Then, another thing, that comes to my mind:
I have a lot of friends - I mean: A lot. I know many people, and all of them think I am the normal guy, but they don't know I'm always distanced, confused and act along by imitating others (I even practiced my gait..) so I look socially competent... I admit I do that, because I want to be a bit like "them"... I notice, that over the years I learnt a lot, also by therapy and that this as greatly "smoothed the creases"
I guess, the problem of imagining something like autism for many people is a problem of imagining something they don't know and experience. They only know their world and in their world everybody is the more or less the same as they are. They think, that's that - there isn't anything else. So that is why I like to call them stupid, but that's not (completely) true... We all have problems, imagining what it's like to grow up in a war zone, for example. Yet, most NTs are imaginative enough to build a little something of their inner experiences, they might not feel the intensity but they somewhat get the tragedy.
So what to so called NTs care about, how do they think and feel - most of it is evolutionary; the complex part is at the end (edit: of course, my view only)
- most of them never ever think about why they feel and act the way they do. They think its all natural.
- they don't know, how they function. They take everything as given
- because they feel they are the majority, they think there is nothing else but them
- they care a lot what others think of them
- they have a strong desire for social acceptance
- they like to fit in, they care much about fitting in
- they like to be liked
- they like to be cool
- they like to be admired (because of their deeds, their looks or wealth (status objects, brands...))
- they all have secret fears
- they are emotionally extremely entangled with everybody else, their feelings and emotions goe on super-mode in social situations
- they spend a lot of time thinking about each other, they want to know other's feelings
- they identify heavily with the people sorrounding them. This is why movies always feature hot chicks and a love story, and other manly actions etc. The same goes for women, of course, with other things.
- they like to meet people like them, to feel connected, because they fear being alone and excluded
- they are guided very much by emotions, such as pride, shame, guilt, anger, love, contempt, envy... they feel emotions for everything all the time
- they are guided very much by feelings, and their feelings are complex like their emotions, many parts overlie each other
- they have problems figuring out their relationships, and they spend a lot of time, checking that everything is right
- that's why they are interested so much in each others lives
- they lie a lot to others and to themselves to hide their bad motivations like envy, shame and guilt. They obsere others, if they have something they haven't,
- they want to be better than others
- they all have secret dreams of being popular and great
- they want things all the time
- they want to be loved (especially!). Express your love or favour or liking to someone, whatever they do, and they'll love you back (usually), if they aren't schizoid, autistic of antisocial..=)
- as much as they envy and hate each other, they love and admire each other
- they have a lot of inner conflicts, that make up who they are, but they usually hide these and pretend that their life is great. This is why on facebook and instagramm and alike everybody goes about showing how much fun they are having in their lives, so others can see how happy they are..
- they are rarely saints, but most of them think they're exactly right the way they are
Most of this make sense evolutionary - most of it is being social, because the group provides survival, and this imposes rules. Then this is contradicted by selfish interests. The meet somewhere in the middle, and that's why nothing is simple. Its always complicated.
Every personality is unique, although they share traits. The personality of people, all people, is organized in parts - sometimes called ego states - which are specific responses to the environment, and all these parts hold all their life's experiences, which can be seen as "learning". That's why trauma is a very negative learning experience, and that's why traumatized people have a lot of problems. So you need to see them as bundles of parts: The parts aren't all the same, some may be good, others bad, some angry, some greedy, some narcissistic, some lovable, some envious. Some autistiv people have problems with seeing or doing more than one thing at a time, they thing in exact terms - but NTs thinkg in a bit of this, a bit of that, and some of that all at the same time and they rarely care, why this is the case and even less if it's exact.
The personality of the ordinary human being is greatly influenced by their early bonding experiences and their growing up. You get the output according to the input. When something goes completely wrong in the personality development because of negative environments (like early bonding trauma, surgery, illness, hunger, war...or other threats, loss) it's possible that the personality forms an answer to cope. This is where the concept of the "trauma-parts" (if their is any), the survivor-parts (who compensate and defend), and the "healthy parts" comes in. Every person has some kind of small or big trauma, some issue - it's near to impossible to get through life without bad experiences... So for those who suffer from mind-blindness and inability of perspective taking it is helpful to imagine, that others have a lot of problems, too - they evolve around relationships, and all the above mentioned issues.
The personality is a huge and complicated thing, as we humans can work with so many different types of information - sensory information, abstract information (letters, words, numbers, intellectual concepts and constructs, emotional information, feeling information, body information (heart beat, breathing, pain...), bonding information, social information (about other people, what they are..). All these things also serve as an outlet for any inner troubles, and a person is greatly defined by the way it deals with its personal life's troubles and tragedies.
All in all, the NTs aren't SO different, they simply have other priorities, but as much as they might have social abilities, they lack others. A friend of mine is clearly not autistic, but he's incredibly smart, but socially anything but the cool guy - all they cool guys are dumb. Then I have a friend, who's also very smart and a little "unique", but he's big and muscular, but completely blunt in his movements and he's awkward about spitting while talking, so he covers his mouth with one hand while speaking.. and also not autistic. I guess, the Autism-Label is important to us, but we need to recognize, that there are thousands of similar burdening conditions in other people. Since we're not so good at imagining others and are a little stuck in our own heads, this is the central issue (now neglecting other issues) of experienced difference - it simply feels and looks different.
Okay that actually made me laugh. I'm not sure what that says about me.
