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Featured How many of you finally admit you will never be in a relationship or married.

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Tony Ramirez, Jan 2, 2021.

  1. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    l am so sorry Owliet. Sorry that you didn't have anyone to explain this to you. l made some poor choices too because l had zero guidance growing up. But l am working hard on self-acceptance. Every day gets easier.
     
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  2. Owliet

    Owliet Active Member

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    I’m just glad that I learnt from it. It was a very confusing and distressing time.i had convinced myself that I really liked him too. Not love but near enough on that level. I used to cry afterwards because he would either leave or kick me out (usually at unsafe hours at night) and I didn’t really have any other experiences or feel that it wasn’t ok. I hate myself for it because it was so obvious, but when I eventually told my parents, it was my dad who whilst crying wanted to beat him up...and dads not violent Or cries that I realized that it was bad. I’m reluctant to date again because I don’t want it to happen again, but I also can’t let it rule me.
     
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  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Glad you are safe. Glad that your dad cared enough. l wasn't so lucky with my stepfather. But as you said, we came thru the hardknocks school, and we march forward. We learned about ourself. All you and l can do is try to help other woman in our lifetime
     
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  4. Joshua Aaron

    Joshua Aaron ️Autistic Pansexual, Young Tiefling Warlock, CG V.I.P Member

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    I think you should stop being so negative. You'll find your special somebody, someday. You just have to put your mind to it.
     
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  5. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    It's not happened yet not even a small chance. I was starting to branch out before that Covid crap shutdowns happened. When everything went virtual that crushed any slim chance now its 100/1 odds.
     
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  6. Joshua Aaron

    Joshua Aaron ️Autistic Pansexual, Young Tiefling Warlock, CG V.I.P Member

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    Everything will get better in time.
     
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  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Sorry you feel let down. This Covid has been distressing to many and we worry about jobs, relationships. We definitely are being tested. We need to stay positive. Can you volunteer? You meet kind people sometimes.
     
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  8. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Speaker, Life Strategist, Founder: The Charge Station™ Network
    I never had a chance to try this life coach. I like the sense of her personality and vibe though. I'm sure during this time, she'd be willing to help remotely if you want to try her out to help with life improvements. If you happen to not have a budget for spending, I say go for it!
     
  9. Slyfox

    Slyfox Well-Known Member

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    online is only where you find each other, then you meet. real love isn't found in coffee shop but it started there for alot of people. but real love doesn't exist anymore, what goes for love today is nothing more then a business contract.
     
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  10. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Sorry you feel that way. Some of us care more for someone than they can know. Some here have dated and married and know many choices out there. Some people truly care about each other. Others don't have the capacity to care deeper. But it's not my place to judge these types of relationships.
     
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  11. HidinginPlainSight

    HidinginPlainSight Well-Known Member

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    Same really. 41 and have accepted, more or less, that there isn't much chance of relating to another person. I've made many attempts, either through saying the wrong thing or acting contrary to expectations it always goes very wrong; usually spectacularly so.

    The less part of the more or less, is that I still do make attempts, but they tend not to be attached to any expectation and contain more understanding in regards to the outcome.

    Although it can sound morose and pessimistic, acceptance does not have to be attached to a negative feeling or lack of self worth. Relationships are one aspect of life but certainly not the only aspect of life. There are too many experiences in life for one person to possibly experience them all and too little time to ruminate too long about which ones you personally miss. Some rumination is natural and unavoidable, although it becomes the hindrance in the enjoyment of your life if you let it consume you. Focus on other things. Leave room for the possibility that you can find someone, but don't allow failures in that sphere define your own self worth.

    The pain is very real, and it is a pain you cannot expect any external support for. Cliches and assurances that someone (someone else) will love you are empty and provide little solace. Loneliness is a complicated human condition and one that can particularly effect those of us on the autistic spectrum. There is no simple answer.
     
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  12. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    The thing is I never dated a girl or ever been kissed or in a relationship. I only started to talk to girls "that I know" from Church life group and events, but they don't want a relationship. However, I was branching out maybe even going to talk to girls I don't know then that Covid crap hit and when things went virtual they were a disaster. You can't even talk to someone one on one, the lag, frozen screen, underwater speech and disconnections is terrible.
     
