polarized mind set.
In star trek, there is the borg, who assimilate. I personally like the idea of a hivemind. I like the idea of a bunch of people working towards a greater cause. I think identity can be overrated, especially in the US (the us' obsession with individuality affects why people here hate masks (the want to stand out and not blend in, and they think they are unique enough to be exempt from the rules of a pandemic), and in turn as resulted in less mask wearers, more denial, and the reason why other countries have banned their citizens from coming here. i think many us people or westernized countries that are new relative to old countries with a more homogenized population will see this as a repulsive idea.
In the past, I liked these attributes of myself. I always looked up to people (movies/shows/divas) who were powerful and evil, because, i am realizing, i related to that.
i dont think I am evil in a psychopathic way, meaning i have a conscious. i dont like mutilation. I basically like to watch things unfold on people who make bad decisions. I will try to help sometimes, but i see no point, as everyone thinks i'm an idiot anyways, and they do not listen to me.
here is another picture of my evil children. they are evil because they dont let me rest and they use their charm to make me forgive them.
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