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Personal
I knew of a few people who treat intelligence above any other character trait. My dad was raised in such a family, he was called a retard and that he would not be able to get good marks on the university exams. He still speaks so proudly that he got first place and how that "showed his dad" But...
So my headache has lessened a little but still have nausea and fatigue. I am def. going swimming tomorrow though, i will not back out again!
Apart from that, i am still waiting for a while before i find another job bc i am still scared they will call my employer and he will be displeased with...
I was going to clean the house today but i dont feel the energy really. I had a dream about my ex friend again and coupled with the stress of the last few days it was the last straw. My stomach was in knots all day and i cried a lot.
I am feeling a bit better but i think i will do the cleaning...
I never did. When i was a Child i dreamt that my family was not my real family and that my real family died in a fire. They would someday come to get me.
As an adult i taught myself everything, things that my parents and school system never did. I relied on myself to change myself so people...
The title kinda sounds like the start to some self-aware joke. I wish I could say that it is... it's not.
I have been looking at behavior patterns with myself. The things I do and how I behave in the worst moments. It all wreaks of attention seeking. But like, juvenile attention seeking. All...
I think I am stuck on mental auto-pilot as far as trying to live. The auto-pilot is survival or maybe, more specifically, existing. No matter if I am in a bad situation or not, I treat it as a bad situation by default. And just go through my habitual motions. Ignoring reality and life.
I am now...
Fake it, don't make it.
Your thirst - you can slake it,
If born of the lauded,
You just have to take it!
A country once proud.
Brought low by that crowd.
Strip mined of love,
Insulted out loud.
My Gramps and your granny,
Became our good nanny.
Gave all that they had,
And we sold it for fanny...
I had a not so great day today. I froze up, stared into space, and just shut off. Even though there was a task to do today. A few of them in fact.
Fix the disk fixture that holds the lightbulb, in the garage.
Help with trimming the bushes and cleaning up.
I did neither. I shut off and shut...
I can easily recognise other people's feelings via body language
I can instinctively pick up on tone of voice and facial expressions
I feel guilt, remorse and shame a lot of the time if I feel I have upset someone (an overwhelming awkwardness)
People's feelings matter to me, even if someone...
I called my only friend yesterday because i was feeling too awful and i thought maybe it will feel me better. As usual she did not respond. I am always alone when i am feeling awful, that will never change. If i did not have a therapist and my faith i would have committed suicide long ago...
I know I have always talked like humanity is something to be apart of. Yet I have days where I question that notion. Question if I truly belong.
Do I even belong on this forum?
Do I belong anywhere?
I feel like the only place I belong, is in my own darkness. Hidden from the world and living...
I hate street charity collectors with a passion. They make smartarse comments when I obviously feel uncomfortable in their presence. However, their presence would not be an issue if they did not approach me. I have no problem with someone standing behind a street stall touting their cause but...
I wonder if i will ever be able to act like myself again. Whenever i make up my mind people show their ugliness to me so casually i am filled with hatred and fear. And i want to keep myself hidden from the world until i die. Because whenever i think oh people are not that terrible they exceed my...
- I don't have sensory issues with bright lights, smells, touch or taste. Yes I have a phobia thing of clothing tags but it's more down to OCD than sensory
- I am able to lie and understand theory of mind
- I can understand body language, face expressions and tone of voice well
- I get...
I am always pretending i am normal, and i have friends and a social circle and i can relate to people. I am always pretending i am smarter than i am and i fear someday people will find out the truth. I might ruin my employer's business.
I used to have a best friend that i talked everyday but...
I see my folly.
I am afraid of the truth. I am afraid to face myself. I have never in my life have ever let go of anything. I have blamed this. I have blamed that. But I have largely blamed myself for things that I have no control over. Blamed myself for things that never existed. Blamed myself...
This is a thing I need to admit to myself. No matter how much I despised her, I still took on her traits.
I took on:
- Being Pessimistic
- Despising everyone and everything
- Being overall negative about everything
- Blaming everyone but myself
- Being Selfish
- Panicing over simple things that...