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Scary world-uglinessAlone By Edgar Allan Poe From childhood’s hour I have not been As others were—I have not seen As others saw—I could not bring My passions from a...- blue_bird
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Unreachable placeI know I'm months late to this, but I just saw your entry here. This is exactly why I have 一期一会 as my title here. It's a Japanese phrase that has...- Grondhammar
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Not deserving things - complicated feelingsI know what you mean about not wanting to bring others down. Hiding all that stuff is something I’ve done all my life. It seems impossible for me...- WhitewaterWoman
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Not that long ago, I found out what executive functioning means. Once I understood what it was and how autistic people have a problem with it, I felt relieved more than anything. As long as I can remember, I have found activities that involve seemingly complex components like driving a car...
- I don't have sensory issues with bright lights, smells, touch or taste. Yes I have a phobia thing of clothing tags but it's more down to OCD than sensory
- I am able to lie and understand theory of mind
- I can understand body language, face expressions and tone of voice well
- I get...
I am always pretending i am normal, and i have friends and a social circle and i can relate to people. I am always pretending i am smarter than i am and i fear someday people will find out the truth. I might ruin my employer's business.
I used to have a best friend that i talked everyday but...
I have started looking into the idea of a dual layered system. Masking and a psychological defense bubble. Entities on thier own serving thier psychological purposes for different things. It's a work in progress, but I have dubbed this idea the 'Super Sheild Theory'.
I will most likely have...
I see my folly.
I am afraid of the truth. I am afraid to face myself. I have never in my life have ever let go of anything. I have blamed this. I have blamed that. But I have largely blamed myself for things that I have no control over. Blamed myself for things that never existed. Blamed myself...
I submitted an assignment recently about primary sources re: Charlemagne's coronation (800CE). I was happy with my mark but the assignment made think of how we would analyse primary sources about events that happened more recently. Imagine trying to find the truth about the stabbings at Bondi...
I've been reading Lynne Segal's interesting work on ageing. She hasn't broached the subject of autism but I wonder if my autism serves as a form of protection when it comes to ageing. Earlier in life I got used to being ignored because I was odd and I found it easier, indeed enjoyable, to...
This is a thing I need to admit to myself. No matter how much I despised her, I still took on her traits.
I took on:
- Being Pessimistic
- Despising everyone and everything
- Being overall negative about everything
- Blaming everyone but myself
- Being Selfish
- Panicing over simple things that...
I got my autism diagnosis from a local psychologist with postgraduate qualifications in the area. I think like many people who are autistic, it didn't change anything but it certainly made sense of what has happened in my life, how I have responded to things, and of course how I currently think...
I have spent the public holiday today making progress on my essay for my Master of History course. The subject is in Mediaeval history and the essay is on the period of crisis in 14th and early 15th centuries. A massive famine in the early 14th century, the Black Death a bit later on, the...
To me, love is something more than caring for someone. When someone can see through your soul, understand you intuitively and makes you feel alive. I have lots of memories like this, people that come and go from my life, some were friends, others mere acquaintances. I never let them see me fully...
Being young
Being wild
Chasing dreams
Feels alive
Underneath the stars
Dancing only starts
When we set it free
Will this always be?
But even the life
If I realized
On a hill up high
Would it be all right?
And yet I
Feeling the rhythm and lines
And yet I
Feeling the marching and heart...
The clouds are rolling in from up high
Gray and heavy smoke covers the skies
The world's got darker and colder fast
But I believe it is unshaken
After the rainfall and the rest
The world will awaken again
The slumber will fade and go away
It will all change into bright and green
The storm...
I do only remember bits and pieces of what happened. My dad found the woman who would be my stepmother. She came over to see me at my grandparent's house for Christmas. Alot of my dad's family and relatives were there. I probably was 6 going on 7 years old. My stepmother put up a good act...
I don't remember my birth, like many. Though I lack alot of memory in the few years after that. Most of this account in my earliest years was told to me by relatives on my Dad's side of the family. This is in hopes of keeping a record for myself too.
From what I know, I was born in Alton...
Hate. No one has any idea how strong of an emotion it is. No one thinks about the pain that is caused to create such feelings towards others, let alone towards the self. Experience is a teacher in this way.
For someone, like myself, with ASD. This is a world too real to properly describe. To...
This is the story of how my life happened and how it affected me. Alot of my early years was from what I was told by relatives, more than my own memories. But it is important all the same.
THIS ISN'T A PROFESSIONAL NOVEL. Just me putting down my experiences. Hopefully it'll be some help to...
I've found today, that my mind's negative nature is far more insidious than I gave it credit for. Well played kid me. Well played.
What it is, is that my mind constantly looks for something by default to distract me from reality. Since I started limiting my phone, my mental state is now trying...
You might be wondering why I describe my feelings of my ASD experience as "shameful", and it has most probably offended you (unintentionally, of course).
Being ashamed of having anything "wrong" with you shouldn't be misconstrued as trolling or hurting others. That is not my intention, which is...
I feel awful inside but numb outside. Its like the anxiety and nausea is inside an ice shell. I hope it will pass soon.
I said what i meant to my friend and it did not end well. I had to mask but i was too anxious and i let it slip.
I am beginning to think she will not call or message me...