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Personal
I am growing tired of, even find annoyance, with videogames. Not because I just flipped a switch and just started hating them. It's a more personal reason. Videogames have consumed my whole life or at least what little life I had through existing.
I've noticed that all my mind wants to think...
After the events in Israel of October 7th, I fell into a pretty bad spiral of fear and doom. Watching subsequent world events affected me very strongly until finally, this past weekend, I pretty much just fell apart.
My blogging here during that time was emotional and I have removed some things...
I will be meeting with a health care provider for the first official step toward my evaluation for ASD.
I believe that today's step is just the initial screening to see whether I get to take a full evaluation.
Still, I am extremely nervous. This will be my first time speaking with an authority...
My wife shared with me today the fact that having the framework of autism as a prism through which to view my behaviors has already helped her to understand me better.
We have a fantastic marriage and she is a remarkably patient and empathetic person who also happens to have an academic...
I got a text from an old co-worker of mine today. He's a really good guy whom I respect, but we only chat once or twice a year. We usually talk about politics and current events.
Today I told him that I'm making peace with possibly being ASD1.
His response? "Oh. Makes sense. It also explains...
As I make peace with the falling away of my religious faith, I have been going to atheist YouTube channels and reading some threads which discuss religion.
I have been very surprised by some aspects of the atheist channels and by some of the posts by non-religious people. The number one thing I...
I got up early today and have been reading a lot. And I've suddenly started crying.
I started crying for no reason. For no reason other than:
Reading an article on Medium entitled, “Your brain is constantly looking for rules.” — why autism is exhausting and diagnosis matters
I don't know why...
Remembering you and the feelings i felt at the time. Loving you was like paradise to me, with its good and bad.
I felt like now that i know there is someone like you in the world, someone with a heart of gold i can bear all the unhappiness i will endure from now on. Maybe i idealized you too...
I grimaced as I slowly sat down in the cushioned chair next to the window in my room. The grey, evening mist swirled in the parking lot and around the drab houses and bare trees across from the hospital. I contemplated the ominous sound the doors had made when they locked behind me upon my...
Where is evil in the world.
Where is hatred in the word.
Hiding in the grass tight curled,
Or is it just a cost incurred.
In fact is it a real concept,
Or just a simple category.
Is it that we can't accept,
That we are just as predatory.
But then as we misunderstand,
That which we speak so...
Every time,
I add a line,
I look at it,
And think it's fine.
But when I add,
Another one,
I look above,
And see it's wrong!
In nineteen hundred and ninety nine,
Thinking I was doing fine.
I launched myself into the dark,
And found the...
As I become older I started to appreciate simple and basic tasks. My new idea is to start daily gymnasics and keep diet. I have a strong desire to do it.
I have started three days ago and I do like keep doing that. I believe it is good to my health and prise the Lord to give my that idea. I...
Racing racing through my brain,
Is there balance to maintain.
My thoughts a virtual food chain,
And nature never knows humane.
So anyway, I feed the beast,
Daily news at very least.
And even when I think off-piste,
My knowledgebase is still increased.
It seems that first it needed filling...
So I wrote a blog entry for the first time yesterday and I feel terrible about it. Actually I feel terrible about everything. Depression has set in on the eve of going back to work after I wrote such a glowing review of my current position. How will I get through the day? I know you can call in...
I've had two 9-5 jobs, but I don't think the first one really "counted" because I was working for my family, and they accepted me for me. But the first time I stepped out of the nest and tried a 9-5 with strangers, boy was I in for a wakeup call. For the first year I could basically stay a...
Nowadays i am always exhausted. I have a job but i still don't have any friends at work. The people around me seem so energetic and they do everything so fast. They seem to run on an instinctual path as opposed to me, stumbling in the dark barely seeing anything or understanding what anything...
My memory has a habit of failing me, I'd like for it to work, but it just eludes me half the time