Concerns/anxiety over telephone calls

[Gerontius]

I'm a mite embarrassed to bring it up but I am having the worst anxiety over making phone calls. I'm constantly worrying whether to hang up or procrastinate further, mostly because I worry the other party is going to be angry with me or something. This also applies to telephoning businesses if I need something that they have for sale.

Those who have gotten past this, how did you manage?

I can add that it is stronger if I am under some stress but I think that would be likely for everyone.

 

[Judge]

Those who have gotten past this, how did you manage?

Forced to use a phone on a routine basis as it was part of a job I very badly needed at the time.

For me it was true. "Necessity is the mother of invention". I simply lost that anxiety and it never came back.

Though many years later I have to admit, all the scammers calling incessantly sometimes gets me down. But to this day I have never answered any of those calls. Technology helps to block some of them, but certainly not all of them.

In this respect it remains a war of attrition for me.

 

[Shaddock]

I like private calls with friends. even with people I don´t know is no problem, I did this often in the past.

calls with authorities or companys are okay for me now. it´s no problem when I have to do them, but whenever it is also possible, I write an e-mail instead. in the past I had much problems with that calls. I delayed them often, spooled when I talked, my heart was running, I sweated and I often needed a half hour before the call for the mental preliminary and after the call it bothered me even hours after. now I don´t have these problems anymore, because I had exercise over time and from call to call.

calls in the work were worse for me. I hated them. because you have responsibility and the caller wants something from you and sometimes it was very stressing and people acted rude or stressing. I hate calls in work, but sadly in most work places they are not avoidable.

 

[Magna]

Years of working at jobs where using the phone was a fairly regular occurrence. I'm still not that great at knowing exactly when to start talking and I get it wrong sometimes because I assume the other person has finished a sentence, etc. So I do unintentionally interrupt them sometimes. My remedy for that is to either stop talking and pause until they talk or if we've "stepped on each other" in succession, then I'll just talk over them until they stop talking. Why? If the other person and I have each started and stopped like 3 times in a row with each time interrupting the other, it's nonsense, silly and unproductive to me at that point. Someone needs to take control.

I've thought about how cool it would be if there was something similar to a TTY service for non-hearing people, but instead would be a service where people like me who is fine talking on the phone could be an advocate/caller for people who don't want to talk on the phone.

 

[VictorR]

For me, it was also a job that involved interacting with lots of people via phone and in-person that helped me get more used to interactions. That being said, I still try to avoid calls if I can.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I'm a mite embarrassed to bring it up but I am having the worst anxiety over making phone calls. I'm constantly worrying whether to hang up or procrastinate further, mostly because I worry the other party is going to be angry with me or something. This also applies to telephoning businesses if I need something that they have for sale.

Those who have gotten past this, how did you manage?

I can add that it is stronger if I am under some stress but I think that would be likely for everyone.

This may sound weird, but instead of phone calls I do video calls without the video... and its way more relaxing... Also doing a phone call from the computer, without using an actual phone works... why? I have no idea...

Even using the free hands on my cellphone feels very different than the traditional phone...

One advantage of hiper specifity is actually that. Temple Granding wrote about a horse who was treated badly by a man with a black hat. So the horse had fear to black hats... instead of having fear to the man... So maybe changing the calling device work for us as changing the black hat worked for the horse...

I think I need to sleep...

 

[Luca]

I have never gotten past it. I don't talk on the phone.
There are a very small handful of people I will talk to on the phone and most of them are family.

 

[Fino]

I hate talking on the phone and if I have the luxury of being able to, I wait until I'm in a particular mood and then I mentally prepare for it for hours beforehand.

 

[Suzanne]

Have always hated those contraptions and each time, would jump when the phone rang and when it comes to making calls, I have a great excuse, because we live in France and so, I get away with not answering the phone, but goodness me, due to my faith and covid, had to take on the task of telephone witnessing and it is the grace of my God, Jehovah, that enables me to do this and even have fantastic calls. But, do tend to end it abruptly, due to not knowing when to end it.

 

[SusanLR]

I avoid talking on phones and procrastinate until I have to.
Sometimes it is unavoidable.
The best thing I found is to have the phone in the house connected to an answering machine.
Most of the calls I get are spam anyway and the robotic voice that calls doesn't know it is an
answering machine so it goes on with press one if you want to talk with an agent. etc.

If it is a real person and have something to say, they can leave a message and I call them back.
As far as chatting on the phone, there are two people who want to do this and both will talk for
hours unless I say I have to go now for some reason.
Of course I procrastinate calling them. I don't want to appear unfriendly, but, I'm just not
comfortable with long talks on the phone.
One of the two doesn't use a computer and sends written letters expecting me to do the same.
E- mail is my preferred way to stay in touch.

I was given a new smart phone free with free usage about a month ago. One of those government
programs.
It's laying here waiting for me to call the company to activate the sim card.
I don't even want it. Never used one. It's too big to carry in my pocket in my purse.
I must call soon or lose it, but, just keep making the excuse I am busy and don't want it anyway.
I've always carried a small flip phone that just stays in my purse so I have it if I need it while
away from the house.

But, what ever type of phone, I don't like using them.

 

[Zhantera]

I've never gotten past it either. I kind of hate it, but I don't even own a phone and haven't for years. Once I went to a therapist and she tried to force me to hold her phone- I ran out of her office and never went back. I have worked at my job for almost 5 years and have yet to ever answer the phone or use the intercom. I do own a cast off phone with no phone plan, it's basically an alarm clock with wifi.

