I've finished a drawing dedicated to my burnout - "Burnout" Just spent 5 hours doing this in one go. Ironically adding to my burnout. | By Art by Ed Foulds | Facebook
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Had 2 naps today. 15+ hours sleep since last night. I know I'm over the worst of this, but clearly my body needs rest. 58 hours total sleep since Monday.
Over the peak of this bug. Quite a relief to feel more like my old self.
Rang GP to chase assessment, they said they've done a re-referral. I asked if that'd delay things further as I was referred over a year ago and they said they don't know. Ach.
Feel rough. Sore throat, body aches, dizziness, eyes hurt to look around, cold shudders, coughing up gunk. Feel weak when I walk.
Another early night. Getting my rest in. Visiting a friend who adopted our cat tomorrow. Going for a dog walk with them. Nothing else planned this week asides from seeing Meg at some point on the weekend. Got a craft fair on Sunday but I'm unsure I wanna go.
Friend said they wanted to pursue disability discrimination. I said I didn't want to proceed. Don't want more stress, and it doesn't sit right with me. In other news, the same friend offered me a WFH job doing invoices. Will be in a months time. He said he's never met anyone better at processing than me. I am a machine when it comes to processing.
After all the stress from the breakup and losing my job - I've now fallen ill. I guess it's understandable, and I hope it clears up before the weekend.
I want dogs, but can't until next year. So I applied to an animal charity to do dog walks for owners who's health prevents them from doing so. There just so happens to be a vacancy in the village I live in.
Found the first game I've fallen in love with in years. Also, the sound track is unlike anything I've ever heard in a video game before. This song is absolutely amazing:
2 things that I place a lot of my self-worth into have ended within the space of 24 hours. I need to be careful here. I don't want to sink further into burnout and depression.
Anxiety is a lot less since we broke up last night. So that's good. I don't feel as exhausted or on edge. I'm still burnt out, don't get me wrong. And I'll have to be proactive to ward off loneliness.
Me & Meg have amicably broken up. We realised this wasn't healthy for either of us, and in my burnout I was really struggling, but it was making her more distant. So we shall remain friends. Our original worry was dating would ruin our friendship. And I refuse to allow that to happen. We get on too well for that. I'm glad we could be civil.
Asked to speak to HR. I'm close to tears. I went to their office. Empty. I went to reception. Empty. I'm close to breaking point and nobody is here. I've emailed HR and it says they're in a meeting. I need help.
Listening to really dark music today. This song in particular is gabber and breakcore with recordings from the 7/7 bombings. News reports, interviews, screams of terror. Yeah. Underground music is challenging for most.
Feeling "chesty" as I call it. Anxiety is up - check hurts. Shoulder hurts. Very gassy. My health anxiety began after my 2nd panic attack left me with prolonged chest pain. But I was told in the hospital 2 weeks later - it's probably just stress. Great diagnosis doc.
I forgot how exhausted I feel when in an office job. It's really horrific. Tried reading on my lunch break. But all I can muster is sitting on a picnic bench, hiding my head in my hands.
In true autistic fashion on my first day I emailed my manager a list of 25+ spelling and grammatical errors in the procedure document I had to read through this morning. The job does require good attention to detail...
First day in this new job. Its a very big office. I forgot how draining listening to inane conversation is. Especially when it's constant. At least I've seen people wearing headphones. So I can too once I'm trained up.
Did mushies. Thought it'd put me in a better state for my new job tomorrow. Counterintuitive? The message? Rest - you are exhausted. Sure, I'm running on about 4 hours sleep today. But just in general, this dynamic isn't healthy. Look after yourself, eat better. This can't go on like this indefinitely. You're really exhausted lad. -
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