Ya know, by sheer random chance, about 60 seconds before loading the site here and spotting this topic, I just happened to spot a rather magical quote that sorta relates to this sort of thing in the bloody comments of a Youtube video of all places, and I'm gonna post it here:
Also, learn to love yourself and your company before getting into a relationship. Don’t use a relationship to feel good, use it for bonus goodness. Dates should be competing against your single life in terms of the quality they bring to you. This will help you better value yourself in relationships and help leave toxicity before it infects you.
I'm posting that here because, well, I cannot describe to you just how badly you need to learn the lesson it is talking about.
You act like finding a relationship will be this magical cure, when that's typically not how anything works at all. If you're going into a relationship with the same endless self-loathing and general negativity that you currently have, well... I can tell ya right now, it's not likely to make things better for you. More likely, it'll make it worse. Much worse.
Ya dont want "worse"... right? I sure hope not. Best, then, to take the steps necessary to prevent "worse" BEFORE jumping at what you're after.
I'm going to keep repeating these things until I drill the message home. You may give up, but I never do. And maybe you can learn to never give up too.
Also, "The 40 Year Old Virgin" is a freaking movie. It's just a movie. Seriously. And the tagline is advertising. Just advertising.