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Rena's Golden Land

Status
Some entries in this blog are private, only viewable by the blog owner, blog entry owner/co-owners/contributors and staff.
AprilR
1 min read
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571
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Personal
I saw someone that went to the same college as me. Same class. It made me remember how horrible those days were. I had no one and i was constantly scared not knowing how to act. How to make friends how to pretend. I was so depressed and emotionally unstable. Sometimes it feels like i never...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
522
Television Shows
An anime from my childhood is back!! I didn't imagine Bleach being back would affect me so much but it did! So many memories, that show was my formative years! All the characters i related to, all the feelings and relationships, and and!!! I am just so happy and excited that its back! It made...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
450
Personal
I only ever wanted to feel safe but never did not even as a child. I knew i was different and dirty and always made to feel like that. I am not surprised that i imagined my parents were not my real parents and that my real parents have died in a fire. I never felt close to neither of them and...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
569
Personal
There is that song i listen to once in a while. It speaks of 90s and the childhood of the singer. It made me think of my own Childhood and i burst into tears while listening to it. But it felt good. I thought of myself as that Child, wanting to have fun and bbe innocent but all the while not...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
493
Personal
I miss my old best friend still. I feel like i am losing part of my youth, my old self day by day. I have another friend from those days that i still talk to thankfully. But this friend was special. I am Just living without a purpose, getting away from the things that made life magical day by...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
548
Reaction score
1
General
I never seek out to hurt anyone. I don't think anyone does. But everyone hurts one another either intentionally or unintentionally. I know i don't owe anyone that is not close to me anything. But being hated feels like hell to me. I always thought i want to help people so i can have a meaning...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
1K
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1
Comments
2
Trips & Outings
-In which i actually understood i was on a holiday-
AprilR
1 min read
Views
1K
Reaction score
1
Comments
5
General
Constantly feel like im on a slippery slope about to fall to my death any minute. I can't ever relax or people will understand there is something off about me. I wish someone would help me, or tell me that it's okay to take it easy. Not even my therapist tells me that, because she also knows...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
625
General
"People are only saved when someone understands them" they want someone to solve the riddle they are, the most difficult riddle in the world" applies to so many ships i can't even count. Just being able to see someone's true self and making them feel like their existence has a value, not...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
719
General
I always push myself too far/endure too much before i realize yes, i am really feeling depressed and crippled with anxiety. I need my therapist right now. I don't feel okay. I am so scared of life sometimes even my fear of physical pain goes away. How am i going to live in this world when my...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
993
General
I want to meet up with my autistic friend again and get involved with the autism organizations here. But i can't do it with my parents knowing. I guess i will have to do it without telling them or after they die. I hope my life would be a full and meaningful one if i do that. I don't know what...
AprilR
2 min read
Views
2K
Comments
6
General
What i am about to say might be really mean and negative but i genuinely feel like this now so: I wish i never met either of you. I wish i never became friends with you, i wish you both stayed as colleagues. I never want to see either of you again. The fact that these people have all this...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
1K
Comments
3
General
Having a bad day where i feel worthless and tired. Not feeling much anything, it doesn't have any reason. It feels like coming home though,it even makes me nostalgic over my childhood. Makes me feel authentic. People who always talk about possibilities, relationships and stuff might as well...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
1K
Reaction score
2
Comments
2
General
I am so scared to drive alone without my parents. I don't know the roads well even the ones near my home. I somehow never noticed which road goes which direction. Honestly even neurotypical people have so much trouble navigating traffic here. It's horrible. Even when i work it seems i will have...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
920
Reaction score
1
General
It feels like my parents pity me for having faith in our legal system and generally being a naive and dumb person easily gullible. I guess from their perspective i am dumb. Good thing i don't see the world from their eyes. Otherwise i would have committed suicide already. Even if i am not able...
AprilR
2 min read
Views
930
Reaction score
1
General
I never thought i could become the person i want to be, but here i am liking and appreciating myself. When i was a child i felt like i was a plant in a desert trying to survive, needing rain but never getting it. I felt helpless and trapped. I felt like i knew all about the world already, and...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
2K
Reaction score
2
Comments
1
General
Never finished it but i really liked that part: "Nakata let his body relax, switched off his mind, allowing things to flow through him. This was natural for him, something he'd done ever since he was a child, without a second thought. Before long the borders of his consciousness fluttered...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
2K
Reaction score
1
Comments
1
General
I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my only friend but i dont want to lose the person in my heart either. I still love him want to be with him after i die. But i don't want to hurt her. I want to make both of them happy. And i know i am not able to be in a relationship with him. Even...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
1K
Reaction score
2
Comments
3
General
I only fell in love once, and i wish to be in love with him forever. I feel like my soul was saved by loving him. That i was given so much happiness i would be able to go on living no matter how many bad things happen. Sometimes i watch a drama that reminds me of this love and i cry for a...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
973
General
So i recently started a new chinese drama about an eccentric chinese opera performer and a wealthy businessman who becomes his supporter and his best friend/soulmate ahahah. I really love it a lot so far and it made me recognize a pattern in the fictional works i consume and love: Two...

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AprilR
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