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  13. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    There are girls that probably feel they will never be in a relationship. There is a group of woman over 45 who never married. They get together and hang out. There are many single woman in my state. You probably would do better here. And there are many woman who go to church here.
     
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  14. Slyfox

    Slyfox Well-Known Member

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    true love doesn't care about what the other person has to offer. but that's all i see women on social media and dating sites talking and asking about. what does the man have to offer. He's got to have a good job, car and own home if he wants to be dateable/loveable. As a autistic guy on ssdi working min wage I do not and will never be loveable or a real man as they say. I've never asked what does a woman offer, nor do I think of relationships as exchanging stuff be it money or chores. This just seems to view humans as commodities. Doesn't' seem any different from shopping for something. I don't want to exchange money or social status for sex and emotional support. I just want a companion. I don't care what her job is or if she even has one, I don't care if she drives, works out, is thin, wears makeup, meets societies standards. I've seen too many relationships just be about these exchanges and soon as the guy loses his job his wife leaves, cause he isn't holding up his side. on another site i was always asked " well what do you have to offer, no being kind and loyal isn't offering anything that other guys with actual stuff to offer don't have" seems most people support and believe in this relationships as a transaction ideology. what's interesting is most of humans media portrays it as pure selfless romance, but we don't do it in practice. I am deemed as sub human worthless trash unworthy of love, connection or human interaction. I'm told to get a real job or die. i find it sad that alof of women feel the need to be thin, wear makeup, be happy, be social, or exchange sex(or deal with unequal sexual relationship) to be loved etc. I wish the way media portrays love and relationships was real.
    I don't have to work, i didn't have to seek work. I only sought work to improve my self to be deemed dateable, but I am defective and will never be loveable. Unfortunately i was also made with need for human interaction and I am not a independent person, so its extra harmful to my mental health, health, and deteriated me socially. I both welcome and fear death.
     
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  15. Slyfox

    Slyfox Well-Known Member

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    my state has more men than women, my city has over 2,000 more men then women, studies show this makes women more picky. nyc has millions more women than men, i hear its not so tough for men there.
    studies were done on college campus, found that places with more men then women led to more picky women and more relationships, where places with less men then women lead to less pick women and less relationships, more one night stands, sleeping around etc. it does make sense. if you have more options you can afford to be picky if you have few options you can't be as picky. reality is unless 2,000 women here are poly there isn't enough for all men to be in relationships. as a low level male means i get left out.theres always a better option than me. women in nyc have it tough, some pay thousands of dollars to match makers to find them husbands.
     
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  16. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    @Slyfox

    This sounds tough, however, these statistics are not as clear cut as you are feeling they are. Going to a dating site where you have heard from women who are looking for men who are financially well off, and then saying this represents the attitude of all women you might come across is a false deduction. You need to be where the women like yourself are, kind, loyal, women who are not motivated by money so much, so where will you find these people?

    Volunteering perhaps? Setting up charities or working for them? Helping in animal shelters? You actually only need one such person, and they probably are out there. Try volunteering. Try getting involved in a good cause. Try going to a class in social welfare or caring skills or counselling or offering support skills to a charity. Yes it's all remote at present, but when vaccines are widely distributed, you would meet like minded others doing this.
     
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  17. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I wish I could PM you privately, but I can't. But if you're into guys and near Philly, I think you have a real cute profile picture. Sorry if that's too forward. Thanks for writing helpful information for others on here and I wish you well.
     
  18. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Woman like men, get better or worse as we age.Some woman and me come through abusive relationships and vow never to date again in their lifetime. As you feel that you aren't dateable, l could show you 10 woman who feel exactly the same. So l guess you need to step outside of your comfort zone, get ready to hear *no* alot, but one day you may hear *yes*, l would like to go to get coffee with you. You defintely can be told no. Its hard to take. Some men have a system of asking every female for a date, because they figure eventually one will say yes.
     
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  19. sport

    sport Active Member

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    I would be terrified to date now days even more than several yrs ago.
     
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  20. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    I never ever been on a date in my life but if by some 100/1 odds it does happen I would be terrified on the date. I know I would do something ASD that will ruin it.
     
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