The really bad advice thread

[sidd851]

Spoiler: Trigger Warning!

These jewels are so small, you can keep one cocked and loaded in any room.!
Hell, I got one clipped under the baby's crib!

 

[Isadoorian]

Too young to drink beer? Put root beer into a square cup! The square cancels out the Root and all that's left is beer!

 

[sidd851]

That's just a guideline, really.
Take a couple more.

 

[Aspychata]

Remember to slowly roll through at the stop sign, no need to stop. That is called a California stop.

 

[sidd851]

I'm out now,
go ahead in.

 

[Isadoorian]

To charge your phone faster, plug it in then change the date to be a day ahead. Your phone will think it's been charging for a full day and the battery will be full.

 

[sidd851]

"You really need to start helping out around here, @Fino ."

 

[Isadoorian]

The next time your SO's angry, drape a towel over their shoulders like a cape and exclaim " Now you're.... SUPER ANGRY!"

Maybe they'll laugh, maybe you'll die. Either way it'll be worth it.

 

[Aspychata]

Always bring your handgun in carry on luggage, they just deregulated the rules. Thank me later.

 

[Isadoorian]

Sneeze on your knuckles before a fist fight to inflict poison damage

 

[Isadoorian]

How to get a free 3D Printer in 3 easy steps

Buy a 3D Printer

3D Print a 3D Printer

Return the original 3D Printer

 

[sidd851]

(whispering)
("omg that was really loud.
you should ask him if he got any on him.")

 

[Isadoorian]

Parked illegally or the Parking Meter's about to run out? Just let your windshield wipers run at maximum so the Parking Officers can't give you a parking ticket.

 

[Aspychata]

If you pee in the pool, you kill the bacteria, they can't survive that, not sure that works.

 

[sidd851]

All right.
He's pulling you over.
Remember, firm.
Don't take no s-..

 

[sidd851]

"Come out to the coast!
We'll get together,
Have a few laughs..."

Spoiler

Diehard

 

[sidd851]

Jump off the bike just before you hit the ground, you'll land softer.

 

[sidd851]

Nah, the helmet just gets in your way.

 

[Fino]

Cocaine is natural, from the coca plant. It was originally used as an anesthetic, going on to be prescribed by doctors, used for depression, anxiety, and even indigestion. Freud wrote a 70-page report advocating for the use of this "magical substance," and it was used in alcoholic beverages and other beverages, such as Coca-cola, being a regular part of everyday society.

It was made illegal for racial reasons, playing on people's fear of a made-up caricature of an African American abusing cocaine. It was the first signs of the phony war on drugs that would happen more than half a century later, a massive ploy in order to subdue and imprison as much of the minority population as possible by keeping them in poverty, filling their cities with drugs, then refusing to give the medical treatment for their new addictions.

Around the same time as the unnecessary ban of cocaine, suicide rates slowly began to rise, going steadily higher from then until its peak just recently. More drugs were banned and suicide rates continued to climb, like children, who climb on everything they can though I wish they'd stop because it makes me nervous as I imagine them falling over and over and cracking their heads open across the pavement in a bloody, traumatizing mess.

Anyway, cocaine is not bad for you. You've been lied to. Do cocaine. Every day, if you can. They did back then, why not now?

Otherwise, you might kill yourself.

 

[Aspychata]

Whatever the miltary tells you to do, do it, at least they get rich pushing product, pxxp