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“The longer you wait, the harder it gets.”

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Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
When the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin came out, I remember seeing the tagline “The longer you wait, the harder it gets.” on the movie posters and ads. I am 34 years old and I don’t even date due to my social as well as cultural isolation and discouragement from past failures in attempts to get a date. It feels like opportunities for romance are getting fewer and fewer because most people in my age range are in long term relationships or are married. Are observations like that the root of that movie’s tagline? Am I just going to my grave single?
 
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When the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin came out, I remember seeing the tagline “The longer you wait, the harder it gets.” on the movie posters and ads. I am 34 years old and I don’t even date due to my social as well as cultural isolation and discouragement from past failures in attempts to get a date. It feels like opportunities for romance are getting fewer and fewer because most people in my age range are in long term relationships or are married. Are observations like that the root of that movie’s tagline? Am I truly just going to my grave single?
I was about 34 when I met my girlfriend. I think it can take longer for ND people to meet the right person.

I figured out that most of my past relationships probably were not going to last due to the very different way my brain works.

I met my girlfriend online. I think this is probably the best way to kinda screen out the sorts of people who aren't a good long term match. I waded through lots of profiles that essentially boiled down to text speak "I luv clubbin wit me m8s" etc. Lots of stuff like that. There was perhaps only 5% of profiles I felt I would even be compatible with. But keeping things on line was better than going to some miserable noisy night club and trying to approach people.

Lots of NT people are trying to hit social milestones. So yeah, I think a lot are in long term relationships early on. But that doesn't mean there aren't people just like you who aren't in that slipstream. Besides, I remember seeing an awful lot of profiles where they said they had just gotten divorced.

So while it may seem just about everyone else has it all figured out. Appearances can be deceptive.

I'm pretty certain my girlfriend isn't what you would describe as NT either. So perhaps that's part of why we have managed to stay together. We know we have quirks and we are more appreciative and tolerant of those quirks.

While it may feel like you need to meet someone ASAP, my advice is to take your time. You have a lot longer than it may feel. Don't rush :)
 
How can I cope with the torschlusspanik? I want to at least still be in my 30’s when I finally meet her.


There is not a time keeper or a deadline.
You are creating your own emergency.

 
When the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin came out, I remember seeing the tagline “The longer you wait, the harder it gets.” on the movie posters and ads. I am 34 years old and I don’t even date due to my social as well as cultural isolation and discouragement from past failures in attempts to get a date. It feels like opportunities for romance are getting fewer and fewer because most people in my age range are in long term relationships or are married. Are observations like that the root of that movie’s tagline? Am I just going to my grave single?
The dating pool (no pun intended) even feels small when you’re a young adult (too many creepy men that want a sexual relationship too soon over a relationship that’s constructed over time
 
When the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin came out, I remember seeing the tagline “The longer you wait, the harder it gets.” on the movie posters and ads. I am 34 years old and I don’t even date due to my social as well as cultural isolation and discouragement from past failures in attempts to get a date. It feels like opportunities for romance are getting fewer and fewer because most people in my age range are in long term relationships or are married. Are observations like that the root of that movie’s tagline? Am I just going to my grave single?

I met the love of my life when I was 42, that is when my romantic and sexual life started. It was wonderful and unexpected. I had given up but the girl finally said yes to seeing me after I had asked for several months, each time we had seen each other at the library.

We were together for eight years and I learned about all the things in a relationship.

Maybe it is possible for you too. I did very badly with girls until it got better. Maybe that is how it can be for other people who have been wanting to date.
 
When the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin came out, I remember seeing the tagline “The longer you wait, the harder it gets.” on the movie posters and ads. I am 34 years old and I don’t even date due to my social as well as cultural isolation and discouragement from past failures in attempts to get a date. It feels like opportunities for romance are getting fewer and fewer because most people in my age range are in long term relationships or are married. Are observations like that the root of that movie’s tagline? Am I just going to my grave single?

IMDB lists three taglines, and looking at them together, I think all three of them are double entendres, especially in considering that the male lead (Steve Carell) was best known for his "Michael Scott" character in the American version of The Office where his signature line is "that's what she said".
 
Ya know, by sheer random chance, about 60 seconds before loading the site here and spotting this topic, I just happened to spot a rather magical quote that sorta relates to this sort of thing in the bloody comments of a Youtube video of all places, and I'm gonna post it here:

Also, learn to love yourself and your company before getting into a relationship. Don’t use a relationship to feel good, use it for bonus goodness. Dates should be competing against your single life in terms of the quality they bring to you. This will help you better value yourself in relationships and help leave toxicity before it infects you.

I'm posting that here because, well, I cannot describe to you just how badly you need to learn the lesson it is talking about.

You act like finding a relationship will be this magical cure, when that's typically not how anything works at all. If you're going into a relationship with the same endless self-loathing and general negativity that you currently have, well... I can tell ya right now, it's not likely to make things better for you. More likely, it'll make it worse. Much worse.

Ya dont want "worse"... right? I sure hope not. Best, then, to take the steps necessary to prevent "worse" BEFORE jumping at what you're after.

