The really bad advice thread

[Gracey]

"aren't you happy about that?"

"yes"

"a global expression of happiness is smiling"

"I'm happy on the inside"

 

[Voltaic]

Have to wake up early tomorrow? just don't sleep all night so you don't have to wake up.

*looks at time in disapproval of myself*

 

[Aspychata]

Like my ex said, cars repair themselves, yes, one of his cars died in a intersection, it's called oil, dude, really.

 

[Aspychata]

You don't need overdraft, the bank will cover you, if you have been a customer for at least one year.

 

[Aspychata]

When the traffic cop pulls you over for speeding, tell him money talks, bs walks, my friend said this and didn't get a ticket, write my congressman if u don't like my advice.

 

[Aspychata]

If you spit on people's shoes walking by you, it's free shoe polish, spit shine, anonymous gift from u to them.

 

[Aspychata]

Feel free to criticize the judge at your next courthearing, they have consumer awareness crap program, plus he works for you, remember. Oh, no need to thank me.

 

[Aspychata]

If the cop pulls you over with his speed gun, tell him, your donut meter blew up just as he was approaching your car, Dunkin Donuts will no longer serve him

 

[BraidedPony]

your neighbors will appreciate your barking dogs, encourage the barking especially at night.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

If you're always getting things wrong, you should get things wrong deliberately.
You may be right more often.

There's no such thing as double wrong.


(Wait. Is this bad- 'bad advice'? )

 

[Jojo_LB]

If you get stung by a bee or wasp, to remove the venom sack, squeeze it out as carefully as you can between two fingers.








(I did this once. There's a reason I posted it here.)

 

[GrownupGirl]

If a woman asks her husband or boyfriend "how do I look?", the three best ways to respond are:
"Like the hooker I slept with last night"
"Oh god, I think I'm going to puke!"
"Unless you're naked, I don't really care."

 

[BraidedPony]

If a woman asks her husband or boyfriend "how do I look?", the three best ways to respond are:
"Like the hooker I slept with last night"
"Oh god, I think I'm going to puke!"
"Unless you're naked, I don't really care."

ROFL

 

[Tom]

Crocodiles make great emotional support animals.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Crocodiles make great emotional support animals.

View attachment 53904

They will love you for the rest of your life.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.

Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life

 

[Jojo_LB]

Crocodiles make great emotional support animals.

View attachment 53904

I guess so. They will repel everything and anything, making sure that no one and nothing goes near you. That's a sure way to keep all unpleasant things away. That's gotta be good for your emotional well-being.

 

[Kirsty]

Always stand-up in a canoe.

Or stand on the edge at the pointy bits.

 

[Kirsty]

If you’re cutting down on fat, how about trying the low in fat options. It means you can eat twice as much!

 

[Progster]

Always stand-up in a canoe.

I tried this once. Guess what happened.

NASA, want to send a probe to the sun but don't know how you can do it without it burning up? No problem, I've found the solution - send it at night!!