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Rena's Golden Land

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Some entries in this blog are private, only viewable by the blog owner, blog entry owner/co-owners/contributors and staff.
AprilR
2 min read
Views
324
Personal
Lately i have been having worries about marriage because it is a big thing where i live. Both culturally and religion wise it is recommended to marry. My family thankfully does not pressure me about this but my friend who comes from a traditional family does. And i have worries about getting old...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
318
Personal
Today a relative came over to our house. He was talking about his girlfriend. His girlfriend is an abnormal person whom i suspect to be autistic. He mentioned that she has no friends, always talks badly about people and has bad family relations. I do not know if she is autistic but she is also...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
338
Reaction score
1
Personal
There is someone i like, and it makes it harder to move to another city. Although i have applied to a lot of Jobs and have had no response so far. Living in another city without support is scary. And the person i like, i don't even know what to think about him. He has qualities i admire...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
306
Reaction score
1
Personal
The world was empty for her. No matter where she looked, there was nothing for the things inside her. She kept on working, studying, changing her shape to adapt and surviving. And sometimes something good came to her, and went. But she somehow knew the things and people that came were not there...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
348
Reaction score
1
Personal
Good things come to those who wait. I hope this is true. I hope when my life ends i dont feel scared or sad. I want to feel salvation from this life's pain and worries
AprilR
1 min read
Views
369
Reaction score
2
Personal
I honestly feel like i am not fit for any kind of relationship or even friendship. I don't have much in common with people i come across with, and when i get attached i idealize that person so much i don't even notice when i am treated unfairly. And when the person don't share what they feel and...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
885
Reaction score
1
Comments
2
General
I feel like i am just deluding myself that i am a worthy person whatever. If my mom did know my dad was aspergers she probably would not even marry him. She prob. Did it out of pity anyway. I should not have existed. Maybe even my faith is just bc i am scared of going to hell if i commit...
AprilR
2 min read
Views
3K
Comments
34
Personal
I knew of a few people who treat intelligence above any other character trait. My dad was raised in such a family, he was called a retard and that he would not be able to get good marks on the university exams. He still speaks so proudly that he got first place and how that "showed his dad" But...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
269
Personal
So my headache has lessened a little but still have nausea and fatigue. I am def. going swimming tomorrow though, i will not back out again! Apart from that, i am still waiting for a while before i find another job bc i am still scared they will call my employer and he will be displeased with...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
282
Personal
I was going to clean the house today but i dont feel the energy really. I had a dream about my ex friend again and coupled with the stress of the last few days it was the last straw. My stomach was in knots all day and i cried a lot. I am feeling a bit better but i think i will do the cleaning...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
658
Reaction score
1
Comments
5
Personal
I never did. When i was a Child i dreamt that my family was not my real family and that my real family died in a fire. They would someday come to get me. As an adult i taught myself everything, things that my parents and school system never did. I relied on myself to change myself so people...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
318
Reaction score
1
General
I live with fear evrryday. Fear that people will use and abuse me. They will cheat me. That they are hiding their true nature behind smiley faces. I am so scared of people. No one is beside me and i am so scared. I don't want to live if i will only experience pain in my life. My parents never...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
255
Personal
I called my only friend yesterday because i was feeling too awful and i thought maybe it will feel me better. As usual she did not respond. I am always alone when i am feeling awful, that will never change. If i did not have a therapist and my faith i would have committed suicide long ago...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
312
Personal
I wonder if i will ever be able to act like myself again. Whenever i make up my mind people show their ugliness to me so casually i am filled with hatred and fear. And i want to keep myself hidden from the world until i die. Because whenever i think oh people are not that terrible they exceed my...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
295
Personal
I am always pretending i am normal, and i have friends and a social circle and i can relate to people. I am always pretending i am smarter than i am and i fear someday people will find out the truth. I might ruin my employer's business. I used to have a best friend that i talked everyday but...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
315
Personal
To me, love is something more than caring for someone. When someone can see through your soul, understand you intuitively and makes you feel alive. I have lots of memories like this, people that come and go from my life, some were friends, others mere acquaintances. I never let them see me fully...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
523
Comments
1
Personal
I feel awful inside but numb outside. Its like the anxiety and nausea is inside an ice shell. I hope it will pass soon. I said what i meant to my friend and it did not end well. I had to mask but i was too anxious and i let it slip. I am beginning to think she will not call or message me...
AprilR
1 min read
Views
337
Personal
I was apathetic for a few days and a bit depressed. Listening to this song on a mix, i started crying Somehow. Thinking of my own life, my father's and how hard it has been for both of us. Still, there are people who live with a greater loneliness and pain than us. We are one of the luckier...

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AprilR
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