Who do I call to help me with money-based family matters?

[Cartoondude135]

I want to order love dolls, but mom disapproves for the following: the money in my bank account is for emergency purposes - due to the inflation crisis costing us more funds for bare necessities, the pandemic is still here and although the omicron wave settled, it may rise again, and she says if I want 2 dolls, she needs me to get my own house to rent and see if I can support myself financially. This money is my money, from my years of work at the bottle depot. But now, due to the inflation, she wants to save it for the bare necessities. But she claims most of it now is from her savings, even though she sold an apartment recently, which should now supply her with enough proceeds to last her for a while.

She still refuses to help me order them as she wants a cheaper brand of love dolls. She claims "silicone is just silicone", but this silicone is much different from other love doll silicone as - if made under the right season, can last literally forever and if you handle it properly. But I keep telling her there's no other brand of love dolls that look like what I'm going after. You know how long I've been searching for the perfect girl from my fantasy world? Never, in a million years, did I think I could actually forge a girl right from my own imagination. Well now, I can create her or them right there! But that kind of cost doesn't come cheap. As the golden rule is: The more you need, the more it will cost you. Plus, this is my future she's looking at and she wants her son to have a happy ending once she passes. But right now, I'm not happy due to her rejection of a special, yet explicit but safe goal I want to accomplish: intimately meeting the girls of my dreams. As normal girls on average wouldn't do that as that would be deemed rape and leads to jail charges.

Speaking of passes, any day could be the day she never sees the light of tomorrow/leaves me... permanently; eventually, this condo unit will all be mine, so I don't feel like gathering even more money to find a cheap and affordable bachelor pad, let alone move just to invite some lifeless girls I desire as I've already got cozy in this ground floor condo. You really never know when your time is up.

So if there's any support workers or lawyers in Vancouver BC, Canada that supports this type of situation, please reply ASAP.


To help answer some potential questions, here's some answers below:

First, can I regain full control of my own bank account? If I can, how?

Next, this money I earned is from my old bottle depot job at Regional Recycling while half of it is from my government autism fund support.

Third, my mom help me create my bank account as she has her own separate bank account. I even have my own RBC card to access it. But she does most of the checking on my account via her iPhone. That's the part that's impeding me from doing whatever I want with my own hard-earned money.

Fourth, I have the RBC app and there's an RBC bank branch nearby.

Fifth,the place I want to get the sex doll from does not use credit cards, they use SWIFT or wire transfer.

Sixth, although this bank account she help me make is mine, she's currently in control of it via her iPhone RBC app. She can transfer funds from my bank account to hers and vice versa if she has to.

Seventh, yes, I can make decisions about my account savings on my own.

Eighth, no, to make large purchases, she doesn't need to approve them from my account. I just need her permission to order something and she does the rest as she knows how the controls of an online mobile banking app works. But here in this case, she says no to this order request.

Ninth, yes, she has my credentials (bank card number and password).

And tenth, yes, she is feeding me and supplying all the bare necessities, so due to that, I basically get to live here for free. She even called me a leech for "using money from her" even though I haven't purchased anything unnecessary as of today - at least not yet. She used to work as a banquet server, but she got laid off due to the pandemic. So now she works at a plastic bag factory and she isn't making as much as she use to. So basically the financial stress is getting to her and that's what's causing her to reject my next order request. I'm already under a roof, supplied with food, etc. I just need a booster shot and a very decent job to show her I'm no money leech and that I am spending accordingly. Due to my autism, I can't explain clearly. Also, since she's 56.5, she retires in 3.5 years from now. So she won't earn anymore money by then.

 

[Cartoondude135]

You must be a troll.

I'm not a troll. This is my money and my bank account I'm using, not hers. My mom help me create my bank account as she has her own separate bank account. I even have my own RBC card to access it. But she does most of the checking on my account via her iPhone. That's the part that's impeding me from doing whatever I want with my own hard-earned money. And yes, although this bank account she help me make is mine, she's currently in control of it via her iPhone RBC app. She can transfer funds from my bank account to hers and vice versa if she has to. Now I wish I never gave her my bank account info to begin with...

 

[VictorR]

Hi -

1) I highly recommend you remove your address from your post.

2) To answer your questions, it would be helpful to know if...

a) The account is a joint account
b) Your mother has guardianship or power of attorney

 

[Cartoondude135]

I highly recommend you remove your address from your post.

Done and done.

 

[Cartoondude135]

a) The account is a joint account
b) Your mother has guardianship or power of attorney

I use Royal Bank of Canada (RBC), so how do I check to know if my account is a joint account?

And, well..... this bank account she help me make is mine, but she's currently in control of it via her iPhone RBC app. She can transfer funds from my bank account to hers and vice versa if she has to. I only recall giving her my card number and password.

