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Featured How many of you finally admit you will never be in a relationship or married.

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Tony Ramirez, Jan 2, 2021.

  1. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    You might surprise yourself. If you go on a date with a defeatist attitude then you are setting yourself up for failure.
    Several things might happen:

    1. You may make a match.
    2. You may make a lifetime friend.
    3. You may fail.
    4. They may get cold feet and stand you up.
    5. You may go out and have the time of your life and they never contact you again.
    So when it happens, just go for it.,☺
     
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  2. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Have a plan for a date that's realistic for you. Try a daytime date in an interesting place for example, rather than an evening date . If it is an evening date though, a restaurant is probably ok, gives opportunity for chatting. Overall, try getting to know the person on daytime outings ideally, build some happy times together. You have plenty to offer but as you say, a formal date situation is stressful and doesn't show us at our best.
     
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  3. Slyfox

    Slyfox Well-Known Member

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    i seemed to do well on few dates i had, but money and job always comes up and thats last i hear from them, some tell me outright we can't date because of my job and not making enough.
     
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  4. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Sometimes money can keep you apart also. Because the professional life keeps them so busy that a relationship is last on their life priority list.☹

    My issue is the bus after bus of men who pick themselves out for me. And then get upset that l am not attracted to them. And damage my car or things. Senior citizens have very little energy but these men think l have plenty of time and energy to go out with them. So just because someone doesn't want to go out with you doesn't mean it's you. It can just mean zero attraction. As you age, priorities change. Relationships, friendships fall to the bottom as a priority. But men in my state become more desperate as they are looking for a robot to clean, cook. They think if they offer a roof, you will jump hoops to live with them. Most woman like independence. Just like some men like independence. I don't want to spend time going out with you to find out you are a emotionally immature jerk. l can just assume over 50% of the population is. Probably odds.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2021
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  5. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    three family members were married never lasted more than ten years ,thinking sex makes it the deal didn't happen for one they didn't want one person they wanted many,others just wouldn't stay together ,I think if you don't see your parents together for a long time happy you are doomed ,I want someone to make it not frightening to be alive and I don't want why are you not this or that from their family,I want what I had with my mam when we were happy.
     
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  6. VictorR

    VictorR Random Member V.I.P Member

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    I can't believe no one thus far has suggested a mail order bride. It's old school, but it works.

    Pro:
    You can skip all the dating stuff and go straight to marriage proposal

    Cons:
    It's gonna cost $$$$$
    Relatively high risk that they'll run away the moment they get their papers.


    go to a local college and look for a foreign exchange student who is in love with your citizenship.
     
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  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    There are a lot of horror stories on both sides of the fence. This can be wrought with serious consequences if poor choice is made.
     
  8. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Personally I would never use church as a place or means to seek a relationship with women. Courting itself has too many awkward and unwanted rituals. You don't want to compound it with religion as well. :eek:

    Work and adult education...yes. Though romance in your workplace is risky. Adult education? Not so much. ;)
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2021
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  9. VictorR

    VictorR Random Member V.I.P Member

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    Definitely!

    The cases I know mostly fit a certain pattern: Guy aged 50s-60s mail-orders a bride from Russia or China who is in her 40s and comes with a teenaged kid. The wife always leaves since the marriage was really just transactional in nature - hang out with and act as a domestic for him for several years and leave to start her own life sometime after she gets her papers. In a fortunate case, the guy understands that and has no hard feelings when the "wife" walks out. In the most unfortunate case, the guy genuinely thought that he found a lover and was super happy... until the day the papers came in the mail for his wife and step-child, and they run away that very day (and because he signed the sponsorship papers, he's on the hook for the social benefits that they start claiming), and so he's financially and emotionally devastated.

    And from the flip side, a big danger (and well portrayed by Elizabeth Debicki in her guy-buying scene as Alice in the movie Widows) is the bride marries a monster, and with limited knowledge of English (or whatever the local language is) and the law, she's on her own.
     
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  10. VictorR

    VictorR Random Member V.I.P Member

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    Amongst those around my age, I've seen a lot of women marry (including common-law) down (i.e. she is in a far better financial and career situation) which takes away one of the traditional potential problems of marriage (and one which I deal with a lot in my work) - the woman feeling financially bound to stay with someone who turns out to be an abusive guy.

