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Leia’s Autism Diary

Lilacleia16
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Identity-first language says, “I am autistic.” Person-first language says, “I am a person who has autism.” I prefer identity-first language because it invites culture. Person-first language causes shame about one’s disability. Autism is not like an addiction to be shamefully recovered from. It...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
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106
Personal
Tonight I went to the ladies conference and there were traveling stage lights and a loud speaker system and a very large crowd and I just kind of froze. I went into a trance. People kept asking me if I was ok and it was so embarrassing. It felt like being on a rollercoaster and wanting to puke...
Lilacleia16
3 min read
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140
Personal
Maslow’s hierarchy I feel that some people focus on aesthetics and want a lot of money to create the perfect look for themselves or their home. Some people seek fame because they have a deep need for esteem and found their talents and honed them to get recognition. Some people focus on...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
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108
Personal
I can sense aura colors and feel the vibe of a person with my heart field and know things about their personality. The sun lights up my chakras and I can feel energy being channeled through me. I feel the warmth of God like a whirlwind of light that picks my spirit up like sand. I can feel...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
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625
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2-12-24 I didn’t know I couldn’t read facial expressions because I thought all there were was happy, sad, surprised and angry. Happy being turned up lips. Sad being turned down lips. Surprise being an open mouth. And angry being eyebrows down. I realized I didn’t understand when I was on the...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
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159
Personal
2-11-24 I feel like I live in a world without people in it. I have people I talk to online like in this forum and my online boyfriend and acquaintances at church but no real friends. I only have my mother and we only talk on the phone. I get SSI for autism because of it being a disability so I...
Lilacleia16
2 min read
Views
59
Personal
A. Verbal stims: 1. Tap a pen 2. Swing my legs 3. Rock while standing from one leg to the other 4. Make groans or sighs a lot 5. Humming to myself til I got made fun of for it in school 6. Making bird noises very loudly like I am talking to the birds 7. Yelling at inanimate objects 8. Fake...
Lilacleia16
2 min read
Views
106
Personal
2-11-24 What’s your score on the test below? Mine is 204 out of 240. Free Neurodivergent Test The DSM V defines autism. I'll summarize: -Deficits in social interaction and communication -Deficits in making or reading nonverbal cues and behavior -Difficulty maintaining relationships...
Lilacleia16
3 min read
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490
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1
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2
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How do you see the world as an autistic person? There are 5 options and they are each governed by one of the five senses. Explain your perspective. 1. Stereovision 2. Vibration vision 3. Picture vision 4. Smell pictures 5. Taste visualizations I'll go first: Temple Grandin described picture...
Lilacleia16
4 min read
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456
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2-9-24 One of my therapists (that’s actually not the autism specialist) has a lot to say about my autism. But not all of it is helpful. He links taking a shower or not taking a shower being due to no sense of external control. This translates to me as will. It’s not a matter of the will though...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
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103
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2
Personal
Does anyone else count your steps as you are walking?
Lilacleia16
2 min read
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62
Personal
There’s so many smells. So many of them are bad. The rain in the city by the harbor smells like fish and car exhaust. It’s not like the rain in the country that smells fresh and clean. The hallways in my apartment complex smell like the perfume and disinfectant of cleaning products. The worst is...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
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79
Personal
My special interest is personality tests and I have another account on Personality Cafe with all the tests I created. https://www.personalitycafe.com/members/lilacleia16.573046/ That’s my profile if you want to add me, and here are the tests...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
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81
Personal
I’m learning to plan my days with a better internal locus of control by giving myself options then asking Ziggy (aka Alexa) to pick a number to decide which option I pick. Here are the options: Sunny Day Plans: 1. Rollerskate 2. Basketball 3. Long walk Rainy Day Plans: 1. Draw 2. Write a poem...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
Views
81
Personal
Does anyone else have an unusual fear of water like me? I also fear sponges because they stink and it’s like I can feel the little bacteria critters and mold and mildew seeping into my pores when I touch it. I use yellow rubber gloves to touch sponges but the gloves also have a bad smell that I...
Lilacleia16
6 min read
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258
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1
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I had a meltdown when I was in an airport overnight waiting for the next days flight. I remember feeling fine one minute then completely lost and afraid the next and in the moment I didn’t even realize I was banging my head on the glass because my meltdown had escalated past logic. The cops took...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
Views
102
Reaction score
1
Personal
2-5-24 I remember being in this big assembly room and I was sitting with my classmates when this girl that was really pretty came to sit next to me. I remember telling her that no one would like her if she liked me and that it was ok because she didn’t have to be my friend. I understood back...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
Views
223
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2
Personal
2-4-24 I have the hardest time sitting through a movie especially before dark. I end up pausing it to pace my room or call someone. I didn’t go to church today because I still don’t feel emotionally adjusted after my break in routine. Interesting how one break in routine leads to a domino...
Lilacleia16
1 min read
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83
Personal
2-2-24 I can’t seem to plan my day the day of…only in advance and since I didn’t plan today I can’t motivate myself to get out of bed.
Lilacleia16
1 min read
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98
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2-1-24 Since I changed my routine by cancelling all my plans today I shutdown completely and slept all day and didn’t feel like listening to music or watching a movie. It’s 5:49pm now so I’m going to force myself to watch a movie and invite over a friend to make my dinner because I really can’t...

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