 

[Gerontius]

Do you even know what you sound like?

You don't have to answer that question. I prefer that you keep the answer to yourself; just think on it.


You're waiting for your mother to die so you can inherit the condo and trying to use "your autism" as an excuse for why you should be allowed to buy a sex doll with her money. Your mother hasn't been working her arse off for the last 35 or more years to support the "special" son, then sits around moping about how much money your mom makes and how that will buy you a sex doll that costs more than some peoples' cars.

Your mother, by some miracle, cares about you--the rubber woman will only be a sleeve for you to spend your defective juices and be propped up in the closet later. Yet it appears you have more regard for a sex toy than you do for your own mother.

If you have a fragment of dignity left, apologize to your mother, and I'm not sure you aren't a troll. Hope I don't find you in the police blotter later, but I will not be surprised when I do.

 

[Aspychata]

Those dolls are about a couple of thousand dollars. Maybe keep working and save up for one. Probably better than taking money out of account or from your very hard working mother. Nobody will complain if you are out there working hard and saving your money for your "entertainment purposes".

 

[Cartoondude135]

Hi -

1) I highly recommend you remove your address from your post.

2) To answer your questions, it would be helpful to know if...

a) The account is a joint account
b) Your mother has guardianship or power of attorney

Hope these pics identify if my account is mine or a joint.

 

[Cartoondude135]

You're waiting for your mother to die so you can inherit the condo and trying to use "your autism" as an excuse for why you should be allowed to buy a sex doll with her money.

I'm not using her money, I'm using my own hard-earned bottle depot money. But she disapproves due to the current inflation and pandemic still circling.

 

[VictorR]

I'm going to take a step back from answering the question asked.

@Cartoondude135,

I understand that you have saved some money and wish to make a "big ticket" purchase.

Something that we all have to consider, regardless of whether or not we have the money for something, or access to money for something, is whether or not it may be prudent to make the purchase.

As I stated in another thread which you had started, you are residing in an area with a high cost of living.

Even in the event that one owns an condo or apartment outright, they would still have strata fees, property tax, utility bills, and insurance, which would cost several hundred dollars per month.

If I recall correctly, you are currently not working. I think your mother means well when she declined to facilitate a "big ticket" purchase that isn't intended for academic or entrepreneurial purposes.

While your money is yours to spend as you please, you do have to take into consideration that she isn't going to be able to indefinitely assist with paying bills and buying and preparing food for you, in addition to any other domestic work. She might even potentially need you at some point to assist with one or more of those. As such, it's important for everyone to have, where possible, some long term savings that is not used except when absolutely necessary for essentials.

Perhaps if this purchase is something you really want, that you can make it your goal to obtain a new job, and then from that job set a certain portion aside for longer term savings (to add to your "nest / rainy day fund"), while also setting some aside for "fun money" and once you've saved enough "fun money" to make the purchase, and if you are still wishing to make the purchase at that time, to then revisit the question. Your mother would likely be more supportive as @Aspychata suggests.

Setting goals, working towards them, and achieving them can serve as good life lessons on patience and dedication, in addition to being rewarding. I hope this helps.

 

[Tom]

Enough with the "love dolls." I think creepy adult issues are out of place at this forum. There's creepy adult forums for that anyway.

 

[1ForAll]

You want your mom to buy you a sex doll, and you think this is normal behavior??? Also, you think you are entitled to the money for it??? Your mom....? Dude, are you high?

If it were my son, and he were whining that he wanted to get some plastic action..., no offense, but I'd knock him upside the head with a plastic flip flop, and then I'd tell him to go chop firewood before I hit him with a plastic spatula too....And violence solves nothing. I forgot to mention the obvious. Or is that funny, what you said? I am not laughing.

You must be a troll.

Um, no. Why do I get the feeling that if this were a woman saying she needed such, your advice and attitude would be totally different and your hostility would be less?

 

[Aspychata]

I really don't wish to judge. I think it's more helpful to help this person understand that basic living needs take priority. I have struggled with this at certain points in my life. I now am more strict. Some men decide they never will attract who they want for different reasons and decide this is do able thing.

I just hope that the OP understands that a sizable purchase is better spent on transportation, living accommodations, or savings. Perhaps they don't quite realize how expensive this purchase runs.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

By living with your mom, and under her roof, especially if she pays for housing, utilities and food, and you are not paying her rent, you have no entitlement for independent action. Live independently and then you may make your own financial decisions.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I just hope that the OP understands that a sizable purchase is better spent on transportation, living accommodations, or savings. Perhaps they don't quite realize how expensive this purchase runs.

Amen! When I first started living on my own, understanding how to budget was very important and now I see it as a valuable lesson learned. Consequences of purchases have an immediacy to them when shelter, food and transportation must be paid for first and foremost. Guys my age were getting into debt with fancy cars and other acutraments, and, yes, I was a little envious, but learned that my practicality paid off in enabling my greater freedom.