    So having nothing to offer financially isn't a make or break. If anything, someone who marries for money is someone who might not stay in the long run, similar to those who marry for citizenship. Of course, healthy finances is a part of any relationship, and it lack of finances can make things more challenging. But if it's true love, and both parties are happy to be together, why would it be a problem?

    ---

    As for the original question, the way it is posed "How many of you finally admit you will never be in a relationship or married?" implies that one is playing the relationship/marriage game.

    Yes, most people are there in the dugout and going out to swing, hoping for home runs or to otherwise score, or make it as far as they can.

    Except I was never in the dugout, or in the field. I was always in the stands as a spectator.

    I can't lose a game that I'm not playing.

    And for that reason, my answer is "N/A" :p

    ---

    And on the topic of marriage, this article reflects quite well my thoughts on the institution of marriage:
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201708/feminist-critique-marriage
     
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  11. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    I am starting to agree with you. All that show up are mostly couples, any single girls rarely if ever show and most don't want a relationship.
     
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  12. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    Strangely enough in the UK there are loads of single women in their 30s and no single men at church events.
     
  13. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    Not at my Church. There are couples and kids up the ying yang. It was the reason why I chose it for family friendly environment but latter realizing that there are very few single girls and the ones that are single most of the time are there once then never show up again. 90% it's the same couples and few single girls who don't want a relationship that show up rarely. The Johnny come lately are always a no show.

    The life group is almost all guys which my friend who leads it knows I am not pleased. The few girls one is married the other has a boyfriend and the other is engaged. Then there are the Johnny come lately no shows most of the time and the ones who are single by choice are there about 10% of the time.

    I really don't regret going to this Church. I have made some close friends with two couples, I know other couples who I talk to sometime for support, and I am friends with two girls who are single by choice, but we do communicate by phone sometimes. I just wish there were more single girls and not the same ones that show up that don't want a relationship or married.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2021
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  14. mw2530

    mw2530 Well-Known Member

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    I feel your pain. I have little faith of finding someone especially since I can't really even get a date. That's not a recipe to finding someone. I also am not willing to date someone who has a lot of baggage since I have my act together for the most part. It is kind of funny though the extent of my struggles since I am in good shape and I do better financially than most. It hurts, but I have not thought about it very often lately.

    But despite all of this, I must say that I have been in pretty decent spirits lately. There are a lot of advantages such as I can spend my free time as I like. I have been focusing on hobbies and interests and striving to make improvements in my life. It is definitely better to be single than to be in an unhealthy relationship in my opinion.
     
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  15. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    I had a couple of chances with girls in my 20s don't get me wrong I was not dating or asking a girl to date I was too afraid, but I was friends then with a couple and I blew it by not stepping up and eventually stopped attending. Even in College which was my most isolated years I was afraid of them I used to run away when they said hi and back then they did say hi to you unlike now where you have to say hi to them first.
     
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  16. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    l could date easily, l have a huge fan base of creepy men. Right now a creepy older maintenance man has subtly harrassed me. He came to the xmas party and l left. Because he always wants to have long conversations and l am not interested. It was rainy and he immedately pulled up in the maintance cart to drive me to car, l screamed no thanks and ran to my car. l wish he would leave me alone. l wish he would hit on the other older single female. If he was the last man on the earth, l still would still swim to a desert island to get away from him.
    And in another state, an idiot stalked me for 4 years. And l was really old. I mean seriously stalkers get your shxt together and go after young not senior citizens who are one step away from using a walker.
    I want no men at my funeral except for an extremely handsome hottie friend that is super nice.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2021
  17. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    The comments this post came out is funny. I love the Russian bride suggestion and no I would not consider it as I am practically broke and unemployed.

    Did not know about creepy guys. I am not creepy even though I look sloppy I am polite to girls I am friends with. Just wish more girls who are not already married would come up to me that I don't know from a previous group or meeting but that's 9 Never gonna happen.
     
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  18. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    I actually have found it easier for myself to find intimate relationships when I am not actively seeking or expecting them.
     
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  19. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    So does thinking negative saying I will never be in a relationship with a woman means it will never happen? It's hard to think positively for me especially during these anti social times.
     
  20. mw2530

    mw2530 Well-Known Member

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    Perhaps the healthier outlook is admitting that you don't know if it will or won't happen. Plus that is realistic since you really don't know for sure either way. You have some control and can improve your odds by growing and improving yourself in other areas.

    I have had few unexpected surprises in life in general (not speaking about relationships of any kind) so you never know.
     
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