ErinH
Active Member
Hi everyone,
I work full-time and have done so since university (and worked part-time before uni), with the occasional year-or-two gap due to mental health difficulties (before I realised I could be aspie). I have always hated working in the sense that I can never seem to release myself from the morning dread and feelings of panic before every work day. I tried very hard with my current job to not care so much about it, and it worked for a while, but I feel the familiar sicky feelings each morning now, though not as strongly as back when I worked in London or before uni. I also struggle at work with stressful situations and work pressure, and panic flares up my belly. I feel like it's catastrophic. It helps to take things step by step, which my fiancé helped me realise, so now I have to force myself to not think about everything all at once and to just look at the piece of paper or folder in front of me.
I also struggle with not being able to accept the whole concept of full-time 9-5 work. It just seems so unhealthy to me, and often meaningless. I know there are a lot of rewarding jobs out there with meaning, but due to my struggles in life, the best I have been able to achieve is an admin position with too much stress and not enough pay. I have creative dreams - one day I would like to make a living from selling my illustrations or write a book - but I never seem to be able to actually do them due to fear.
I don't mean to sound "woe is me" or like I don't understand how lucky I am to even be able to work and get a job in the first place, but I was just wondering if there is anyone out there who feels the same way?
I work full-time and have done so since university (and worked part-time before uni), with the occasional year-or-two gap due to mental health difficulties (before I realised I could be aspie). I have always hated working in the sense that I can never seem to release myself from the morning dread and feelings of panic before every work day. I tried very hard with my current job to not care so much about it, and it worked for a while, but I feel the familiar sicky feelings each morning now, though not as strongly as back when I worked in London or before uni. I also struggle at work with stressful situations and work pressure, and panic flares up my belly. I feel like it's catastrophic. It helps to take things step by step, which my fiancé helped me realise, so now I have to force myself to not think about everything all at once and to just look at the piece of paper or folder in front of me.
I also struggle with not being able to accept the whole concept of full-time 9-5 work. It just seems so unhealthy to me, and often meaningless. I know there are a lot of rewarding jobs out there with meaning, but due to my struggles in life, the best I have been able to achieve is an admin position with too much stress and not enough pay. I have creative dreams - one day I would like to make a living from selling my illustrations or write a book - but I never seem to be able to actually do them due to fear.
I don't mean to sound "woe is me" or like I don't understand how lucky I am to even be able to work and get a job in the first place, but I was just wondering if there is anyone out there who feels the same way?