Rambling

I always push myself too far/endure too much before i realize yes, i am really feeling depressed and crippled with anxiety. I need my therapist right now. I don't feel okay. I am so scared of life sometimes even my fear of physical pain goes away. How am i going to live in this world when my parents die? How am i supposed to deal with all these feelings alone i don't know. But part of me still prefers this hell to physical pain.