• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

AprilR

AprilR

Well-Known Member 32
Joined
Last seen
Messages
1,482
Blogs
1
Blog entries
36
Blog entry comments
23
Reactions
5,070
Points
223

Profile posts Latest activity Postings Blogs Blog entries About

  • AprilR
    Recently a coworker said she worried about me when my mom had surgery, about whether i had someone i can rely on. She prob. understood i did not have many friends. She often asks me "do you wish you had siblings?" bc to her being an only child is weird.
    AprilR
    I feel very alone. I really wish i lived in another country rn because there is no help for autistic people where i live, no autism support groups, no group homes, no accomodations no Nothing. I feel like i dont even exist sometimes
    AprilR
    AprilR
    And like, i feel like i have no right to pretend to be nt when i am not. I dont want potential boyfriends to know i am autistic, bc they prob. Dont even know what that is, and why i dont want children, and why i dont have any friends. Why i cant do anything properly.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Is work getting to you? You sound more down than usual. I know work office affects you.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    It def. affects me a lot. But its not only that. Losing a 15 years friendship, bad relationship with family members etc.
    AprilR
    Reading about Laika made me tear up. I have so much empathy for animals
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Ugh, that's one of those stories I have to block out and never think about. Terrible. Warning: if someone doesn't know who Laika was, don't google it. Just forget it, you don't want to know.
    AprilR
    Managed to eat dinner, do laundry and the dishes. Also started on my report due tomorrow. I can decide to quit my job anytime, this thought relaxed me
    AprilR
    I have 3 legal drafts waiting to be written due monday, and i have to put in laundry. All i want to do is sleep and quit work when Monday comes.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Hey, are you a paralegal?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I am an attorney.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    So sorry. You are so down to earth. My bosses were attorneys. My last paralegal job, my boss is now a judge. There is a lot of office politics in law offices. I was surprised at the amount of office politics.
    AprilR
    I don't want one more day of work.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    The job did nothing for socialization. No one at work likes me
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Sorry. It's something we struggle with on the spectrum. A lot don't understand us. I have people constantly assuming incorrect things about me. Now l don't care.
    AprilR
    I am extremely over worked and feel like a slave.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Meanwhile everyone talking about so and so's wedding. God what a relaxed life!
    Judge
    Judge
    Sounds like you should be formulating an exit plan. Nothing worse than showing up for a job you dislike over great period of time. Been there, done that and burned the t-shirt.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Thank you, i cant quit rn bc my employer fired my only coworker. The job also helps me feel productive and worthy
    AprilR
    In the end this job still makes me feel good about myself so i will persevere for a little longer. When i am stuck at home with my parents it does not do good for my mental health
    AprilR
    I told my coworkers about the fight i had with my parents. They are not my close friends but i had no one else to talk to
    tree
    tree
    How did the co-workers react?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    They understood and supported me. I felt better afterwards
    AprilR
    I am starting to feel furious and it is getting hard to suppress it.
    View previous comments…
    Mr. Stevens
    Mr. Stevens
    That is a good point. People often don't respect or accept our anger. I can relate to that a lot. Suppressing it, though, can lead to depression. I know you post about feeling depressed a lot.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I am used to depression. Anger makes me feel worse than sadness or emptiness though. It feels endless when i feel angry
    Mr. Stevens
    Mr. Stevens
    I get that, too. It is really hard. It seems like that happens when we have no outlet, or don't let ourselves vent. That's my experience, anyway.
    AprilR
    Had another fight with my parents bc i got angry that they did not tell me about my moms surgery until the last moment. I felt like a coddled child and ashamed of myself
    AprilR
    I am crying right now. No matter what i do it is not enough for NTs. They will never see me as someone worthwhile.
    View previous comments…
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Hang tough. We got you covered.
    oregano
    oregano
    I eventually realized that I would have to voluntarily remove myself from the "normal" world because I would never be accepted there. I would rather be a hikikomori in the temple of Nature's God. At least there there is no petty judgment.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I wish i could live as a hermit too but sometimes i get too depressed when i compare myself to others
    AprilR
    My mom got surgery and they told me at the last moment. I feel like a dumb invalid
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I feel so exhausted and worthless. I can't seem to do anything right. My uncle also told me i should have learned how to drive but i dont have good experience with driving.
    AprilR
    Thinking about my old friend who ghosted me makes me feel so bad. I never understood what happened but i felt undeserving of her. But at the same time, i never wanted to hurt her. It was my ugly nature that hurt her.
    View previous comments…
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Yes not feeling a closure of some kind really sucks. And there are people who expect you to be mind readers. If he made you feel bad about yourself its prob. best he is out of your life. For some people relationships come and go and it is easy to cut off people
    Judge
    Judge
    Yes- the whole "mind reader" aspect is what bothers me the most. If true, likely reflecting my brother assuming I think like him and can instantly perceive all those unwritten rules his mindset is accustomed to. Which implies to me that he really doesn't understand my autism at all.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    It is sad that even family does not know each other well sometimes. But just bc people misunderstand us it does not mean we did not do our best to get along with them.
    AprilR
    Me whenever i interact with people like my normie friend: actually this person needs therapy more than me
    AprilR
    AprilR
    The way some people do anything to keep other people in their life is mind boggling to me.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    The unhealthy and twisted relationships people get into. Like why? Why is being lonely such a bad thing?
    AprilR
    I am trying my best but i am tired all the time and everything is going wrong at work. I think i will have to quit.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I did a burnout test and the result was "severe" So i dont think i am just lazy or spoiled
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
Top Bottom