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Scary world-uglinessAlone By Edgar Allan Poe From childhood’s hour I have not been As others were—I have not seen As others saw—I could not bring My passions from a...- blue_bird
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Unreachable placeI know I'm months late to this, but I just saw your entry here. This is exactly why I have 一期一会 as my title here. It's a Japanese phrase that has...- Grondhammar
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Not deserving things - complicated feelingsI know what you mean about not wanting to bring others down. Hiding all that stuff is something I’ve done all my life. It seems impossible for me...- WhitewaterWoman
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I'm currently studying a unit on massacres and genocide. Cheery stuff but unfortunately, such phenomena is endemic to human history. The idea of the subject is not really about a body count but rather, to get an understanding of the legal concepts and why such terrible events occur. The most...
I had a not so great day today. I froze up, stared into space, and just shut off. Even though there was a task to do today. A few of them in fact.
Fix the disk fixture that holds the lightbulb, in the garage.
Help with trimming the bushes and cleaning up.
I did neither. I shut off and shut...
Do autistic people age better than neurotypicals? Given we are often neglected, derided, and abused in our younger years, are we more used to the marginalisation of ageism when we get old (whatever 'old' means)? As I get closer to sixty, I have not achieved various benchmarks that the average...
I can easily recognise other people's feelings via body language
I can instinctively pick up on tone of voice and facial expressions
I feel guilt, remorse and shame a lot of the time if I feel I have upset someone (an overwhelming awkwardness)
People's feelings matter to me, even if someone...
Lately I notice that I struggle to find the right words to describe something. For example, I couldn’t think of the word broth for thirty minutes and I was like you know the soup water…you know the sauce…my autism specialist thinks a speech therapist would be able to help me but I think it’s...
I am happy with a distinction I just received in the subject on Mediaeval Europe. Well, who wouldn't be? Perhaps a perfectionist who was hanging out for a high distinction. Certainly that would be nice but it didn't happen. The lecturer not only knew his stuff but he seemed to be a hardarse...
I called my only friend yesterday because i was feeling too awful and i thought maybe it will feel me better. As usual she did not respond. I am always alone when i am feeling awful, that will never change. If i did not have a therapist and my faith i would have committed suicide long ago...
As a student of history, I get the impression that conspiracy theories are based on a touching belief that human beings are more organised than historically has been the case. I am currently reading about the English attack on Hispaniola during Oliver Cromwell's tenure. Everything that could...
I know I have always talked like humanity is something to be apart of. Yet I have days where I question that notion. Question if I truly belong.
Do I even belong on this forum?
Do I belong anywhere?
I feel like the only place I belong, is in my own darkness. Hidden from the world and living...
I got 73 percent for my major essay in this subject on the Middle Ages. The lecturer strikes me as a tough marker so I’m okay with what I got. I don’t want soft treatment in my course. My only regret is a few rookie mistakes that reduced my marks. It simply means I should do better next time.
I hate street charity collectors with a passion. They make smartarse comments when I obviously feel uncomfortable in their presence. However, their presence would not be an issue if they did not approach me. I have no problem with someone standing behind a street stall touting their cause but...
After my diagnosis back in 2019, I found out that things I thought were just my personal issues were in fact traits of autism. My dislike of the texture of certain fabrics, for instance. I also hate people getting too close in many situations which also seems to be an autism issue.
But what...
I have gone back to reading William Souder's Mad at the World: A Biography of John Steinbeck. I had to put it down earlier in the year when it got up to the part where the author describes In Dubious Battle, a novel I had not read. I should have known that would happen (how do you write a book...
You know. I always mention how there are clues in our wording, when we are down on ourselves. Yet, I have never applied it to myself. I know I'll not figure it about by stewing on it, yet I internalize it anyway.
I feel I must look at all I've written down and see if there are patterns I can...
I wonder if i will ever be able to act like myself again. Whenever i make up my mind people show their ugliness to me so casually i am filled with hatred and fear. And i want to keep myself hidden from the world until i die. Because whenever i think oh people are not that terrible they exceed my...
I am looking to do a thesis at the end of my history degree ie: when all the coursework has been completed. Something on the Anglo Saxons would really interest me. For those not in the know, that is the name given to various peoples who occupied England once the Romans decamped at the...
I was in Canberra not so long ago visiting cousins I had not seen in yonks. One cousin suggested I stay at her place next time I came to town (she has a husband and two children). I was polite and thanked her but inwardly, I hyperventilated. The idea of having my own hotel room even though it...
The feeling
Of rain inside, the storm, the cold, the darkness. The need to keep the lights off, to forget all the chaos and oppression for a moment.
Waves crashing inside my head threaten to topple even the sturdiest buildings, a sailor in the midst of the waves, pleading for mercy, but not a...
My last assignment was to write a piece on the Dark Ages and problems with the term. Historians now tend to refer to Late Antiquity and the Early Middle Ages. The border between the two is not clear but the period was not 'dark'. The negative connotations don't fit with the reality of the...
I understand that autism is simply your condition when you are not neurotypical. But I am willing to own autism as a form of disability. One example: I like to do laps at the pool but prefer to go when it is not too crowded. As such, I select times when there are relatively few people (not...