1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured How many of you finally admit you will never be in a relationship or married.

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Tony Ramirez, Jan 2, 2021.

  1. Slyfox

    Slyfox Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    97
    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2018
    Karma:
    +167
    not seeking relationship din't help which makes sense, nothing happens with zero effort. women arent going stumble into my room. maybe if a person is active and always out they meet randomly but us homebodies have to actively pursue stuff or itll never happen.
     
  2. dhl02

    dhl02 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    96
    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2017
    Karma:
    +125
    I do not believe I'll necessarily always be single, but I do accept that it's the most likely outcome.
    I am a social person, I'm involved in special interest clubs but they're largely male-dominated.

    I'm also very picky and there's a long list of criteria I have for gf material.
     
  3. WeirdoGuy

    WeirdoGuy Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    57
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +63
    I was perpetually single from my teens into my early 30's. But I kept learning from the many one-time dates I got from dating sites. Eventually, I learned how to break the pattern. I always knew that women were attracted to confidence, but I also knew that I could never be that alpha male type. What I didn't realize was that this doesn't matter.

    You don't have to be confident in the same way as some jock that plays sports. You can be confident in your own traits. Are you a music geek? Be confident in that and express how much you know about various types of music. Are you a chess player? Be confident in that and mention how you study positions and compete in tournaments. Are you a history buff?... et cetera.

    As long as you can be yourself, but be proud of your knowledge in a certain area, that shows confidence. Just keep a sort of internal timer in your head to know that at some point you have to stop speaking to ask the girl about her interests.

    Also, don't try for a second date if you see she wasn't into you. That plays a huge part in this. The more you can get yourself out of a mindset of seeming desperate, the greater chance you'll have.

    I am now 43 and have been married for 7 years. While it is difficult and we still have many issues, increasing my confidence in myself has helped me to successfully date.

    Simple rule: After an initial meeting, you must have her phone number or have kissed her. If neither of those things happened, do not try to pursue a second meeting. I have unfortunately reached out too many times after a first date through the same dating site asking for a second date. Without the phone number or a kiss, the second date never happened. Also, it is counterproductive as it puts you back in that desperate mindset.

    Be willing to move onto the next one, even if the girl was attractive. Over time, confidence grows and you will start attracting some women. You do not have to have the sports-playing jock type of confidence to have the confidence needed to attract women. Don't say you'll never have a girlfriend or get married. You will only never have a girlfriend if you completely ignore this and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
  4. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

    Messages:
    565
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2019
    Karma:
    +718
    The problem is I can't participate in any social gathering that are not virtual because that's all they are doing. I freaking hate Zoom, and I am so sick of it. I admit to my friends, and they all agree, yet they are still using it instead of meeting in person because "it's not safe" not like this virus only kills less than 1% a real virus would be like that Steven King book "The Stand" that kills 99% of the population now that's a pandemic.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2021
    • Like Like x 1
  5. AprilR

    AprilR Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    375
    Joined:
    May 11, 2020
    Karma:
    +594
    I never expected to have a relationship, most of my teenage/20s years were spent being depressed and too anxious to have a relationship. There was a guy who liked me at college but it actually made me hate him since i hated myself.
    A few years ago i have started to feel myself worthy of a relationship and wish for it. But the people whom i met had nothing in common with me whatsoever and were stalker-ish and overly controlling. I ended up giving up after all that, i just can't seem to connect with anyone. I wouldn't want to share my life with someone.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  6. WeirdoGuy

    WeirdoGuy Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    57
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +63
    This problem should be temporary. With a vaccine, hopefully at least 70% will get immunized, leading to herd immunity.

    As far as the fatality rate of this virus goes, you have to understand that getting it is not a simple binary die/don't die. There are lasting complications. I had it back in late March to mid April and despite the fact that I recovered without ever needing to visit a hospital, my lung capacity has seriously diminished ever since the infection. I'm not sure it will ever come back. A lot of others have the same issue. So it's not only dying as a risk. It's a risk of being more short of breath for a long time (or possibly forever) after recovery.

