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I'm just not having a good time. Dad's Yartzeit, anniversary of deadbeat ex, medical tests, yelled at by a tweaker, etc. It's really getting me down. And to top it off, Mt. St. Helens is doing something weird. Clusters of little earthquakes and a sulphur odor that could be smelled with windows closed all the way from Kelso to Eugene. I'm scared, tired, and I just want to find little reasons to celebrate.
Sometimes mermaids are landlocked. Sometimes they're scared of volcanoes. Sometimes being a mermaid keeps them from the ocean. Sometimes it keeps them in bed.
Trying to keep busy, so I don't have time to think.
There's only one way to fix days of sad rememberance before sleep time. And that's by baking a cheesecake.
Today is the anniversary of the day that my ex husband ghosted us the day I said I have cancer. It's awful, because we can check his facebook and he's doing stuff and living life. He still won't return her texts. What on earth did a little girl do? Nothing but give and accept love and happiness. She blames herself to this day, asking "what did I do wrong mom?" He's a piece of...
Did the appointment go ok?
Never forget the Patriots on board Flight 93.
Going in tomorrow for an ultrasound. Been having a stomach ache for almost two months now. Pray please.
Between crazy criminals, my father's 6 month Yahrtzeit, 9/11, and the two doctor's visits this week, I am very nervous. Wide awake. Unable to sleep. Weaving on my inkle loom, for comfort. Trying to even figure out what I'm thinking or feeling. Writing it through my hands on yarn as the shuttle passes through the warp.
I miss my father so much today. My daughter is all broken up too. So I'm faking positivity on the outside, trying to keep us distracted. It hurts though, like a knife into my heart.
I have a friend right now, that I miss a lot. I don't know what's going on. But I know they are very strong and capable. But still, I'm a little sad. And I can't help worrying.
Doing so much better today. Still a little sore, but otc meds and bedrest have helped immensely.
Needed urgent dr visit. Hard time getting ready. Got there. Receptionist mistakenly scheduled for next week. I cried a little but tried to hold it in. Left. Went to ER. Metal detector at the door. I had two big knives in my purse and didn't want them taken away. So I left and cried again. Went to the store. Got medicine, and food. Had to put back most stuff at the register. Home in bed now. Tomorrow is a new day.
I hurt my hip earlier and messed up my wheelchair a little in the crash. Not as bad as it sounds. But I got chided by the apartment manager for being too loud when I cried out. Came home and had a big embarrassed, ashamed cry. Felt like a burden to everyone. Kinda stiff now, weak. But I will feel better soon. It's not as bad as it sounds.
Got close to a baby redhawk and an old woman nursing it. Still had his nest feathers. Couldn't fly. Once in a lifetime event. The baby was calling out for mama with that shrill hawk scream that cuts to the soul.
Inside my soul
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