My boyfriend is threatening to dump me because of me getting medical guardianship. Is that reasonable?

[Poppy98]

Let's just say it doesn't look good on his part. That it looks questionable to me that he chastises you for being childish while he threatens to end the relationship if a medical guardian is appointed. As if he wants to remain in control of you because he perceives you as being child-like. And that he may have immaturity issues of his ow

It also sounds like a possibility that he was expecting to be in control of the money and that's what he's mad about. Not good!

 

[dancerxoxo123]

Summary: yes, this is helpful


This might be smarter than calling attornies who specialize in guardianship who typically will not help the target of the guardianship. (Aka, I'm supporting your suggestion.)


jumping off from this idea, for OP:



A guardianship is more likely to be approved if you are not able to manage your financial, legal or medical affairs.


There are also conservatorships.


So, if you want to not be under any of them, make it clear that you can manage your financial, legal and medical affairs. Be ready to prove it. The group that whitewaterwoman linked would probably help you do that.







Looking less child-like

Do you wear cute designs or like animated shows? For meeting with the attorney and judge, I would consider not actively showing those sorts of things if so. If you have any soothing habits like bringing stuffed animals or fingersucking, I would also consider if you can get through at least those two items without it or by hiding it in a pocket or professional bag.

It's up to what you think is best, but those changes can help.

I've noticed that my tendency to enunciate has accidentally caused people to think I'm smarter than I am. Those might help you, along with standing up straight, making eye contact as well as possible, and some other tricks.

Ok yeah I will definitely prove it to them that I can manage my financial legal and medical affairs. And no I don’t look childlike and I don’t carry around stuffed animals with me.

 

[Poppy98]

And no I don’t look childlike and I don’t carry around stuffed animals with me.

No judgement if you did, it's just that courtrooms are particularly...how do I put this? Dumb, patronizing and backwards.

 

[Poppy98]

Do you think it's possible that your parents are doing this because they don't trust your boyfriend or think he might be financially trying to take advantage of you?

 

[dancerxoxo123]

Do you think it's possible that your parents are doing this because they don't trust your boyfriend or think he might be financially trying to take advantage of you?

No it’s definitely not because of that reason. They said they are doing this because of my impulsivity and casual sex for my “protection” which is dumb in my opinion because people without autism have casual sex and they are probably using my IQ score against me. I won’t allow that! I don’t need assistance! I’m smarter then that? Don’t you think?

 

[Poppy98]

No it’s definitely not because of that reason. They said they are doing this because of my impulsivity and casual sex for my “protection” which is dumb in my opinion because people without autism have casual sex and they are probably using my IQ score against me. I won’t allow that! I don’t need assistance! I’m smarter then that? Don’t you think?

That's probably not the easiest grounds for them to get it passed on.

The exception might be if you're sleeping with very dangerous people. At that point, they could say that it's endangering your safety or your financial security.


I will also say that the American courts (if that's where you are) are more prone to taking away people's rights than letting them retain them.

Guardianships are not usually temporary although I believe you can appeal it as often as once a year.
It would probably be easier to avoid it in the first place, if possible.


As ever, only use the info I give as a starting point for questions to ask an attorney, don't assume the info is up-to-date and relevant to your area.

 

[Poppy98]

Ok yeah I can do that. Do you know what their number is? Who do I call?

You would probably have to Google the phone number.

I would search the name of your town or the closest large city, along with the words "phone number" and "probate attorney" or "living will Attorney."
I would also suggest saving money right now as attorneys usually expect payment up front ("a retainer").

 

[Mary Terry]

Yeah definitely so I am not going to go by that iq score anymore. I know I’m smarter than that and not mentally challenged. Therefore I am going to get my freedom back

I don't think you're going to attain freedom unless you move out of your parents' house and stop relying on them to support you. Why haven't you moved in with your boyfriend? Can he support you if you cannot financially support yourself?

I also don't understand what boyfriend is so upset about. Does HE want to control your medical decisions?

 

[Mary Terry]

And you don't think I'm like a child right? That's what my boyfriend sometimes thinks of me as.

^^^ Big red flag right there.

 

[dancerxoxo123]

I don't think you're going to attain freedom unless you move out of your parents' house and stop relying on them to support you. Why haven't you moved in with your boyfriend? Can he support you if you cannot financially support yourself?

I also don't understand what boyfriend is so upset about. Does HE want to control your medical decisions?

Yeah I can move out of my parents house as soon as possible. And no he doesn’t want to control my medical decisions and I think he may be upset about it because he wants to have kids.

 

[dancerxoxo123]

You would probably have to Google the phone number.

I would search the name of your town or the closest large city, along with the words "phone number" and "probate attorney" or "living will Attorney."
I would also suggest saving money right now as attorneys usually expect payment up front ("a retainer").

Ok I will look it up. Thank you!

 

[dancerxoxo123]

That's probably not the easiest grounds for them to get it passed on.

The exception might be if you're sleeping with very dangerous people. At that point, they could say that it's endangering your safety or your financial security.


I will also say that the American courts (if that's where you are) are more prone to taking away people's rights than letting them retain them.

