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Bad feelings

I saw someone that went to the same college as me. Same class. It made me remember how horrible those days were. I had no one and i was constantly scared not knowing how to act. How to make friends how to pretend.

I was so depressed and emotionally unstable. Sometimes it feels like i never healed. I don't even know what is wrong with me, i never knew and even now my therapist doesn't diagnose me, and even if she did, then what?

Will people even help me like i sometimes imagine they do? Will they accept me as a poor person they should help? I don't know what people saw in me in the past when they befriended me. I never understood, even my old friend of 15 years who stopped talking to me.

I sometimes think it would be better if people knew, sometimes it terrifies me. I wouldn't have anyone i can turn to either way.

I can talk forever about this, like how sometimes i fear that the world i built on will crumble with the slightest mistake. They will understand i am disabled, that i am a "retard" they can take advantage of.
And i am so afraid. *cue starts Lindsey Buckingham song* ha ha


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