 

[Gerontius]

I hate talking on the phone and if I have the luxury of being able to, I wait until I'm in a particular mood and then I mentally prepare for it for hours beforehand.

Yes, but for me trying to accomplish things, that's exactly what I am trying to avoid. That'd be completely useless with deadlines and such, because waiting and forestalling becomes habitual and then messes up everything.

 

[Misery]

Honestly I think the only way to get over it is to just sorta do it, really force it. After enough times, it stops being a problem maybe.

For me, it was Comcast. What I mean is, whenever the internet went out, I was always the one to deal with it... both the modem and the router were actually in my room, and I used the internet the most and had the most understanding of the whole thing, so I was always the first to spot when something was going wrong and also the best one to deal with the support guys, even scheduling them to come to the house if necessary. General irritation and impatience tended to override my phone anxiety, and after this happened enough times, that anxiety was mostly gone.

That being said I still dont really use phones much, but then, there isnt anyone I need to call most of the time.

I'm just glad that it hasnt happened again since we moved to the new house. I could deal with it at the previous house, it was simple, just a modem and router that came through the wall. But this new house has the "wire room" as I call it and that abomination at the back of it, I dont know how I'd explain that thing to the support guys or figure out what to do about it. It'll happen eventually though. And I suppose I'll just power through it again, probably.

 

[Storm Hess]

I'm a mite embarrassed to bring it up but I am having the worst anxiety over making phone calls. I'm constantly worrying whether to hang up or procrastinate further, mostly because I worry the other party is going to be angry with me or something. This also applies to telephoning businesses if I need something that they have for sale.

Those who have gotten past this, how did you manage?

I can add that it is stronger if I am under some stress but I think that would be likely for everyone.

This is one that is very difficult for me. I HATE talking on the phone. I panick when talking to people. I did, however, have success talking with someone whilst walking my boys home from school. We may have more in common due to his background of electronics and my desire to learn. I do not use the phone unless I truly have to..my wife normally handles phone calls.

 

[Homulilly]

I worry the other party is going to be angry with me or something.

I always worry that I’m going to say something weird (and I have plenty of times) and the other party is going to judge. But what I’ve realized is that, whoever you talk to on the phone is likely never going to see you in real life, or if they do, they are not going to recognize you. In short, they’ll never really know who you are, and since they take calls as a job, they are probably not going to remember you after a day. So, back to your question, it might make you feel better knowing that, whelp, you guys are never going to cross paths in life, so what does it matter if they get angry.

Personally I feel more comfortable if I know I’m expecting calls, e.g. a job interview, someone said they were going to call back, etc. I’m also ok with talking to people I know. The moment I see a number I’ve never seen before, I decline the call. But hey, if I don’t know the number, it’s probably not important.

And I agree with some of the posts here. If I prepare myself mentally beforehand, I’ll feel better about it. Making some phone calls within a period of time do make me feel more comfortable, but if I stop for some time, I get anxious again.

 

[Pats]

I hate and procrastinate phone calls. Calling somewhere to make an appointment or change an appointment or anything like that, i put off as long as I can. I have a hard time making any phone calls, even if I need to talk to one of my grown kids it's hard to call them.

 

[1ForAll]

Until my social skills improved much in my late thirties and forties, through my own daily efforts, I was very anxious at getting all calls and in calling all others except my brother. They caused me much panic. Fortunately, living on my own for twenty years from age 18 to 38 forced me to get better there, as I had to do things by myself, meaning if I could not talk by phone or one-to-one in acceptable ways, I'd not get my related needs met, and I'd have greater anxiety in the process.

Also, my attitude was: "If I can communicate well through writing, why not through voice too?" Yes, my entire life up to that point was communicating through writing, but I felt some regular practice answering out loud vocally random comments, topics and questions that I heard on the radio, tv, or seen through another's writing to me or to another, as examples, would not take too much time for me to be effective and efficient in my phone communications, and as my motivation was strong to be my best there.

I realize though regardless how effective and efficient others are at communicating by voice with each other, often it is hard anyway to maintain that if the other has interests that are totally different than yours, if reciprocal needs are not being met, and/or if personality styles or certain important values clash. As for me, I am not too picky there, but I have my limits. So, regardless if it is a family member, acquaintance, or other that I talk to, I will act and react as I see fit, based on any good, neutral or concerns I see.

As for talk to business persons and other service professionals, I am always more brief, polite and formal there. I never share personal information to them, as I just want information, the service done, and so on. It does not matter if I am too different than them, as the goal is different.

 

[Knower of nothing]

One thing I've had someone do for me is make the call and then hand me the phone. Doesn't help the anxiety whatsoever mind you, but the call gets made.

 

[Aspychata]

Yuck phones. I noticed the more stress l am, the less my phone matters. I don't care if my phone never rings.

 

[Irakus34]

Even if I got better these last two years, I still hate phone calls, get horrible anxiety and try to avoid them at all cost. I usually practice with my mother because it's the only person I can call without feeling anxious. When it's my sister or grandmother, I force myself to maintain at least a 5-10 minutes long call. When it's with friends, at first I'm sweating, stomachache and my brain just paralizes, but after I just go calming slowly.

The trouble is when it's about studies, numbers I don't know, doctor o anything related to someone who expects me information I forget. I took three weeks to make a call about studies and I almost said my phone number wrong again. I get so anxious I don't remember what the other person has said or what I've answered. That's why I usually try to take notes, but I can't focus on doing two tasks at the same time most of the time.

My advice is practice gradually and search your way to make it work. Let's hope one day we will be able to make phone calls casually.