    No one can truly be considered to be dating if no in-person meetings have occurred. But once things become more normal, take my advice above and you will eventually find someone to date.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

    Messages:
    565
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2019
    Karma:
    +718
    How when only couples and married girls speak to me and the single girls are rarely there or never show up except the same single girls that I already know that don't want a relationship.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2021
  8. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

    Messages:
    496
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2020
    Karma:
    +776
    I've never had covid. But, I know what you mean about long term effects from illness. One a few years ago almost broke my sanity. My mind still has damage from it.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  9. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Messages:
    5,068
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +9,544
    I will try to explain It from an older view. My health insurance is crappy. I can't afford to go out with a complete stranger and find out he is:
    A. crazy or a criminal or both
    B. violent
    C. has something contagious
    D. all the above

    l heard one story where the lady went out, her date- his car insurance expired, horrible accident happen, she is now in debt because her injuries aren't covered.
    Woman can't afford the unknown. So don't take it personally. When l get home from work, l lay down. l am beat. No time to pursue going out.

    Finally a true life story. At my job, this customer asked me out, l told him l am seeing someone. Then he asked me questions about him, like he asked if he was as handsome as he was. So basically l brushed him off. Then he comes back in and really pushed me to eat pizza with him at the bar l was working. l politely declined 4 times. A little later he tested positive for Covid. We believe he knew he had it but came to the bar anyways. l wondered if he was angry l wouldn't go out with him and he hoped l got sick. He seem to know personal info l never told him about myself. So if you think dating is hard now wait until you get older
    lol
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2021
    • Like Like x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  10. Slyfox

    Slyfox Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    97
    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2018
    Karma:
    +167
    due to my income its very likely ill be alone forever as im seen as worthless and unlovable.
    im social but my hobbies are all online and male dominated. only women you meet are wives or gfs of guys.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  11. Sofi

    Sofi Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    70
    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2010
    Karma:
    +61
    I am finally learning I'll have to admit I'll never be in a relationship or married.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  12. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Messages:
    5,068
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +9,544
    l don't try to decide fate. If it happens - that's okay. If it doesn't happen, then maybe a meet a great person and we are friends. That can be a great bonus too.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  13. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,102
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2019
    Karma:
    +2,219
    For chrissakes, really? If you admit that you’ll never be in a relationship, what you’re really admitting is that you’re giving up on yourself. Don’t be such a coward. If you really want something then you have to work for it. Being diagnosed with autism is actually a disadvantage in many ways because it makes us feel like we have something to fall back on when it comes to excuses. Dive into something that makes you feel whole and meaningful (a career or hobby), and other people (including women) will be attracted to your wholeness and meaning. It’s that simple.
     
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Useful Useful x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  14. Slyfox

    Slyfox Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    97
    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2018
    Karma:
    +167
    o_O
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  15. dhl02

    dhl02 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    96
    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2017
    Karma:
    +125
    I've found that NT women respect you for a career but if you're not 100% financially independent, then it's a deal breaker. Autistic women are more likely to give you slack there.

    I, like others feel the same pressure in that category. At least in the US, it's much more socially acceptable for a woman to contribute less financially than it is for a man. Things are starting to change, but there's still stigma attached.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
  16. sport

    sport Active Member

    Messages:
    133
    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2020
    Karma:
    +90
    I say be careful.
     
  17. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    25,197
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +32,977
    Reminds me of that stupid line in the movie "Jerry Maguire". Where a sappy Tom Cruise tells Rene Zellweger, "You complete me."

    What crap! We all ultimately "complete" ourselves. None of us automatically become validated in society by simply being a couple. Nope-nope-nope. You do it on your own ability and initiative, wherever they ultimately take you. Single or not, we all complete ourselves.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  18. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

    Messages:
    565
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2019
    Karma:
    +718
    I have a couple of friends who are girls. The problem is one of them moved back with her parents in Long Island, but she is only about 30 minutes away by car. She said when she gets back to the city to visit we can hang out somewhere. However, its one of those girls who don't want a relationship and is single by choice. We will see.
     
  19. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Messages:
    5,068
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +9,544
    But you can practice your * girl skills* when you see her. Maybe she isn't the *one*, but you will feel more confident that you hung out with her on friend level! And good friends are hard to come by.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  20. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

    Messages:
    565
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2019
    Karma:
    +718
    I do chat with her by WhatsApp and phone often. She helped me through this Covid isolation times.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1