 

[Aspychata]

Amen! When I first started living on my own, understanding how to budget was very important and now I see it as a valuable lesson learned. Consequences of purchases have an immediacy to them when shelter, food and transportation must be paid for first and foremost. Guys my age were getting into debt with fancy cars and other acutraments, and, yes, I was a little envious, but learned that my practicality paid off in enabling my greater freedom.

That's why these forums are important. We kinda of have to help those with the things we had to get thru. Sometimes what we work thru isn't so obvious to others for different reasons. I lived many years paycheck to paycheck. I lived in a very expensive place, Hawaii. But the beauty and beach were so uplifting, it was worth being poor for. Waikiki was beautiful when l lived there. It then turned rough, then the tourist industry stepped in and cleaned it up but now it's totally commercial. So it was neat to experience a slice of paradise.

I gave up a career, finding a romance just for the sheer beauty of paradise. Now l wouldn't be able to afford it. ND people do think differently. I try not to judge this poster. His paradise is a silicone lady.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

OMG. I just processed some of this. Have you asked your mother about how she feels about this? I know of NO woman who would not be disturbed by a son who sees women as objects, mere receptacles for their lust. I cannot think that your mother raised you to think that.

 

[Aspychata]

OMG. I just processed some of this. Have you asked your mother about how she feels about this? I know of NO woman who would not be disturbed by a son who sees women as objects, mere receptacles for their lust. I cannot think that your mother raised you to think that.

Maybe he doesn't have the maturity to have a relationship with another. Some of these men fall in love with these dolls and set them up at meal time and have parties for them. Some try to marry them. Not all of us are capable of a relationship. But we are all entitled to our opinions.

I have wondered about my ability to be in one. But guys keep signing my guest book. I have a repeat flyer asking for a second chance.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Maybe he doesn't have the maturity to have a relationship with another. Some of these men fall in love with these dolls and set them up at meal time and have parties for them. Some try to marry them. Not all of us are capable of a relationship. But we are all entitled to our opinions.

I just feel that it is sad that we live in a society where it is so easy to leave some basic human needs unmet. Sometimes I am confused by the dance we do to connect with another for some honest intimacy. I do not know where or how I learned not to objectify women, but I did so in some unhealthy ways. Starting to date, I did not know how to move down the path towards intimacy and was absolutely afraid of disrespecting those I dated. That feeling also interfered with my asking out a very nice woman I was infatuated with because of the sexual feelings I had about her. I could see how a fantasy would substitute for the sometimes harsh reality of a relationship, especially with some of the social deficits that ASD saddles us with.

 

[1ForAll]

I want to order love dolls, but mom disapproves for the following: the money in my bank account is for emergency purposes - due to the inflation crisis costing us more funds for bare necessities, the pandemic is still here and although the omicron wave settled, it may rise again, and she says if I want 2 dolls, she needs me to get my own house to rent and see if I can support myself financially. This money is my money, from my years of work at the bottle depot. But now, due to the inflation, she wants to save it for the bare necessities. But she claims most of it now is from her savings, even though she sold an apartment recently, which should now supply her with enough proceeds to last her for a while.

She still refuses to help me order them as she wants a cheaper brand of love dolls. She claims "silicone is just silicone", but this silicone is much different from other love doll silicone as - if made under the right season, can last literally forever and if you handle it properly. But I keep telling her there's no other brand of love dolls that look like what I'm going after. You know how long I've been searching for the perfect girl from my fantasy world? Never, in a million years, did I think I could actually forge a girl right from my own imagination. Well now, I can create her or them right there! But that kind of cost doesn't come cheap. As the golden rule is: The more you need, the more it will cost you. Plus, this is my future she's looking at and she wants her son to have a happy ending once she passes. But right now, I'm not happy due to her rejection of a special, yet explicit but safe goal I want to accomplish: intimately meeting the girls of my dreams. As normal girls on average wouldn't do that as that would be deemed rape and leads to jail charges.

Speaking of passes, any day could be the day she never sees the light of tomorrow/leaves me... permanently; eventually, this condo unit will all be mine, so I don't feel like gathering even more money to find a cheap and affordable bachelor pad, let alone move just to invite some lifeless girls I desire as I've already got cozy in this ground floor condo. You really never know when your time is up.

So if there's any support workers or lawyers in Vancouver BC, Canada that supports this type of situation, please reply ASAP.


To help answer some potential questions, here's some answers below:

First, can I regain full control of my own bank account? If I can, how?

Next, this money I earned is from my old bottle depot job at Regional Recycling while half of it is from my government autism fund support.

Third, my mom help me create my bank account as she has her own separate bank account. I even have my own RBC card to access it. But she does most of the checking on my account via her iPhone. That's the part that's impeding me from doing whatever I want with my own hard-earned money.

