36 and still feeling like I did when I was 17.

[Markness]

I turned 36 this year but I still feel like I did when I was 17. Even when I got my driver’s license and became able to go out on my own, this still didn’t change the fact I was socially isolated because I don’t fit in with the culture I live in. Apparently I am now at the age where I can’t even feel sad about being socially isolated because it’s somehow a bad thing. I’ve even been told to stop being like a baby and got screamed at by my father for being depressed.

 

[Rodafina]

Apparently I am now at the age where I can’t even feel sad about being socially isolated because it’s somehow a bad thing.

You can’t really control what feelings arise. What you can control is what you tell yourself they mean. Sad feelings may come, but you don’t have to let them control you.

Maybe you can try to also notice feelings of hope, determination, acceptance, and gratitude.

 

[Markness]

You can’t really control what feelings arise. What you can control is what you tell yourself they mean. Sad feelings may come, but you don’t have to let them control you.

Maybe you can try to also notice feelings of hope, determination, acceptance, and gratitude.

It’s just hard for me to feel hopeful when my attempts to break out of my shell fail or I just make one mistake and the other person decides to reject me from their life even if we had become friends.

I learned that one of my younger cousins has two children. I didn’t even know he was married let alone started his own family.

 

[Xinyta]

Either we bury our dead or our dead bury us.

There has to be a point that you need to realize your mind is lying to you. Negative outlooks are a hard thing to manage when you decide to consider it the status quo of your life. You'll accept little else.

DO NOT listen to anyone who is dictating what you should do and/or how you should feel. You need to feel as you wish to feel. If others do not like it. Then that is thier problem. NOT your's.

But more importantly than that. Look to what you CAN do to change your situation. There are posts galore of suggestions from all of us to what you can do. It's just more what you wish to do that fits YOUR needs. Not other's.

Look. I'm a wreck myself. I'll gladly admit that. Though I can, because I started looking at what I can do to help my situation. Instead of looking at all the things I don't or "can't" do. The other half is will. I know I have it in spades. I wouldn't of gotten this far without it.

You should spend some time to ask yourself about what you are willing to do to get past this.

Do I have the will?

What am I capable of?

What does my better self look like in the near future?

What short term goal should I strive for?

These are questions that I have an answer for myself. But they are something you should ask yourself daily, when you are in fear, loathing, or doubt.

Though another set of questions I use, are more because of my psychosis. But they could still help in some regard.

This this thought I am having true?

What is going on in my immediate environment around me?

What are the people around me doing?

Am I in danger?

This creates a mental check that forces you to assess your environment critically. And can help you quickly discern if what you are thinking and feeling, in any given moment, is valid or irrational.

 

[Aspychata]

To me, it seems difficult to accept that you may not have a relationship for some time. l was single many years, and l feel l made poor choices when l did attempt to meet someone, yet l accept responsibility for this. Perhaps make peace with the notion of finding someone isn't possible for a lot of men. Once you relax and quit trying so hard, then you won't spend so much time fixated on this thought process. You have been having some great experiences, but they may not result in a relationship, but this is still success.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Markness

Life is divided into three terms - that which was, which is, and which will be.
Let us learn from the past to profit by the present, and from the present, to live better in the future.
- William Wordsworth

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.
- Jean de La Fontaine

 

[Boogs]

Regards feeling your age (mentally not physically).
I never felt my age, ever. As a kid I always found all the milestones somewhat disappointing, even disturbing.
"I'm still the same, nothing has changed at all? What was it all meant to be about, am I missing something everyone else feels?"
And even today in my 60's I feel little different than way back then. I may be more knowledgeable and experienced etc. but don't feel any different to how I always was. In the end I stopped thinking about it, especially after the last big 'childhood' milestone to aspire to - 21.
Maybe it's because I'm still as childish and immature as I was back then? If that's so, then looking at the people who do seem to feel their age and seem miserable for it, I don't feel too bad about it!

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.
- Jean de La Fontaine

But then their destiny was to avoid that particular road?

 

[Neia]

In my head I'm still 14.
When I see myself in my mind's eye, I see the skinny 14 year old girl who hated being around other people.
I still hate being around others, but I'm 40 years older now. Which means I can now say NO to people, and nobody can twist my arm to force me to do anything.
Even if they couldn't really force me before. Sometimes, being stubborn is quite useful.

