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Asperger's & Autism Forum
hello, I’m new and today I was fired.
It began last Saturday. It was an event for children, and I have done many before with good results. I’ve also enjoyed them. Last Saturday was horrible and I am feeling very upset, angry and confused— despite it being explained to me what went wrong.
The event was split for six hours for different age and ability ranges. Unfortunately, my colleague and I had to deal with a child that was not suited for the event. The child was feral. He vandalized property to the extent of severely damaging several pieces of equipment and also attacking one of the other kids viciously with equipment. His mother was called several times to handle her child but she didn’t take the necessary steps that I guess you’d expect a reasonable person to do. After refusing to participate, further damages and overall awkwardness that prevented other kids to participate and enjoy the event, my colleague had had enough, so I volunteered to take over. It did not work. I...
I like when my NT daughter in law and I compare notes. I realize it doesn't fit everyone, but it does help understand some of the differences in how we think. We were talking the other day about small talk and I was (on my mind because of conversation here) lost when it come to what to say to people IRL. She was saying it was hard for her to grasp the difficulty in that. I think what it is, is that she's a product of her environment. She lives in her environment more and these things do just come naturally. I live more inside my head. While I've always been instructed how to act and how to be, it doesn't match my insides. It never has. I once asked a friend how she can so easily get the dr to put her on Xanax or whatever she wants, I can't seem to convince them that I need anything. She said it was because I appear calm on the outside. She's right. On the outside I'm as calm as a cucumber while my insides are a 100 mph train wreck. I've always said my insides don't...
So nervous. Mind on overdrive.
Frightened that the verdict next month will show I am below normal intelligence. All stemming from authorities telling me as a child that I am backward and too stupid.
I swear I would never take an IQ test and find I have no choice.
Worried that they will leave out vital clues to me having aspergers.
I don't intend for this to be just be a long, sad story where everyone feels bad for me. That's what it is, but that's not the point. I know it's really long.. this is something I've been thinking about for years, and my brain is all out of thoughts. I've talked to therapists and a couple friends about it, but they're all just sympathetic about it. I want something a little more analytical.
7 years ago, I saw someone down the aisle of seats, leaning his head on someone. Somehow, just from that, I immediately became obsessed with him.. I couldn't stop thinking about him to the point where I couldn't function, so I decided I'd tell him just to get it over with.
He did this thing where he'd say he liked me and we'd hang out then he'd say he's Christian and we can't be together because it's wrong. I'd totally freak out and be suicidally depressed, he'd changed his mind, we'd date, he'd change his mind and say we can't, on and on, sometimes saying it during or immediately after sex....
Recently, a man I know got upset with me. He was constantly trying to touch me, specially in the waist area and face. I honestly don't like that. I kept on moving away and he didn't seem to get it. He aproached again and I just yelled at him asking him why he was always trying to touch me. As soon as I yelled, he froze and almost immediately walked away saying: ok, I get it.
We recently talked but he seems to be uncomfortable. I have thought maybe it is better if I stop talking to him (as always happens ).
I don't go to parties to avoid something that is very frequent: body contact without permission. I remember I would ask people to avoid atempting to hug me or bury their faces on my neck. Now I never set foot in those places. I even remember one of them reacting in the worst way and everyone looking at us (he was drunk) and my brother warning him to stay away. It's been more than a year and If I get invited to that specific place, I decline.
But, I have been...
@the_tortoise thread poll lead me to think about this, which I've thought about quite often. I didn't want to change the subject so I've created a new thread on regression.
I sometimes have felt like I'm regressing in autism traits.
As a child I had difficulty talking - didn't learn to talk until I was in second grade and sent to a speech therapist. I know I mumbled and my family would complain that I didn't speak clearly. I know I rocked back and forth. I didn't know how to make friends or be social. As a teen I preferred staying in my room doing my own thing and had no interest in the things kids my age were interested in (except smoking pot. lol)
My adulthood I had kids I was responsible for so I had no choice but to adjust into the working world. I made myself 'play the game'. I had some friends and I had learned ways to socialize. Any stemming was usually unnoticeable. I was able to make myself fit in when I needed to. I did have some difficulties and had...
If you feel you don't need or would not significantly benefit from any help at all**, then there is no poll option for you and I apologize for that.
If I could have added more poll options, there would have been one for "I don't need any help with independent living"....but I could not. (I would have added several more poll options if I could have, so I apologize if you have support needs that do not appear here -- if you feel comfortable sharing them in a post I hope you will.)
Please note that for the one about personal care tasks, I mean to ask if you need help with any of the things listed in brackets (or any similar things) -- not if you need help with all of them. (Sorry that is not clear -- I can't change to be more clear now that people have voted.)
**Some autistic people need help that is not available. They manage to stay alive and be some degree of "okay" but face constant struggle and hardship that seriously diminishes their quality of life and their ability to...
So, I went to grade school, elementary, middle and high, all through EC classes because I'm autistic. Which is fine, I'm okay with that, minus the undeserved bullying and out casting.
What I'm NOT okay with? Its the fact that by fifth grade onwards, every single kid in my classes COULDNT READ TO SAVE A DYING HORSE. And keep in mind this was upwards from fifth grade! About 10 students in each class matched my age or was a few years older, and when they had to read something aloud, they'd spend anywhere to five minutes (I SWEAR THAT ISN'T A JOKE) trying to pronounce a word four letters long.
Ten year olds. Twelve year olds. Even those dwarfing my age by six years more were absolutely braindead trying to figure out a single page of a textbook. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there reading everything like a dern text-to-speech module from a computer, railing so fast the teach has to tell me to stop and let everyone catch up. In fact every school I went to, that tested me and confirmed I was...
There is an italian song that says '' is there something you really care about? that makes you really happy?''
I can't answer or rather- I would be able to answer but my ''thing'' is a person that isn't a part of my life anymore and I don't know how good it can be to believe that people are solid walls to lean on.
My question then is, do you think that are things or people that make us really happy?
I think that things lead to a passing happiness that in the long terms it will run away but people aren't made to stay, therefore, are we destined to suffer and that's it?
okay, this is just a part of the things that go through my mind and I know that actually it's a difficult and depressing thing to answer but I ask it here because I like to hear others ideas and then I know, or at least I perceive, that here I'm accepted
I will get my results and diagnosis tomorrow, Friday, November 9th, 2018! I'm just worried, though.. What if I'm not autistic? Are all my problems for nothing but an unknown curse? Am I a curse? If there is a reason for my problems, then what is it if its not autism? Also, why did I go nonverbal last week? (I think I had a severe meltdown due to a loud lawnmower, aka another torture device! Then for some reason, I couldn't speak! It was about an hour or so until I slowly started speaking again..)
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