I was doing a lot of thinking. How my parental figure failed me as a child and young adult. How important is the status in society when you can't provide for your child's special needs. Like needing back braces, eye glasses, braces for over bites that affect the jaw, getting your child evaluated for developmental disorders, ect.
Just a little resentful I suppose because my whole life I thought I was weird, defective, useless, dumb. I'm not sure if i were ever sent home from school with a recommendation for a eval of autism, but my older sister said I was sent home with papers and my mom always told her I was fine. The school records office has been of no help to me.
This pushes my buttons because I don't think parents should have the right to decline their child help. I think if the parent needs assistance that they should get it so the child doesnt have to suffer later on in life.
My mother told me she knew i was different from the moment i started talking. Other children made fun of me and shunned me because i spoke in babbles and "backwards". In kindergarten i couldnt identify my own name in the box we kept our name tags and my teacher called me stupid. My mother got me changed to another class and thats when i was put into occupational therapy. But only for dyslexia.
Its kind of amazing i wasnt diagnosed with autism then. i often had classic symptoms such as hitting myself in the head, fidgeting, rocking, bouncing, jumping, pushing my fingers into my eyes, covering my ears, ect. I remember my hearing constantly being checked like always. It was often. because they thought i was hard of hearing. I just wonder why i went under the radar. i admit i did mask some of my symptoms at a young age of 6 because i noticed people staring at me when i hit myself in the head. I think thats when i started blinking excessively.
Luckily ive been privilaged to not have to be in overstimulating places for too long, if i felt uncomfortable i could leave. There are times i couldnt leave and i would have to cover my ears, moaning and groaning.
I just often wonder if my NT mother didnt get me help because she didnt know the symptoms of autism and thought i truly didnt have it, or did she not help because she didnt want me labeled
Just a little resentful I suppose because my whole life I thought I was weird, defective, useless, dumb. I'm not sure if i were ever sent home from school with a recommendation for a eval of autism, but my older sister said I was sent home with papers and my mom always told her I was fine. The school records office has been of no help to me.
This pushes my buttons because I don't think parents should have the right to decline their child help. I think if the parent needs assistance that they should get it so the child doesnt have to suffer later on in life.
My mother told me she knew i was different from the moment i started talking. Other children made fun of me and shunned me because i spoke in babbles and "backwards". In kindergarten i couldnt identify my own name in the box we kept our name tags and my teacher called me stupid. My mother got me changed to another class and thats when i was put into occupational therapy. But only for dyslexia.
Its kind of amazing i wasnt diagnosed with autism then. i often had classic symptoms such as hitting myself in the head, fidgeting, rocking, bouncing, jumping, pushing my fingers into my eyes, covering my ears, ect. I remember my hearing constantly being checked like always. It was often. because they thought i was hard of hearing. I just wonder why i went under the radar. i admit i did mask some of my symptoms at a young age of 6 because i noticed people staring at me when i hit myself in the head. I think thats when i started blinking excessively.
Luckily ive been privilaged to not have to be in overstimulating places for too long, if i felt uncomfortable i could leave. There are times i couldnt leave and i would have to cover my ears, moaning and groaning.
I just often wonder if my NT mother didnt get me help because she didnt know the symptoms of autism and thought i truly didnt have it, or did she not help because she didnt want me labeled
