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Scary world-uglinessAlone By Edgar Allan Poe From childhood’s hour I have not been As others were—I have not seen As others saw—I could not bring My passions from a...- blue_bird
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Unreachable placeI know I'm months late to this, but I just saw your entry here. This is exactly why I have 一期一会 as my title here. It's a Japanese phrase that has...- Grondhammar
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Not deserving things - complicated feelingsI know what you mean about not wanting to bring others down. Hiding all that stuff is something I’ve done all my life. It seems impossible for me...- WhitewaterWoman
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In the past i begged for people's attention and love. Faking a personality and hiding everything i am, trying to win the prize of people's tolerance. It made me hate myself all the more since i had to work hard for it, it means i am naturally defective, ugly and disgusting. I also felt guilty...
Got myself into a bit of a pickle whereby the next few months may incur some rather lofty anxieties and what if's. But it was all my own doing. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about it, as it's already been and done now. All I'm left with now is a waiting game.
I shall elaborate...
So...
Today was the first time since after my vacation that I was out walking, the weather has gotten colder - like -8C (18F). I liked the snow and ice so I took >150 photos, of those I selected 5 to share with you here on my blog.
Today I was listening to "Janis Joplin - Me and Bobby McGee" on...
Feels good to be back at work. Noticed a big change in my mood and outlook. But I think it warrants further care and attention on why I feel so wayward and depressed during my time off. I know that lack of money doesn't help matters. Yes there's some free things I could pursue, but the drive...
Discovered the cabin fans are broken in the van when I was taking it to the bodyshop. Quite hard to see out of whilst driving. On the way there, the road was flooded. The journey ended up taking twice as long. Hopefully the new fault is just a fuse, but the bodyshop can repair it either way.
As...
Mechanic is working on the car today. Fingers crossed for a quick and cheap fix. Car costs delays the van by another few months. It'll be nearing 2 years of owning the van before I can even live in it. With the car not working I've not been able to work. February's pay day won't be very good...
Figured I'd write whilst my mood felt a little brighter. Yesterday was a struggle with depression and loneliness. It feels very pronounced on my days off since splitting with Hayley. Truth be told I was feeling it less before me and Hayley met, as I was still smoking weed, and it helped to keep...
Had an "episode" (trigger warning) on my walk today, the first day of the new year. I was walking in a forest on these narrow wooden paths.
As some of you might know, I can be a bit challenged by other people, and try to ignore them on my walks. That is difficult on a narrow path, when you...
Stayed up late last night, up until nearly 2am which is very unusual for me. Normally I'm asleep by 10 or 11. But I had a nap earlier in the day, and seeing as I have consecutive days off; I felt no guilt about it. Woke up after 6 or so hours, so not exactly getting the rest I'd hoped for. Tried...
Today's weather forecast predicted rain in the afternoon, so I went for a walk around lunch time, it turned out that it was not only dry but also sunny, the Sun is low this time of year so the light was special, and it was still wet, so the theme of today became reflections in water.
Waiting to hear from the mechanic about when he can look at the car. He said he'd check his diary today and let me know. Work has given me today off, and I have no work until Friday. That is, if I can get my car fixed by Thursday. I hope for a quick fix. I asked my folks if I could borrow their...
Today I went on a new path, that I had never tried before, it has been raining so it was a bit wet in the bog, meaning the water level was high. I took my normal path after I had tried the new one - sat for a while looking at the clouds drifting by - calming.... which is the whole purpose of...