Asperger's & Autism Forum

Lately I've been thinking about it a lot. I don't have any friends, any family, anyone special. Also, I don't feel entitled to have any friends, family or SO. No-one owes me anything. Also, I love myself in a lot of ways so don't give me the I need to love myself bullshit. I really don't see a reason to be alive if everyday is just the same and there is no motivating love factor.

I am going to share something very personal. I hope that y'all will be kind.
I went to a therapist after not having seen one since college. I have seen two in my life, but I was unable to open up to either of them due to my past history of abuse. I was hoping that after all these years maybe I could actually open up in therapy. I also have a long history of depression, but I can no longer take anti- depressants because when I finally found one that worked after trying about 15 or twenty different ones, The Effexor not only stopped working but it made me suicidal. I mean I seriously considered walking out in front of an 18 wheeler that would go by my busy road daily.

Well, I made an appointment to see a therapist and I was trying to process my life so that I could learn to make better choices. My therapist, a woman had been in the military (which she made a point of telling me on several occasions) She would go from being nice and warm to strongly confrontational and even mocking...

Sometimes, I'll make up words that seem to sound better to me than the actual words for things. Often they are rhythmical in nature.

When I was a child I gave things in the home, their own names, that sounded better than the actual words, which at times I found hard to say.

So, for example burners on a stove became 'rounders,' pet rabbits became 'bounders.' Even siblings names were changed to become easier to say. People might think of them as nicknames.

Have you or did you create words that seem more appropriate to you? Or do you call things by other names?

Have you ever wondered if people notice you have autism?

I've always wondered this, especially when there are certain people who I see every day.

I kind of think there might be one or two at work who suspect me, but sadly it's the kind of thing that will have to remain a mystery for now.

I'm curious about what other people think of me, but it's like forbidden knowledge unless I ask them, which isn't usually a good idea.

I’m feeling very out of sort since yesterday. My sibling and I went further Christmas shopping, and I found that a little overwhelming. This is not a complaint about Christmas or Christmas shopping, I find it stressful but a lot of people do anyway. What really affected me was that the realization that I’m virtually socially awkward and isolating myself. Obviously, I know that this is down to my AS but it still doesn’t make this easier. I was wearing suitable clothing choices for the weather, plus I’m still sick, so chose to wear a hat. I look a bit stupid in a hat, but at least I was warm. I went into a shop to get some items for my parents, and felt very intimidated by the cashier. I can’t deal with people asking me something (very quickly in talking) and I don’t know if I’m perceiving it wrong (probable) but I felt that the cashier judged me and was like” what the fudge is wrong with her” when I turned to get my sibling to translate what the woman had said. It wouldn’t have...

IF I get to bed at my usual time, 11pm, I will wake up around 7am. If this is the case I will enjoy my morning. If I happen to fall asleep during the day, meaning taking a nap, I won't be able to sleep until dawn the next morning and sleep until 2pm in the afternoon. If I sleep more than 10 hours I will get angina and headaches during the evening. Your risk of health problems increases with oversleeping just as they would with sleeping too little. I try to sleep no more than 8 hours and no less.

Here is one of the main reasons I wish to have been born deaf: My mother STILL doesn't understand. It's like she's too busy trying to prove me to be wrong all the time. She always questions my sensitive hearing because I seem to tolerate noises that are loud enough for hee to hear in her room from mine or loud music from the headphones I use to block out the car's loud engine. She claims that's louder than anything else, but I can hear through that music, too, depending on how loud the noise is. Then she questions how I can't "get used" to everything else that hurts my ears. She, once again, blamed the earplugs I constantly have to wear for not understanding what she says and claims that I can't hear. I keep trying to explain to her that there's a difference between hearing and understanding. But hell.. No one ever listens to me. They just question, thinking that I can only tolerate my own noise and can't hear what people are saying. That's not true. I can hear their voices...

Hello to everyone again. I posted a “I'm a new member” post a couple of nights ago under the introduce yourself section. And I mentioned that I was going to have a couple of questions since I'm the NT and the man I'm involved with is most certainly an undiagnosed aspie. And all of this is new to me.
My hope is that some of you will be able to make sense of my questions.
And in the spirit of full disclosure-- this turned into a very long post! Just wanted to give that heads up
I appreciate anyone that wants to offer some insight for me. And I apologize in advance for anything I say that might sound wrong or even possibly insulting. I'm just learning about this.

I had been trying to mentally compose and condense the post I wanted to submit and got hung up on a certain part.
The reason is that on some other websites with articles, tips, and whatnot that I've been reading I came across a few people (some aspies, some not) that stated --as if this was a well known fact -- that...

As you guys might know I was working as a security guard. Yesterday, I was told that I was being reassigned to a different site because the client at the site was not happy with me. Today (my day off), I've been told that there is no other site available so that my employment is being terminated. I was told to turn in my uniforms this week. I honestly do not really know what I did wrong because nobody will tell me. They just use very generic, non-descript language. If I take a long and honest look at myself, I probably did something to contribute to this situation but I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what I did wrong. I don't even think I've been there long enough to file for unemployment.

I guess it is a good thing that there are plenty of menial jobs available, I managed to save up enough money to put myself through some 40 hours of security training so I might be able to get into healthcare security. I don't really know what I am going to do but I will figure it out....

So last night, I was doing the dishes, and I talked to my mother about how my autism is a part of my personality. She kind of thinks it is bad, but I told her that it really isn't. I even gave the good qualities like how strong obsessions can be turned into careers and that many autistic people are strongly loyal.

But then I had a hard time giving examples, so I stopped and told my mother that I was having trouble getting my words out and explained how I have trouble wording things when trying to explain things to her, and it seems like she understood! We also talked about other stuff as well, and we had no conflict what so ever! That is like the first time I still felt good and not stupid after concentrating with her.

Of course, she says that at my age, I should be talking about interests and stuff with friends as most mothers usually don't talk to their kids like their friends. I understood that as well. She also cooked some delicious salmon that I'm going to eat later....