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Trending blog entries
It's difficult. But I need to ignore my negativity. I need to ignore my psychosis. The delusions I have all the time, are not real. I just need to remind myself that I can beat this.
My issue with memory is purely this psychosis. Namely because I generally stop caring about anything when I have...
I really am seeing how difficult it is to be positive when I have the mindset that 'I'll always be kicked down for trying or doing or being'.
I am thinking this has to do with way more than how my stepmother treated me. And alot more than Dad being absent as a father. Just due to my worldview...
I want to be alone and not need anyone. I am tired of being hopeful. I am tired of hurting people without even knowing what i did. I am tired of the guilt. I want to live and die alone and in peace. I don't want anymore guilt on my conscience. I wish the people i met, like my friends never met...
I believe Everything happens for a reason. If i lose a friend it was meant to happen.
I was masking with her a lot, trying to overcome my anxiety about unexpected situations. But she thrives on unexpected situations and seeks them out, even dangerous ones. I am too stressed to try to fit in...
I dont want to deal with everything alone when my parents die. I feel like i had enough of life and don't want to do anything more. I am done. I am latching on to meaningless people in case they will help me or be with me when something bad happens. I don't want to experience this once more.
I think of suicide as a sin but sometimes i cannot help but feel like it would be good if i get sick with a terminal illness and die soon.
I sometimes feel all alone in the Earth, no mother and father who is there for me. No friends who see the real me and support me.
My therapist did not put up...
Touch- Sight=
People vibrate as colors. It’s like an aura but I feel it instead of see it. Each nationality vibrates as a different color than their skin tone. Native Americans vibrate as yellow variations even though their skin is red. Black people vibrate as red variations even though their...
I can honestly say that my childhood has been horrible. Trying to live all alone without anyone to depend on was horrible.
Parenting your own parents, along with yourself and being their marriage counselor was horrible.
Being all alone with my problems and suicidal thoughts was horrible...
I decided to watch church online. I kept shutting down during the service and it was all I could do to stare straight at the pastor and hold onto my seat. You see, there were too many kinds of hands giving me handshakes, too many different smells when I got hugged, and boy was it loud during the...
Nowadays i am feeling calm and accepting of what fate has in store with me. I still have the fear of suicide deep inside me but even that does not make me anxious. I will try to endure what life will bring me and i pray it won't be too painful.
What i want to stop doing is making extra effort...
I went to a concert yesterday. It was a band from my childhood, that i disliked in the past bc it reminded me of my childhood years.
Somehow, i actually liked one of the songs. I was listening to it today, again.
Today reading about the love between the solist and his girlfriend. The song he...
Every December is hard for me. December has passed, yet this winter I haven't had the time to sit with my thoughts and feel the things I need to in order to get through my usual aches. It's not a seasonal depression in the traditional sense. It indeed is depressing- and is indeed very seasonal...