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Xinyta's thought space

Xinyta
1 min read
Views
16
Personal
I am fairly certain I am gay. It just is starting to make alot of sense. I really cannot justify anything else. I've looked back a little at thoughts and what I tend to go to alot for adult content. I don't seriously think I could justify being with a woman partner. Ever. I'm, if anything, akin...
Xinyta
1 min read
Views
16
Other / Off Topic
It's going to sound strange, but I feel like I have gifted powers of a sort. I can see and sense alot of energies. Elemental and even emotional energies. Positive and Negative energies. Essentually, the auras of life itself. I can even tap into the source and feed from it, if I desire to...
Xinyta
1 min read
Views
38
Reaction score
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Personal
Just to preface this for those who are unaware or are thrown off by my profile pic. I am male. A very confused male trying to find his way. I am starting to believe from my behaviors, and actions, that I might be gay. The only thing putting a monkey wrench in that certainty is a lack of sexual...
Xinyta
1 min read
Views
40
General
The voices echo. The very actions of people seem all against you. Yet it all doesn't exist. Negativity warps thoughts. Anxiety warps perception. Depression warps reality. The darkness lurking in the subconscious, is like a imp whispering foul obscenities into your ear. It traps our...
Xinyta
2 min read
Views
37
Personal
I know the title doesn't make sense, but it pertains to my habitual desire to quit before I even begin. I've taken to calling it Quiter's Syndrome. Though humorous labling aside. I do consider this a serious issue within myself. Though the two major points that made me break to the point of...
Xinyta
1 min read
Views
236
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3
Personal
I am a Self-tormenter. Inflicting punishments on myself. Believing I don't deserve anything, because I will not allow myself to get over my own upbringing. I feel like the only thing I am obligated to is beratement and punishment for being who I am. Though the worst punishment I have done to...
Xinyta
1 min read
Views
407
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1
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5
General
This is my biggest problem that haunts my every move, action and general thought. I am starting to see it as immaturity, due to my lack of understanding of how life functionally works in every way. I have no experience in many things, but I self-doubt success in every regard, despite having zero...
Xinyta
1 min read
Views
88
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Personal
There are alot of factors that either are traits of my parents or cause by them being horrible people: - My response to being suggested logical considerations, is self-deprecation. - My response to being called out, is throwing a tantrum. - My response to life being the way it is, is fear. -...
Xinyta
1 min read
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72
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1
General
I have found that hate has twisted my veiw on alot of things. It all starts with my hatred of my Stepmother. It ends with me hating just about everything else. The core of it is mother issues. Never having a good one, let alone having one orginally in my life. My Dad was and is absentee...
Xinyta
2 min read
Views
69
General
I think I've found a sense of drive that holds me looking forward. Or at least has me looking up. Even though I missed a large portion of it. I watched the episodic documentary 'The Last Dance'. It's all about Michael Jordan and his journey to becoming the legend, being the legend, and...
Xinyta
1 min read
Views
132
Comments
1
General
I am really beginning to wonder why I eat. And no. I am not unaware that I, or anyone, eats to survive and stay strong. It's not about that. It has to do with this psychological mindset I have been at battle with to overcome. I eat like I haven't eaten in weeks, months, or years. Not that I...
Xinyta
2 min read
Views
106
Reaction score
1
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1
Personal
For a very long time, I have felt trapped by the situation I was in growing up. But the truth is, I wasn't as trapped as I made myself believe. The only real trap was the lies I told myself. That I am in a hopeless situation. My stepmother despised me. My father never was around as much as I...
Xinyta
2 min read
Views
80
General
I've come to a realization about myself. A very... disturbing realization. I have decided that ever since I was 12 years old, that I shouldn't care anymore. I shut off my emotions, my personality, and my own capability to pay attention. Both my Uncle and me have agreed that it had something to...
Xinyta
1 min read
Views
239
Comments
1
Personal
I am growing tired of, even find annoyance, with videogames. Not because I just flipped a switch and just started hating them. It's a more personal reason. Videogames have consumed my whole life or at least what little life I had through existing. I've noticed that all my mind wants to think...
Xinyta
2 min read
Views
91
General
"When we withhold trust out of fear or cynicism, we starve our humanity." This sentence holds alot of meaning to me. Fear is the core of what plagues my very mind and heart. Fear that was seeded from my parent's upbringing and the fact that I at no point in my life questioned any of it till...
Xinyta
2 min read
Views
120
General
Tonight has been a big one for me. Not because of an event or someone visiting. Tonight is a big night because I am facing what I internally have feared for a long time. Failure. Or more specifically perpetual failure. Constantly expecting myself to fail somehow and avoiding to try entirely to...
Xinyta
2 min read
Views
304
Reaction score
1
Comments
1
Other / Off Topic
Honestly. I see alot of mixed beliefs with religion and God, heaven and the like. Good on everyone for having the views you do. Mine are... not as cut and dry. Though I'll try to shorten my thoughts as much as possible. No sense writing a novel to get across info. I have stated a few things...
Xinyta
1 min read
Views
191
Other / Off Topic
Life is finite. A flash in the overall universe, Yet it's a journey. We despise it, Yet we must face adversity. In crossroads are we tested. In crossroads are we forced to face our demons. Pressure refines the soul, Like a diamond after ages of earthly formation. Our truest selves are revealed...
Xinyta
2 min read
Views
623
Comments
3
General
I am feeling less and less motivated with each passing day. Less and less desire to try anymore. Maybe I've been trying too hard to be what I'm not. Or maybe I am not trying hard enough to break the mindset I've overwhelming been in for 27 years. I always feel like I never do enough. Even when...
Xinyta
3 min read
Views
208
General
Let's talk about what I have been thinking about. But first, some music that has had inspired my thought process: I have noticed that since my moving to my Uncle's house. I have been on a journey. Already ran into many crossroads that have challenged me and have changed my perspective on...

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Xinyta
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