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Personal
There are a million things I could write about, but I know from experience it’s the best to limit each post to one topic, even if this feels restrictive or artificial.
In the long run, if you keep blogging, eventually all the thoughts will be let out, and by making this limitation, now you have...
I’ve been looking into this on and off for a couple of years, and I’ve always joked with my close online friends of my “autism”.
But last week I randomly started reading this forum, plus a couple of books, and now I’m convinced I have autism.
I want to be cautious as I don’t want to...
A word of warning to any who find themselves here out of curiosity: I am not sure about that motivation and to be honest all that follows is spontaneous and (for the most part) unedited [and I am typing this now before any editing has a chance of occurring and for that very matter, this sentence...
Uninstalled WhatsApp. Probably an "all or nothing" response to things, but I might as well expand upon my reasoning. The only person I speak to on there is Meg, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm waiting for responses. Not sure how, but now she's not working, her replies seem to be even slower...
Freedom or restriction?
Each time I became single I felt freer. When me and Meg decided to go back to being friends I felt a physical relief from how much anxiety I’d had in our relationship.
Thing is, since then I haven’t really felt that free, and whilst reflecting on my behaviour and...
Tuesday
Drove to meet Meg on Saturday morning. Woke up early, had a shower, got the paper as soon as the village shop opened. Then posted it through the letterbox at my parents and set off. The drive was easy enough, I made good progress as I left around 6:05 and so the roads were very quiet...
Didn’t smoke this morning. Congratulations? Not sure. Don’t feel really with it today even though I’m sober. Feeling rather foggy.
This morning I heard 4 loud beeps every 30 seconds in the cabin. I tried to pin point it. Initially I thought it was the alarm. I never paid too much attention to...
Seem to be stimming more of late. Moments of pure hyperactivity. Some of it is on the drive home. Masking in the office and then a big release that’s needed to acclimate I suppose? Not sure really. It’s short, intense bursts of very loud, random noises and exaggerated movements and all sorts...
I feel like I need to be utilised better at work. But with the boss and his partner away, there isn’t really much I can do other than when Craig needs a hand. But he answers virtually all the calls, because 9 times out of 10, any calls I do take will be queries for him anyway.
With customers...
Smoking first thing isn't good. Starting the day in a haze. A smoke in the morning is more intense and lasts longer. I’d claim it’s enjoyable, but often it isn’t. Whilst it lasts longer than a smoke during the daytime, it’s not a good way to begin the day, and it’s been this way for months now...
My son excels at imaginative play, of all things. (He hasn't been officially diagnosed, but I suspect he is neurotypical.) I love him dearly, but he is mentally exhausting. His sort of play is utter chaos and requires getting ALL HIS TOYS spread ALL OVER THE HOUSE. I don't mean a pretty magazine...
Odd language use set me off down the rabbit hole today. Meg messaged me this afternoon saying:
"I've gone in to cambridge for the afternoon to try and make a friend tinder not-date. Is good to meet a new person :)"
One thing I'm still adjusting to is knowing she's in Haddenham but not...
My mom is ill with vertigo. They don't know the cause yet. I hope its nothing bad, i sort of couldn't process what happened when my dad explained today.
I Wonder what will happen to me when my mom dies. I don't have any friends, siblings or close relatives. My parents are all i have in this...
Restful beginning to the week. Walks in Aldreth and into the nearby woods. It's about a 30 minute loop, and I spent some time in the woods. I did said walk Mon, Tue and Wed after my first day at my new job.
In terms of workload it'll be easier than all but my first job. The location is a big...
I saw someone that went to the same college as me. Same class. It made me remember how horrible those days were. I had no one and i was constantly scared not knowing how to act. How to make friends how to pretend.
I was so depressed and emotionally unstable. Sometimes it feels like i never...
Reaching the end of this bug that I had. All that lingers is a tickly and slightly chesty cough. The whole thing has lasted about 8 days now. Slept a lot last week, clearly it was needed. Hadn't really done a great deal. Met a friend last Thursday. First proper in real life meeting. She's the...
I only ever wanted to feel safe but never did not even as a child. I knew i was different and dirty and always made to feel like that. I am not surprised that i imagined my parents were not my real parents and that my real parents have died in a fire. I never felt close to neither of them and...
I originally posted this on the writing forum I'm on in honour of the Feast of Saint James, (July 25) I'll edit it slightly to remove anything stating that today is his Feast Day.
Then came to him the mother of the sons of Zebedee with her sons, adoring and asking something of him.
Who said to...
There is that song i listen to once in a while. It speaks of 90s and the childhood of the singer. It made me think of my own Childhood and i burst into tears while listening to it. But it felt good. I thought of myself as that Child, wanting to have fun and bbe innocent but all the while not...
I miss my old best friend still. I feel like i am losing part of my youth, my old self day by day. I have another friend from those days that i still talk to thankfully. But this friend was special.
I am Just living without a purpose, getting away from the things that made life magical day by...