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Asperger's & Autism Forum
So I got the dreaded news that my father has wound up with cancer. Frankly, I am pretty devastated and numbed by the news. According to the reports I've heard there's not much hope. Even though we never really got to spend much time together,(him and my mother were never married, nor got along well), we have a lot in common. I firmly believe that he is an undiagnosed high functioner, I am diagnosed. We also share a lot of other things in common too, a love for nature, music, carpentry, woodworking, welding etc.
Anyways, I broke the news yesterday here in the chat room. I was stunned to find out that nearly everyone there had lost a parent to cancer. I've received some PM's as well, with condolences etc, and even more people who have lost parents to cancer have shown up. (I do realize cancer is common, especially in old age, but many of the people lost parents at younger ages).
As my brain was racing today (like usual, but especially hard), it got me to thinking about if autism...
Ok so all my life ive been hopeless with female interaction of any kind. If i see a girl im attracted to i avoid them and if im in a situation where i have to talk, well lets just say i crumble on the spot. I dont know where to put my eyes, i just kind of look every where other than the actual girl. At the ceiling, at the floor, behind her..... wherever. And my speech turns into a jumbled up mess of stuttering and mumbling and nonsense. On a couple of occasions i developed a tick in the form of head shaking. Total meltdown!
For around 6 months now there's been this girl who works in my local shop. She works evening's Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Its fair to say that she is definitely my type. She's pretty, blonde, glasses and she's really quiet and shy and extremely polite. I dont know why but my autistic senses tell me she could be a fellow aspie. Maybe that's the reason I can actually converse with her. I feel an energy when i talk to her and my heart beats like a drum...
I have Asperger's and my weirdness in uncomfortable situations has created so many issues that my wife seems ready to leave me. Picture as an outside observer the following: a man talking to a woman in a bar that he knows, not near his wife, not calling his wife over, and not introducing his wife. Picture: A man sending a package to some woman without his wife's knowledge. Picture: A man being invited to a gathering via facebook messenger from a girl to whom he was attracted. The man's friends are also invited and keep asking if he is going. He keeps responding with wishy washy answers like "Maybe", "I have to see", "I don't know" and "I'm not really sure." Picture: A man goes to a bar during a vacation. The next day, someone else at the bar mentions a drunk girl. The man acts weird. When questioned by the wife of why the drunk girl isn't mentioned, the immediate answer is "I don't know." After repeated questioning, the man states that the drunk girl was flirting.
I haven’t had a friend since I was 13 years old and that was mannnnnnny years ago. It wasn’t “real”. I was an only child and had exclusion when I was at preschool. No one wanted me around. I got the same reaction at school but the first two years were tolerable till I was about 7. I was excluded and had this feeling inside that I was “different”. I was badly bullied till I left school at 17.
I’ve made attempts online but somehow they turn on me, severely bullied me, excluded me or just flat out ignore me. (I tried forums for music/art/tv/graphics and Facebook) It was like they were almost annoyed by me (I never harassed just said hello to them). I somehow had a cold reception on every group I joined and like I wasn’t part of their “clique”. I tried many forums and moderators even turned on me and others joined up with them putting me down. It wasn’t like I was breaking invisible laws everywhere and like I was breaking some certain unspoken “code”. This lead to tears and pain. I...
ahh, the old saying. just be yourself. there is truth to it, but things that make me, me, are also things that others find displessurable. i often have to make modifications to how i act in order to not just be a drain on others who are talking to me.
I strive to be normal. i have the tendancy to want to fit in, and there have to be certain things one must do in order to stay a contributing member of conversation. this sometimes clashes with what i would rather do. sometimes a conversation devolves into a checklist type thinging. i have to do this when he does that, kind of like using precalculated senarios to juge how to act.
it is monotomous, i would rather be myself, but socailly, it is viewed as wrong.
when you get to know the person, you can make it normal for you not to be normal, but the socail rules are more constrict with first time engagments, you have to boil your identity into what you are going to say. even the act of not saying anything, is saying something
It's a well-known fact that people on the Autism Spectrum have digestive tract disorders. In my case, my irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) became severe in my early 20's. I am now 47 and the intensity of my IBS is getting worst. I have tried dietary changes, probiotics, and countless other things and none of these brought my IBS under control. I know take 3 types of psychiatric medication at maximum dose and that is barely enough to keep my symptoms under control. In short, my IBS is all about Anxiety and my Anxiety is all about IBS. With that in mind, I would like to know if anyone else with Aspergers experiences the problems that I have and I would like to know if they found successful treatments.
I apologize if this is long and unorganized.
My wife of 5 years was diagnosed with Asperger's last year.
A few months ago she started putting a lot of time and attention into her friends...well one friend specifically. I questioned her about it and she denied that there were any feelings there other than as friends. She was constantly texting him; first thing in the morning, throughout the day, she'd even step out of the shower to text him back, and while we were going to sleep. After a week or so of my noticing this I confronted her again and she admitted to having feelings for him. She wanted me to be her house husband and for him to be her boyfriend. After a lot of talking and discussion between us she told him that she can't love two people. After this I wasn't comfortable with her keeping in contact with him, but she wanted to continue being best friends with him. NOTE: I am like 99% sure that nothing physical happened between them.
A few weeks go by of us trying to figure...
Some may recall previous posts, for about a year now I've been casually dating a lady, I say casually because we've never officially said we're dating, but do lots of things together... And interestingly she is bi-polar with a very quiet personality, is there middle ground? But we are both Christian's, something very important to me, and also an eclectic artist too, about the same age as me, both in our 40's...
Being perhaps a typical Aspie, it's my first dating experience and I'm 46! Also being a typical Aspie, my ability to communicate emotion is very poor, thus why I'm one year in and apparently we aren't officially dating...
The last few weeks, I'm sensing that I might be losing her a little... Start with early February, asked if we should maybe do something for Valentine's Day, it was a very sharp "no thanks" and a long moment of silence, awkward... I felt like I had to ask, maybe I shouldn't have but if I didn't ask what would that seem like, communication still...
I've been thinking about this a lot and noticing what causes shutdowns and meltdowns in me.
I'm most prone to shutdowns, but I do get both.
What I've noticed is that anxiety is always present before both happen. If anxiety comes up in a social situation, a shutdown will follow. If I get hit by loads of noise, my brain tries to push it away, and anxiety occurs. Last minute changes cause a spike of anxiety. lots of little annoyances cause slowly building anxiety.
So the question is, do shutdowns and meltdowns occur because of the external stimuli, or because of our anxiety reactions to the stimuli?
I done a test on many occasions which is this;
Go into an environment where there is a stimuli which would normally cause problems. Meditate and "let the stimuli in", don't try to push it away, but accept it completely.
The result for me has been that no anxiety occurs, no overload occurs and I neither get shutdown nor meltdown. It's impractical of course as I also can't do much...
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