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I have never let go

I see my folly.

I am afraid of the truth. I am afraid to face myself. I have never in my life have ever let go of anything. I have blamed this. I have blamed that. But I have largely blamed myself for things that I have no control over. Blamed myself for things that never existed. Blamed myself for my life being the way it is. I think about it and always spiral. I have never let go. Even thinking about it now, it just leaves a sour feeling.

I have internalized for so long. Filled myself with a seething self-hatred so deep, that I have never in my life considered anything else. Now that I face my demons once again, I have no idea how to let go of it. I just dwell, ruminate, and internalize. That's all it seems I know how to do.


I know how this feels. To stop ruminating is really hard. I just try to fill my life with things i enjoy doing, and distract myself as much as i can with fleeting but positive moments. When you are ruminating, even when something good happens you tend to not notice it, or disregard it. You have to consciously hold on to the good, positive things of your life, butt is easier said than done.

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