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Focus is the Key

My issue with paying attention isn't that I don't. It's just that my focus is in the wrong place.

I am really seeing it now, that taking my mental state and what I focus on, in to account. I need to keep my mind active to avoid negatively spiraling. This is especially important when I am alone, because I am the most prone to negative spiralling then.

I've taken it upon myself to take the idea of a writing pad and pen in my most frequent hang out spots, seriously. Anything I think about, or desire to draw, can be taken down without leaving my current location. Reducing the desire to procrastinate and give up trying.

What got me to start really doing this? A life scare.

My Uncle, long story short, passed out briefly and fell to the floor hard. He lost funtion to his limbs for 30 minutes. Thankfully he recovered enough to stand, walk, and went to get some sleep. Me and Dad were not sure what exactly happened and it scared us both. My Uncle suggested that he may of had stroke. But thankfully all that happened was him being drunk and passing out.

That experience shook me to the core. It really had me re-evaluating everything, including myself. Looking at what I've been doing and not doing. What would happen if I was put in another situation like that? I saw that I can't hide from life anymore. What happens will happen, and we have to deal with it in that moment.

Alot of things my Uncle has said about life and trying, in that moment, started suddenly making alot of sense. A awakening of my senses.

You can call it a 'coming to Jesus' moment, or whatever you like. But it's changed everything.


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