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Featured How many of you finally admit you will never be in a relationship or married.

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Tony Ramirez, Jan 2, 2021.

  1. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    I accepted it when I was in my 20s. Now that I am 43 years old and seeing my friends and family forum relationships and get married or hanging out with couples as they are everywhere I accept I will never have a girlfriend or be married.

    So since I accept it, and it does hurt especially when seeing couples like my friends who are couples its hard. The very few single girls are single by choice as they don't want a relationship.

    I am also tired of being hurt as any slim chance was crushed in March 2020 when the lockdown then distancing measures happened. It's hard to forum relationships virtually actually it's a complete waste of time.

    Now one of my friends is getting married, but I am not going to bother to attend the wedding if there will still be one with lockdowns but anyway I have been too enough of them to feel even more crummy.
     
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  2. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Hope is faith rewarded in advance

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    Grrr
    Worst thing you can ever say is
    I always wanted to go back to school someday
    You are literally promising yourself that you will keep always wanting something you never achieve.
    Heres the thing. Normal people are boring, and they really suck. There i said it. Im being discriminatory. So be it! I am predjudiced! I think nt people need to stay in the creepy disneyland suburbs where they belong.
    Im just sayin.
    Are you lookin at tatoo covered spinnerettes with jewelry in her face, and bright dyed hair? No? Not so much?
    WhAt do tell me are u gonna have in common with mary poppins?
    Dude says me one time,
    Your either fishin in the wrong stream or using the wrong bait
    Im just sayin
    Peace b unto you
     
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  3. Dadamen

    Dadamen Well-Known Member

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    I'm only 16 and many of my friends still don't have a girlfriend, but I'm afraid and slowly accepting that I'll never have a girlfriend. Also, my uncle that is a NT also never had a girlfriend.
     
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  4. dragonfire42

    dragonfire42 Perpetual outsider

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    I’ve recently come to terms (more or less) with the fact that I’m apparently incapable of feeling romantic love. Doesn’t matter much because it’s blatantly obvious that I have a significant developmental disability, and I think that puts most people off. But society’s constantly reminding me of what I’ll never have, and it still hurts.
     
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  5. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm 48, and 99% certain I'll never get married

    I'll leave 1% for the off chance I do meet the right person still, there is always a slight chance anything can happen
     
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  6. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It's all over for me, had some boyfriends occasionally, live out only, would find live-in too overwhelming anyway.

    Agree about the sick of weddings thing. Don't feel you have to attend.
     
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  7. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Have you seen the Netflix series, Love on the Spectrum? If you're willing to put yourself on TV possibly, you could be a good candidate to try to get some help from the publicity to improve yourself so that you are more attractive to others. Maybe someone extremely elderly or someone in a position where they are limited in their job options because of a past mistake might be more open to a person like yourself, if you are open to that.

    Working on physicality, openness to try to appreciate some interests another person could have, and/or your level of independence can help. I'm not sure how picky you are either. I think in your situation, I've seen you post enough that I get the sense even if you're not initially physically attracted to someone, if that person is willing to give you a chance, you should be willing to give that person a chance too.

    Consider a private life coach if you can afford it. They might be able to guide you too.
    Good luck.
     
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  8. oregano

    oregano is plotting his escape

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    I am simply not attractive to women, unless they are severely mentally ill. Not wanting to date/have sex with a woman far more unstable than myself is the way I am, I've tried it and it didn't go well. So I came to the realization that I am meant to be a hermit, a hikikomori in the great temple of Nature's God, spending my days away from so-called "civilization" and among the animals and plants of nature who do not judge as humans do. NT's are finding out that their "exciting" city lives can have significant drawbacks, and if the support systems they depend on suddenly turn on them they have no way out. The rich escape; the workers are marooned.
     
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  9. QueenOfFrance87

    QueenOfFrance87 Let them eat tuna! V.I.P Member

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    I'm one of those people.

    I have accepted it more than a year ago when I got divorced, and learned that it's okay. Although I have many cousins, my stepsisters, and a brother with significant others, I felt less jealous than I used to be. My jealousy used to get to the point where I would feel rage, and thought of ruining their lives, but now I know better. I discovered that I was less stressed single than I was married. Nowadays, I don't feel ready to be in an actual relationship, and fawn over fictional characters instead. And honestly, I am happy the way I am.
     
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  10. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Been so happy that l left my abusive relationship. You may easily marry the wrong person and regret it for the rest of your life. So just because you didn't meet the right person at the right time at the right place is all it is. Odds. Some of us have everything and still bomb out. Some of us have nothing yet we may still find a special person. Some people never wish to commit in their lifetime. Some men proposition every woman they meet, to increase their odds l read.
     
