The really bad advice thread

[sidd851]

Spoiler: Trigger Warning!

"You need to relax.
Listen, go out, get good'n drunked up, maybe slap the old lady around a bit, then go for a ride and shoot at some roadsigns.
Live a little!"

 

[sidd851]

Always defend your principles and ideals on the internet.
Make 'em understand just how right you are!
Give it to the bastards!

 

[sidd851]

Always use your emergency brake when the sun is shining.
Those bulbs EAT power!

 

[sidd851]

"No.
No, no, no, son.
Don't stop.
Nobody stops for red-lights, just zoooom on through.

Stop at those green-lights, though,
there might be someone
coming the other way."

 

[sidd851]

Always put a little gunpowder, in yer whisky.
It'll keep ye mean.

 

[sidd851]

...but they're expensive, so don't use a fresh one, just turn that one inside-out...

 

[sidd851]

Spoiler: Trigger Warning!

...and then, See?
When you let go,
it stops chokin' ya !

 

[sidd851]

Eeeenh.
Warts never stop growing.
Besides, it, it's kinda shaped like boobs now.

 

[sidd851]

Don't worry about it.
You can hardly smell it.

 

[Nervous Rex]

The expiration date is just there to get you to buy more groceries. It’s fine, it just has a little extra flavor. Go ahead and eat it.

 

[sidd851]

They look ...good, hon.
...
You should try those "shaping" jeans...

 

[Aspychata]

road kill, high in protein

 

[sidd851]

Spoiler: Tr- I dunno...

You should let her.
She said she'd take it off in a year, didn't she?

 

[sidd851]

On your tippy-toes, honey.
Lean waaaay out over.
You can reach it.

 

[Aspychata]

Pink plastic flamingos make your yard look so classy ....

 

[sidd851]

If a bear is stalking you, run away really fast.

Naw, naw, naw.
You climb a tree.
If it climbs up the tree after ya, it's a black bear.
If it pushes the tree over, it's a brown bear.
That's how you can tell.

 

[sidd851]

It's a dumb law, but you can't smoke with the kids in the car.
There, pull over beside that porn-shop.
They can stand right under the awning.

 

[Aspychata]

If you are driving through the Mexican checkpoint, call him punta, and flash a wad of cash, he will wave you through faster

 

[sidd851]

Pink plastic flamingos make your yard look so classy ....

...but they're gettin' a little bleached looking.
You should scatter some of those plastic shrimps on the lawn, for 'em.

 

[Isadoorian]

Glue a tiny mirror over your face on your Drivers Licence, so when you go to hand it to the Police Officer, they'll get confused and arrest themselves instead!