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Xinyta
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  • I am testing an idea of limiting my usage of my phone. Since a large amount of time is spent on this time waster. So far my mind has been clearer. I've noted things I generally would of never given second thought to, or cared to.

    "Not another day. No more confusion. No more living life to die." - Waking Up by Julien K
    I saw a episode of Wagon Train today that was about self-blame. Barnaby sees blood on his hand because of a kid he shot in reaction to what he thought he saw as a threat. It turns out the kid was a real troublemaker anyway. The blood on Barnaby's hand was in his head. It couldn't be seen by anyone else.
    Mr. Stevens
    Mr. Stevens
    That's from Macbeth, originally.

    This remix of Julien K's song 'Waking Up', is just wonderful. Also, this is the first time I listened to the lyrics really closely. The message of the song is all about breaking free of negative cycles.

    This song was pretty close to me before, but now I feel like it is resonant to the journey I'm on right now.

    I've had this in my head alot today. This has helped define what my psychosis feels like. This song's somber, almost numb, tone is how I feel when I spiral mentally.
    I have something on my mind that I really haven't thought about in a long time. I feel like doing some artwork of it. But whether I will or not, is up in the air.
    We got 5-6 inches of snow yesterday. The forecast was only for 2 inches. It's 23°F out currently. For you folks that use celsius, it's -5°C.
    You know. This is going to be morbid, but thinking about it. There are plenty of times in my life where I, by all rights, should of been dead. But that also puts in perspective how strong my will is. My stepmother may of broke me in alot of ways. But my spirit couldn't be extinguished. It's the one thing she had no power over. I'm alive and there is nothing she can do about it.

    I've been coming back to this song lately. It just feels like the epitome of how I feel, overcoming this psychological stuff.
    Misery
    Misery
    Iji, now there's something I hadnt heard of in a long time
    Superbowl went better than expected. More so because of the fact that my Dad came over and it went well. Our neighbor also came over to visit too. I have alot to think about right now. Post later about it.
    I have been thinking about something that I am not sure how to bring up in words. Maybe once the superbowl stuff dies down, I'll make a post on it.

    Sonic Adventure nostalgia here. I think this is part of something I miss about gaming. Something that feels like a fading memory. Actual enjoyment in the gaming medium.
    My mental state hasn't been the best the past two days. But I do feel I have a bit more control over how much it overwhelms my being. I definitely haven't behaved anywhere as bad as I use to.
    I've got some things to think about for tomorrow. With Super Bowl coming up, my Uncle has a few things he wants lined up for food. Wings, Chilli and Egg Rolls will be the main things. So it will be busy day.
    The morning has started in a odd way today. Waking up with a headache and with the feeling of one my nasal cavities being blocked up. Both have gone away now.
    It's 2am. I am tired. Yet I do not sleep. Maybe if I stopped watching videos for 5 minutes, I may sleep.
    I feel like it was my mistake to try and share an interest. I won't try again. Just stick to blogs and maybe profile posts for those things, I guess.
    Misery
    Misery
    I'd be happy to share the thing with you, if you'd like to see it. I've got the concept sheet and everything written out for it at my desk here. The thing is kinda scribbly, but still.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    I would be glad to see it~
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    Misery has some deep insight that I noticed in few threads I struggled like you for years because of my family...not raised properly. Ye, so had my years of trying to heal and build myself up. that I ever opened up this way as on forum, I never trusted and locked everything inside. how others bring up the demon and is based on my recent discovery that when people treat you right, it's cognitive therapy to roots.
    There is always talk of hope. Of good. But it's hard to believe, when all you see is negativity and pure evil.

    But maybe that's the core of human nature. Evil. And the path to betterment is accquiring what we don't naturally have.

    But if that were true, we'd walk the path of demons. Because no one would care to fix themselves.
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    Ye, invited to tai chi to stretch, no blonds at this class. the ferns growing in pesticides and so I tried to swirl my waters, stretched fern leaves growing/healing energy. I opened up.... Something against my grain....we did prayers to release Crown Chakra for another broken soul...
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    Is it asd or neglect that I shy away...want to be alone. If she opens her Chakra for forgiveness and life force....first time a Japanese was in our class. The only other misfit in broken unpublished place is me. A Darwin moth confused by 2 worlds
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    Expendable (echo echoloation)I suppose I left before having episode....don't have echoloation in class....don't repeat word expendable I know drill deal with demons, don't bring them to class or sound wind chime busser til demon leaves
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