Guardianships are not usually temporary although I believe you can appeal it as often as once a year.
It would probably be easier to avoid it in the first place, if possible.


As ever, only use the info I give as a starting point for questions to ask an attorney, don't assume the info is up-to-date and relevant to your area.

Ok so with medical guardianship which I qualify for my rights will be taken away? I am not going to allow myself to get guardianship! I want my rights!!

 

[Judge]

And no he doesn’t want to control my medical decisions and I think he may be upset about it because he wants to have kids.

Your own awareness of the potential of such an outcome speaks well of you in understanding what is at stake. Another sign that your intellect is being underestimated. However this is when it becomes critical to determine your particular state's position on such matters:

"Medical guardianship can limit a woman's ability to make decisions about having children, as guardians often have the authority to make healthcare decisions on behalf of the ward. However, the specifics can vary by state, and some states have laws that protect reproductive rights, requiring court approval for certain decisions like sterilization or contraception."

How Adult Guardianship Law Fails to Protect Contraceptive Decision-Making Rights - Petrie-Flom Center

 

[dancerxoxo123]

Your own awareness of the potential of such an outcome speaks well of you in understanding what is at stake. Another sign that your intellect is being underestimated. However this is when it becomes critical to determine your particular state's position on such matters:

"Medical guardianship can limit a woman's ability to make decisions about having children, as guardians often have the authority to make healthcare decisions on behalf of the ward. However, the specifics can vary by state, and some states have laws that protect reproductive rights, requiring court approval for certain decisions like sterilization or contraception."

How Adult Guardianship Law Fails to Protect Contraceptive Decision-Making Rights - Petrie-Flom Center

Yes you are right!! So basically my own awareness and me understanding of what is at stake is a sign my intellect is being underestimated what does that mean? It means I have an understanding of what is going on which means I wouldn’t qualify to guardianship no matter what my phycological test says? And this means I will have my freedom back and be treated like an adult?

 

[Poppy98]

Yes you are right!! So basically my own awareness and me understanding of what is at stake is a sign my intellect is being underestimated what does that mean? It means I have an understanding of what is going on which means I wouldn’t qualify to guardianship no matter what my phycological test says? And this means I will have my freedom back and be treated like an adult?

Not necessarily, you'll definitely have to talk to either an attorney or the disability group and you'll have to make your case.


Do you get along well with your parents most of the time?

Do you ever want to have a baby?

 

[Poppy98]

Was there a specific event that happened recently that might have been part of why they decided this (maybe you were talking about moving out or talking about wanting to get pregnant). If it's not something you want to talk about, that's fine (here), but most likely the court will talk about it and require you to talk about it.

I'm also not bringing it up to judge you, but to get an idea of what arguments you'll be facing.

Have you called the disability group?

 

[Judge]

Yes you are right!! So basically my own awareness and me understanding of what is at stake is a sign my intellect is being underestimated what does that mean? It means I have an understanding of what is going on which means I wouldn’t qualify to guardianship no matter what my phycological test says? And this means I will have my freedom back and be treated like an adult?

No, I wouldn't try to rationalize it to that degree. It will always be up to the court to ultimately make that decision. I'm just saying that your demeanor and understanding of what is at stake will help you in your legal counsel making your case.

There's no telling what the court may bring up relative to your intellect and competency. And it could get ugly. But it sounds like you will be up to such scrutiny as you appear fully aware that your personal freedom is at stake.

But no, you don't want to prematurely assume this means the whole case can collapse. The legal processes involved are much more sophisticated and nuanced than that.

 

[Crossbreed]

I also don't understand what boyfriend is so upset about.

It may be because such a guardianship revokes sexual consent.

 

[Judge]

It may be because such a guardianship takes away sexual consent.

It's indeed quite possible. Though such decisions by a guardian may equally put them under legal scrutiny as well. That they don't have absolute power over someone any more than power of attorney. Though it's another case of having to be aware of one's individual state laws as well. That such considerations for better and worse aren't handled legally in a "cookie-cutter" fashion.

Kind of reminded me of the complexities of having both power of attorney and as a trustee of my mother's trust. Where my estate lawyer had to explain the limits and restrictions of having power-of-attorney while my role as a trustee was robust in comparison.

California law could be mind-boggling at times. As can other states as well.

Perhaps at this point in time it may be in the OP's best interest to ask her boyfriend exactly what troubles him over what may or may not happen. To determine what his real motives may be.

 

[dancerxoxo123]

It's indeed quite possible. Though such decisions by a guardian may equally put them under legal scrutiny as well. That they don't have absolute power over someone any more than power of attorney. Though it's another case of having to be aware of one's individual state laws as well. That such considerations for better and worse aren't handled legally in a "cookie-cutter" fashion.

Kind of reminded me of the complexities of having both power of attorney and as a trustee of my mother's trust. Where my estate lawyer had to explain the limits and restrictions of having power-of-attorney while my role as a trustee was robust in comparison.

California law could be mind-boggling at times. As can other states as well.

I don’t think it does because it will be only medical guardianship? I could still have sex on it and I looked it up. This true? But I’m not going to be on guardianship anyway. I think it’s only true with full guardianship which I am not getting.