Fourth, I have the RBC app and there's an RBC bank branch nearby.

Fifth,the place I want to get the sex doll from does not use credit cards, they use SWIFT or wire transfer.

Sixth, although this bank account she help me make is mine, she's currently in control of it via her iPhone RBC app. She can transfer funds from my bank account to hers and vice versa if she has to.

Seventh, yes, I can make decisions about my account savings on my own.

Eighth, no, to make large purchases, she doesn't need to approve them from my account. I just need her permission to order something and she does the rest as she knows how the controls of an online mobile banking app works. But here in this case, she says no to this order request.

Ninth, yes, she has my credentials (bank card number and password).

And tenth, yes, she is feeding me and supplying all the bare necessities, so due to that, I basically get to live here for free. She even called me a leech for "using money from her" even though I haven't purchased anything unnecessary as of today - at least not yet. She used to work as a banquet server, but she got laid off due to the pandemic. So now she works at a plastic bag factory and she isn't making as much as she use to. So basically the financial stress is getting to her and that's what's causing her to reject my next order request. I'm already under a roof, supplied with food, etc. I just need a booster shot and a very decent job to show her I'm no money leech and that I am spending accordingly. Due to my autism, I can't explain clearly. Also, since she's 56.5, she retires in 3.5 years from now. So she won't earn anymore money by then.

Hello, you may or may not get more support in the other thread below (link provided at the end of my post here) that was created by a woman who dealt with that companion issue. You'll notice when a woman talks of such issues, there is less judgement and hostility. So, try not to dwell on advice or comments in the current thread where you posted that you saw as very critical, unbalanced, not constructive, and not realistic, as each has special needs, limitations, triggers and abilities, with environments and needs that may not be understood by many of us. Often it is easier to want us all to be NTs, or to act according to gender stereotype, wanting to see all men and women as the same, much less those with Autism. Some people here forget where the heck they are.

I commend you for inquiring about your banking account, and for trying to get your other big need met, in more realistic and less problematic ways. You know yourself, limitations, needs and abilities best and I like it that you tried hard to work before, saved up, are willing to consider such again, and searched for advice here. I also like it that you are trying to do something about your feelings and needs, instead of resorting to lifelong pity and not wanting to act, but complain. Whether others here want to focus on the bad, or tell you how easy it is, I have Autistic and ADHD family members and empathize there with their struggles.

Although it would be preferable that you were able to live independently and have such a companion then, as your Mom seems very uncomfortable with this at her home and has other financial worries, it is not your fault you are not some NT who can get certain things easier, or that you feel so alone. That is natural for many of us I feel. You have every right to get such support, have such a companion, but it will take some sacrifices on your part, as we live in a give and take world. When we want something, this means we have to give something. Well, if that is your money, then that is what you'd give. But, your mom could ask you for rent then, to be fair, so prepare for that.

First, what are your abilities to live independently? If you feel you are able now to do such, or could do so sooner than later, please consider that, and make up a step-by-step plan with your Mom there, or alone or with others' help if need be, and I am not sure if she was or was not helping in the past and prioritizing there. It should be unrealistic for her to expect you to live without other types of companionship, but it would be unrealistic for you to not think your mother could be very uncomfortable or shocked at that request, as I would too, if my sons wanted such later. And it could be unrealistic for you to not think your mother could not prefer you be more independent and financially able in other ways first, as that is when most physical relationships often occur.

But, I balance that with: Would your Mom prefer you spent years of wasted energy and money on finding a woman, be severely suicidal then, or want you to take some big chance anyway on having the real life partner or you mistreat each other in some ways because of incompatibility, limitations or certain concerning behaviors there. Would your Mom want you to be financially responsible for that relationship, as most courts would side with the woman there during some split? Imagine if children were involved? The costs involved would be enormously high for all of that. Does your Mom want you to be and feel alone forever? If I were your parent, I would have addressed these companion and independence issues long ago, with a plan to get there, starting in the teens. I would know as a parent what my son or daughter could handle or not, reasonably needed and not, and I'd focus on their happiness and health there.

Some of your questions can be answered by going to the bank, and inquiring if the account is in your name only and if you have full rights to that money of yours that you deposited, and inquiring there if the mother is a joint account holder with you, or has some guardianship or power of attorney over you, to be able to do transfers, withdrawals, etc, if your mother seems evasive there or says she has rights there. Of course though, doing so prematurely or fighting with her now regarding that is not necessarily advisable yet, and as I do not know the details, and if things can be worked out. Regarding the latter, would you agree to some plan, for instance, where you try to get another job, and then when you do so, you pay monthly rent to her, with agreement you buy that item then or move out then if need be? This could be a compromise solution.


Would aspies be interested in a companion doll?