This sounds very predatory. And if the woman or man figures it out, they'll be hurt by it. And likely end the relationship. It's not a question of 'moves' and if your talking about being together for sex only, it will not last for very long. It never does. There will be a history of manipulative conquests, enacted by someone who needs to be in control out of insecurity. This damages both people in the relationship. And these sorts of interactions end up being empty and pointless. People who manage these end up being alone. Better to work at building a healthy relationship.
Ever heard of a woman playing "hard to get"? Where she likes the guy, but doesn't give in right away, because she wants the guy to
chase after her?
For a man to get into a relationship in the first place, if what he's been doing hasn't been working, he's got to
do something else.
When I was in university, numerous times I would be having a fine time conversing with a woman, and I'd leave afterwards thinking, oh gee, that was nice, I like her and she seemed to like me, too. Maybe the next time I see her I'll ask her out. And the next time I saw her, she'd walk away. Later I figured out what was going on. She was hoping for me to ask her out during that lingering, silent moment at the end of our initial conversation. When I didn't, she took that to mean I was rejecting her. There was a right time to "make the move" to ask her out, and time and time again, I would miss it. When I talk about "making moves", that's the kind of thing I mean.
These are the kinds of things that clueless men need to learn about.
And yes, relationships go through stages. It's different at first, in the infatuation stage. It takes a long time to get to know someone. A lot of couples have challenges when they move in together, because they get to see the other in a more honest light, and not simply the "best behaviour" that they put forward on a date. I'm not disagreeing with you about relationships.
One of the many reasons my marriage broke up was because I was going through some issues and I stopped initiating sex with my wife. She didn't like that she was the one who had to make the move to get it going. She felt unloved and unappreciated.
"Moves" are
behaviour. Sometimes I'd buy my wife flowers for no reason. She loved that. That was a
move on my part. Sometimes she'd surprise me with a fancy dinner. That was a
move on her part. Later on, when it was falling apart, we'd just be sitting there, watching TV, her on her phone, me on my computer, and there were no "moves" between us. I still loved her, but because I stopped expressing it by doing behaviours that demonstrated my love for her, she stopped feeling love for
me. I took her for granted, because I didn't think I had to keep doing anything for her to keep her interested. I thought she just loved me for "who I am", and that me being me was enough. It wasn't. So she left.
So do women take active roles, and are less passive than you seem to consider. Yes there is interaction, but the response is telling. Whether 'she's not into you' is another thing that aggression cannot change. It's not active or passive, there's quite a lot in between. You cannot make someone want you.
Ever hear a woman complain, "I don't want to have to tell him what I want him to do, I want him to
know what I want him to do and do it"? It's stuff like this I'm talking about. For her to tell him what to do would be making an "active" move compared to the "passive" move of waiting for him to do something without having to do anything to
get him to do it. This is why you'll hear men complain, "I'm not a mind reader!"
Say there are two guys at a bar. One of them sits at the bar, and thinks, I'm going to passively sit here and wait for a woman to come up to me and start talking. The other guy thinks, I'm looking to meet someone tonight, so I'm going to be aware of the room, and if I spot a woman I want to meet, I'm going to make eye contact, smile, and walk right up to her and start talking. And if it doesn't go anywhere, I'm going to move on and do the same thing with someone else. Which guy is going to more successful at meeting a woman?
Yes, a woman can do active behaviours to get a guy to notice her, and often do, but she can also just wait for a man to approach her. Men, generally, don't have that option. This is why it's important for a man to think "active" and not "passive", and not wait for a relationship to "just happen".
After my divorce, I knew this very attractive woman, and she really liked me. She had excellent social skills, and she was very obviously flirting with me. But I messed up asking her out, and she blew it off. And it happened a few more times--she'd flirt, I'd mess it up. She already wanted me, but I turned her off with my bad moves.
These are the kinds of things that men need to fix about their behaviour if they're not having any success.
As far as "making someone want you" goes--actually, you
can. That's why there are successful pick-up artists. It's not that they can make
anyone want them, it's that they keep trying until they find someone who does respond to their charms. It doesn't lead to long-term relationships (though it can, if you that's what you're seeking), and it's manipulative, but it
works.
There indeed is such a thing as
attractive behaviours and
unattractive behaviours. Reminds me of that episode of
Friends where Joey asks Ross and Chandler what they do that repels women.
There was a woman I worked with to whom I hadn't paid much attention. One day she was dressed up, with her hair and make up done, and she looked particularly pretty, and I found myself staring at her in admiration. She caught my gaze and smiled, and I smiled back. After that, her behaviour around me changed, and she'd make efforts to be close to me. I didn't even intend to, but technically, I
made that attraction happen by communicating my interest. I don't know how she felt about me before that, but I sure noticed a change in her behaviour.
There happened to be a run on grey ties afterward, bought by men. And the female protagonist had all the internal awareness of a teenage girl. It was lolita or twilight all over again with bdsm thrown into the mix.
Yes, men did that because they observed how into that book women were, and they wanted to be like that (fictional) guy who had what women wanted. Men are kind of dumb that way. I knew a guy who wanted to buy Axe body spray because he saw a commercial that portrayed it as making a man more attractive. He didn't even know what it smelled like.
That I understand, females socialize quite early, often they learn protective skills from their mothers and grandmothers and friends. Some males learn them, but they are social skills not predatory ones. Maybe that's how we differ.
You may dismiss men pursuing women as "predatory" behaviour, but that's the way it goes. When I was in high school, some of my friends staged a mini-intervention and asked me why I don't
go after girls. That's what men have to do--they have to
go after women.
Men approach, women filter. As you said, women are the ones in control.