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  11. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I plan to remain alone! I dated for seven years and decided I'm happier single. That was six years ago. :D
     
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  12. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    I admitted it back in my 20s. Since then I got engaged and then broke up and later married a different woman and we had 2 kids. Been married for 33 1/3 years now.

    Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you'll get. - Forrest Gump.
     
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  13. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    When I was of marriage age, let's say, I never assumed that I was marriage material. I had a hard enough time being me, to think that someone would want me for their life partner and yet, twice I was asked my hand in marriage. The first time, I said yes, but deep inside, I knew that it was a mistake and so, before it got too deep, I admitted that I could not go forward and for that, I got hit etc.

    Then, when I was 21, I met my now husband, so of course, he asked my hand in marriage and I tell you, even today, at 30 years this year, I still feel surreal that I am a married woman.

    For me, rather than a partner, it has always been envious of parents, because that has not come to me, but at last, I am glad I am not a parent, considering how this world is.
     
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  14. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I've had boyfriends. Never lived with any of them, never wanted to.
    I never had the desire to marry or have children.
    Odd how some want that lifestyle while others have no attraction for it.

    If I had the income to live in a studio apt. in a seniour independent
    living complex I would do that now at 63.

    I never feel free to be me living with a house share partner, but, it
    is all I can afford for now.
    Maybe someday that will change.
     
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  15. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    Just a random thought I had, not really on topic. One of my friends sent me a gif of Mary Poppins insinuating that I'm like her. The gif said "practically perfect in every way." I was really upset. I don't want to be a prissy, perfectionist. I'm a free spirit.

    She was upset that I was upset. I was trying to compliment you, she said. It's not a compliment if it's an insult. No one wants to be perfect. No one wants to be friends with a perfectionist. Yuck
     
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  16. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    I've accepted it in my late 30s. I think I'm old enough now for my family to stop asking if I've finally met someone. I think I would have accepted it sooner if my aunts had stopped asking me. It made me feel like I was failing something everytime I said no. I sometimes lied and said I was dating someone who was just a friend.

    I will only go to weddings of relatives. None of my close friends will ever get married, they're all weird too. I've been to enough weddings. They're all the same.

    It does hurt. I mask. I'm not obviously autistic... I think. But I never get very far. If on a rare occasion that I get asked on a date I don't get past the first date. It's really difficult to feel like there isn't something fundamentally wrong with me. That hurts. Whats so rubbish about me?

    I have tried improving myself. Dressing well, straightening my hair, improving my conversations skills, being generally friendly and so on. Granted improving myself, for myself has been good and built up my confidence in myself. But nothing is every good enough for these picky, fussy men.

    Last time I got dumped wasn't for any reason in particular. We just didn't gel. That's when I gave up. We were friends. He was weird too, even autistic. But even that wasn't enough. Nothing is ever enough and I'm sick of being judged as sub-standard.

    Who are these men to judge my character as "not good enough." I got to a point where I was more angry than hurt.

    I am good enough. I'll just carve out a niche on my own and not allow anyone in to judge it as sub-par again.
     
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  17. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    My friend has a unique thought on this. We had discussed it before. I told him I thought it was too dangerous. The stories you hear and see paint an ugly picture. He said and I'll try to tell it right. That there might be someone who needs that relationship to keep going. Would I cut myself off from people who needed my love to move forward?
    Of all those I respect his opinion matters most to me. So I keep the option open.
     
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  18. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    :)

    I'm not actively looking for a partner, but whenever I leave the house I put on my pants, a nice shirt, a nice jacket, etc... Just to look nice... And I have a small collection of hats, I always go out with either a fedora or cowboy hat, or a flat cap sometimes

    And I am a guy who likes having long hair and a beard, but I try to keep all of that neat as I leave the house

    And if you like the punk or goth look, then do that as well, that is your version of looking nice... :D

    I do think that taking steps like this you will feel more confident, for anyone you meet or don't meet
     
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  19. Dadamen

    Dadamen Well-Known Member

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    I've missed a chance to get a girlfriend in 1st high school year. :( This was before I realized i have Asperger's. I don't know why, but it seems to me like I'm less attractive to girls now than I was two years ago.
     
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  20. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    What annoys me is any slim chance got ruined last March when everything including Church was shut down. I rarely meet after and they all took dumb useless precautions. All Church events in the park after with the precautions were all couples. Really I meet another couple during this mess ironically also named Tony, who is married with kids which made me feel more crummy.

    Then the government even shut down the park events which did not bother me much as all them that showed up were couples except for a couple of girls who most of the time never showed up I already known that don't want a relationship by choice.

    Virtual is annoying as you can't even talk to someone one on one. Also it's not funny how even at these events girls you don't know don't come up to you to say hi unless they already know you or married couples.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2021
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