I'm going to keep repeating these things until I drill the message home. You may give up, but I never do. And maybe you can learn to never give up too.


Also, "The 40 Year Old Virgin" is a freaking movie. It's just a movie. Seriously. And the tagline is advertising. Just advertising.
 
Also, learn to love yourself and your company before getting into a relationship. Don’t use a relationship to feel good, use it for bonus goodness. Dates should be competing against your single life in terms of the quality they bring to you. This will help you better value yourself in relationships and help leave toxicity before it infects you.
@Markness, how many times have we asked for you to start liking yourself? How many times to prepare economically and socially to bring something into a relationship? Have you felt good saying Hi to a shy girl in the library when you see her? You could do or you could whine. Which is it going to be?
 
@Markness, the tagline is a double entendre for a cheap movie mocking people who don't have sex.

One of the great strengths we autistic people have is to question and examine all the texts we see. Unfortunately it's more difficult to avoid, say, overanalyzing a dick joke on a poster for a rude comedy film.
 
When the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin came out, I remember seeing the tagline “The longer you wait, the harder it gets.”
I agree with @VictorR that these tag lines are meant to be innuendos, catchy and provocative.

But, @Markness, I think this highlights a valid point that the movies we grew up with and the media that we consume can definitely inform our feelings of inadequacy when our lives are so different, less funny, less perfect, Whatever it is we see in movies that is lacking in our lives can make us feel inadequate, and as if we are missing out on things.
 
It's been a while (and I didn't like that movie at all for some reason), but I think it ends with the woman not really caring that he's a 40-year-old virgin. That's pretty much how it happens IRL if you date someone without crazy expectations; they might be shocked about it at first but they'll get over it.

But honestly, I'd feel the same way. Even the title of the movie used to make me feel horribly depressed before certain events happened in my life, so I think it's normal for guys with urges that can't be fulfilled to feel a whole bunch of bad stuff due to societal pressures, internal pressures and probably other factors. There's a lot of negativity associated with guys who haven't had particular experiences, and I wish that weren't the case.

I also agree with @Rodafina; usually with comedy, someone has to be the butt of the joke... and it's less-funny when you're in the same situation as the character that everyone is supposed to be laughing at. That's legitimately uncomfortable for anyone.
 
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I never offer advice in this type of situation, because I never married, nor desired to.

The one thing I would be asking is why? And what is it that you desperately seek?

There are a lot of reasons why people seek relationships and marriage.
I don't think I've ever seen you post the why of the matter.
That's the only thing I can think of on where to start.
Make sure the reason you want a girlfriend/wife is for your own reason,
not because the mainstream of peers are doing it or because someone has
told you this is the right thing to do.
 
It’s just a movie. The movie was intended to make fun of something that isn’t really funny.

It’s never too late. My uncle didn’t meet his girlfriend until he was 60.

But you will never be happy in a relationship if you don’t love yourself first.
Learning to love yourself can start with feeling proud of your writing. Other people are clearly proud of you for that :) (me included)
 
But you will never be happy in a relationship if you don’t love yourself first.
Learning to love yourself can start with feeling proud of your writing. Other people are clearly proud of you for that :) (me included)
For many of us you are preaching to the choir. I wish Markness would take it to heart.
 
When the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin came out, I remember seeing the tagline “The longer you wait, the harder it gets.” on the movie posters and ads. I am 34 years old and I don’t even date due to my social as well as cultural isolation and discouragement from past failures in attempts to get a date. It feels like opportunities for romance are getting fewer and fewer because most people in my age range are in long term relationships or are married. Are observations like that the root of that movie’s tagline? Am I just going to my grave single?
Maybe try online dating. Use FaceTime or Scype as a tool to get to know someone. Once you're comfortable, move it to the real world. It's worth a shot. :)

Maybe in the members section, there can be a 'Dating' section where people try to get to know each other? Maybe this forum should try to fill that need? Just a thought.
 
I have an opportunity to take in someone I'm physically attracted to, immediately. In a way, I want to, but I know that it would put a significant cramp in my lifestyle. I might have some friends that might be more okay with this type of situation enough.


@Markness, yes, the movie pokes fun at this general idea you describe. But others are right as well that there are always opportunities. If you are open to different ages and not stuck to just someone around your age, and if you're open to traveling, this can help with your prospects as well. Age, how much someone makes, someone with different interests with you, if they smoke, or do drugs or too much alcohol, or if they can't speak your native language well, but if you can be okay with most or all of these things, that will help you increase your pool that much more.

Maybe these things aren't worth sacrificing for in your situation, but it also means that it is supposed to be hard to date and find what we desire in others and what that other may desire enough in us. Just because others are taken doesn't mean you are deficient in any way. Best to focus on things that will help you improve your own life situations and confidence rather than simply what isn't working only.
 
Maybe try online dating. Use FaceTime or Scype as a tool to get to know someone. Once you're comfortable, move it to the real world. It's worth a shot. :)

Maybe in the members section, there can be a 'Dating' section where people try to get to know each other? Maybe this forum should try to fill that need? Just a thought.
There maybe liability issues with that, so perhaps this forum choses not to go there. But he can always pm and try to strike up a conversation that way.
 
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