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Hate. No one has any idea how strong of an emotion it is. No one thinks about the pain that is caused to create such feelings towards others, let alone towards the self. Experience is a teacher in this way.

For someone, like myself, with ASD. This is a world too real to properly describe. To despise other people and yourself so much that it feels like that's all there is. Endless pain. It's an addiction. An addiction, like drugs, that destroys you from the inside out. But unlike drugs, it's more gradual.

On this journey, I have gone through a personal hell that has destroyed alot of me. But unlike many, made my spirit stronger. My hidden reserves of will are the only reason I write this now. I should of been dead many times over my life. But yet I breath and still walk. Yet I still live. Why? Because I know, especially now, that the torment I went through will turn into amazing.

"You must be willing to traverse and survive the deepest, darkest, part of hell and you will climb out a better person for it."

That's what I did. I went through hell and now emerge better for it. How much better? That doesn't matter. What matters is the lessons learned along the way. That speaks for itself.

This is my journey.


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