 

[Markness]

I can’t pretend to be happy.

 

[Markness]

Why have relationships continued to elude me despite my best efforts?

 

[Markness]

If I dressed more gothic or rivethead, would women find me more interesting?

 

[Hypnalis]

If I dressed more gothic or rivethead, would women find me more interesting?

You're fishing.

I don't remember you ever explaining your circumstances. Just external factors thrown in as deflections.
Why not explain them?

But with some constraints:

1. Maximum seven (7) lines
2. Proper grammar and punctuation: a "wall of text" style invalidates the entire result
3. Purely factual: anything that looks like an excuse invalidates the entire result.
4. If you miss something obvious, it gets thrown back for a re-write (which will probably affect everything else due to the 7-line maximum, length, so you should work on completeness from the start)

If you do that I'll answer your last two questions accurately.

 

[Rodafina]

If I dressed more gothic or rivethead, would women find me more interesting?

Only those women who like that style, and even then it would be a fleeting superficial attraction. There is a whole other level of being attracted to your personality that is more important in the long term.

I think it is more likely for someone to be attracted to confidence if you are able to dress in a way that you are totally comfortable and feel good about yourself.

 

[AuAL]

When it comes to a lasting relationship, it’s not what you look like, it’s who you are. Can you answer that question? Can you confidently and happily live that answer? Then do that, because anyone who can’t accept that isn’t going to be who you want to stay with.

 

[Boogs]

If I dressed more gothic or rivethead, would women find me more interesting?

Not being a women, my answer is always going to be suspect. Being me, all my answers are suspect anyway.
That notwithstanding, I would say no way, but...

They may find your outfit interesting enough to engage with you and provide an opportunity to show your personality. Indeed in the right situation costume can be a key entry point in engaging with others, particularly strangers. It can provide a broadcast signal that you may be in the same social strata, and/or have similar interests, etc. The things that may make someone act to find out if the rest of you matches their wants or needs. Or make an approach of your own more acceptable giving you a better chance of making a good impression.

 

[Misty Avich]

I turned 36 this year but I still feel like I did when I was 17. Even when I got my driver’s license and became able to go out on my own, this still didn’t change the fact I was socially isolated because I don’t fit in with the culture I live in. Apparently I am now at the age where I can’t even feel sad about being socially isolated because it’s somehow a bad thing. I’ve even been told to stop being like a baby and got screamed at by my father for being depressed.

The last thing you need is people criticising or yelling at you. What you need is a hug.

 

[Markness]

Only those women who like that style, and even then it would be a fleeting superficial attraction. There is a whole other level of being attracted to your personality that is more important in the long term.

I think it is more likely for someone to be attracted to confidence if you are able to dress in a way that you are totally comfortable and feel good about yourself.

I’ve just noticed that if I wear my green eye or dragon necklace as well as my wrist bands, I’ve had women tell me they like them. I wonder if something I’ve been lacking is a style?

 

[Rodafina]

I’ve just noticed that if I wear my green eye or dragon necklace as well as my wrist bands, I’ve had women tell me they like them. I wonder if something I’ve been lacking is a style?

Some style might make you interesting to others, but also, rockin’ a style that you love will make you feel confident. I think confidence is the key to attracting others if that is your aim.

 

[Boogs]

... rockin’ a style that you love will make you feel confident.

Now that, for me, really hits a chord, resonates strongly - I'd agree it's usually more about how it makes you feel in yourself rather than the style itself. If it makes you feel good, maybe says something important about you even if only to yourself, that will likely come out in your confidence and how you put yourself across. Good insight!

 

[DrBadStrings]

I turned 36 this year but I still feel like I did when I was 17. Even when I got my driver’s license and became able to go out on my own, this still didn’t change the fact I was socially isolated because I don’t fit in with the culture I live in. Apparently I am now at the age where I can’t even feel sad about being socially isolated because it’s somehow a bad thing. I’ve even been told to stop being like a baby and got screamed at by my father for being depressed.

I'm sorry to hear your father is giving you a hard time about the social isolation. The isolation alone can be hard enough, let alone the added stress of someone trying to invalidate your feelings. I wish I had some advice to help with the situation but I'm among those that cherishes their isolation and get annoyed when taken away from it. I hope things get better and that someone here has some helpful tips.