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Square Hole

Emily Canafax

Emily Canafax

Active Member
V.I.P Member
As a newly diagnosed Aspie with 33 years of life behind me, I am learning my perceptions of most or all of my human interactions are terribly flawed. From my "best friends" to the worst treatment I have ever received from a human (coworkers, but I now understand and feel for them in each situation), I have been easily misled and over-trusting. This was not to my detriment most of the time because I never realized or recognized the misleading behavior of others until my last job and romantic relationship.

Now that I realize I have been laughed at and basically told how to behave, I am struggling with what is reality and what have I perceived incorrectly. After collecting skills in all restaurant positions and call centers, I must now begin a career path anew with the knowledge that I may never attain the dreams I have put my education and time behind because I simply cannot play well with others. This is my journey to the Square Hole.
 
First WELCOME to the forums Emily dear

Second DONT let this diagnose stand in youre way for youre hopes and dreams Emily ,NEVER stop trying to reach youre goal. If i would have listend to all around me that dident think i would be able to (in my case be a truck driver ) i wouldn't had the chance to actually MAKE it ALL the way Emily YES ME with ALL my diagnosis behind the wheel of a fully loaded Big rig long haul . And i MADE it i was approved by my boss and he was happy with me (sadly i had to step down tho BUT that was due to LOOONG workdays and WAY to mush stress so my body told me its time to leave OR else ..... ) So i had no choice.THIS said i NEVER stopped trying Emily and lord knows it was a LOOONG HARD crooked road with TONS of bumps on the road. BUT i still gave it all i got and as i said i DID it and SO CAN YOU Emily on ALL accounts TRUST me on this . but it will take a lot of hard work & willingness from youre side Emily

(Btw i got my ASD diagnose at 30 as well Obviously had it and every one else of my current diagnosis since birth but they dident find it until then )
 
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You sound like me but I'm still pre-diagnosis. I'm so glad I joined this forum, I'm sure you'll find your people here too. Best wishes for your new life direction.
 
Life hands you cliffs, you jumped and landed here into a big safety net. We got you covered. Alot of this forum discovered themselves late in life to be part of this sub-group. Many of us way older then you, so feel safe, navigate your new journey and succeed.
 
Hi @Emily Canafax and welcome to the community :)

Don't give up on anything Emily. You're the same person you were before diagnosis except that now, you have the power your new knowledge brings with it. You've solved a mystery and now you can build on it.
 
Hi Emily

After several years of first hearing about aspergers, I finally got my diagnosis over a week ago.

Anyway, welcome!
 
Welcome Emily. Don't despair. If you genuinely don't like working with others, put your career goals and education into a job that allows you to work alone as much as possible. Think big, be prepared, and have conviction. In my do-over dream life, I would have been an accountant. In exchange, I wouldn't have been able to travel as I did. No regrets for my decisions, but if I had been aware of my ASD traits, I would have avoided all the predictable aggravation that comes with trying to be and do like everyone else. Varied experiences are good for anyone, so never fear change. Make the change you really want.
 
Hello and welcome to the site. I didn't get diagnosed until 37, so I can understand some of your feelings.
 
Peter Morrison said:
Welcome Emily. Don't despair. If you genuinely don't like working with others, put your career goals and education into a job that allows you to work alone as much as possible. Think big, be prepared, and have conviction. In my do-over dream life, I would have been an accountant. In exchange, I wouldn't have been able to travel as I did. No regrets for my decisions, but if I had been aware of my ASD traits, I would have avoided all the predictable aggravation that comes with trying to be and do like everyone else. Varied experiences are good for anyone, so never fear change. Make the change you really want.
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I love working with others until I realize they never ever liked working with me. By the time I am aware of their hatred, there are already many "gang up on Emily" things at play. I absolutely agree; if I had not gotten my diagnosis late, I may never had become a professional cook and trained chef. I would not have worked at the restaurant as a server first for 10 years, and I would not have crashed in flames and had to pick myself up to rebuild to a new career, only to blow that one too. As I am writing this, I am also getting the whiny "why me?" victim sound in this speech. I think I'm at the bottom of the mountain again, and all I want to do is cry about it so far. I'm sure I'll get over it and back on the damn hike up. I (and likely, we) always do.
 
Emily Canafax said:
I love working with others until I realize they never ever liked working with me. By the time I am aware of their hatred, there are already many "gang up on Emily" things at play. I absolutely agree; if I had not gotten my diagnosis late, I may never had become a professional cook and trained chef. I would not have worked at the restaurant as a server first for 10 years, and I would not have crashed in flames and had to pick myself up to rebuild to a new career, only to blow that one too. As I am writing this, I am also getting the whiny "why me?" victim sound in this speech. I think I'm at the bottom of the mountain again, and all I want to do is cry about it so far. I'm sure I'll get over it and back on the damn hike up. I (and likely, we) always do.
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I can see that you understand what you are up against in the workplace, but I don't feel you are at the end of the line. Being a chef is a difficult job, and I have never known of a kitchen that wasn't a hotbed of bad attitudes and fits of anger. I don't like the fact that people are picking on you. This happens to most people on the spectrum. Kindness and a helpful demeanor suggest weakness in some settings. We're targets.

You must clearly understand your value as a chef and restaurant professional, so I hope you are maintaining your self-esteem. Your experience should get you a lot of interviews for jobs you might consider better suited to your skills and interests. It's possible that you are working with people who are grossly less professional than you are. That's not an enjoyable place for anyone who is serious about their job. I suggest finding a better establishment where there is cohesive cooperation and professionalism among the staff. It wouldn't hurt to try, and now, you know what you are looking for and what you know to avoid.
 
Emily Canafax said:
I think I'm at the bottom of the mountain again, and all I want to do is cry about it so far. I'm sure I'll get over it and back on the damn hike up. I (and likely, we) always do.
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The thing is, you never quite go back to the bottom of the mountain. Each thing you've done is useful, even if it went terribly, because each one of them helped you develop into the person who is going to be able to do the next thing. At least that has been my experience. 20 year old Meghan couldn't have handled the career I'm now going into. 25 year old Meghan couldn't either, and also couldn't handle the career she already had. 30 year old Meghan, however, is armed with all of their experience and a new diagnosis to help understand it all. As someone in the middle of hiking back up that mountain, all I can say is remember that you're a better hiker now than you were when you climbed it the last time. You're stronger and you know the terrain. You can do this.

(Picking the right mountain helps a lot, though. So does finding guides to point out the best way to the top.)

*here ends the overly metaphorical pep talk from a complete stranger
 
To look at Meghan's post from another perspective, I am reminded of the US Marine with a few tours in "The Sandbox" (Iraq and Afghanistan) under his belt who I ran into on a survivalist forum during the Great Recession when survivalism was popular.

We were discussing some idiot in Chico, California, who was served some sort of violation by a fish and game warden and got all mad about it and wound up hauled to the Butte County Jail over what would have otherwise been a fine of a few hundred bucks. Even worse, a local reporter heard all this over the "scanner" (a special radio built to receive two way transmissions from public service workers such as cops and firefighters) in the newsroom and soon this guy wound up with his face on the top of the local newspaper's website. (Chico has about 100,000 people and revolves around a university-the type of place where everybody knows everybody's business.)

We were all laughing over the guy, and the Marine said that when he (the Marine) first got to Afghanistan that his new commanding officer took him outside, gestured towards a nearby mountain range, and told him "Kid, you're gonna have to decide which mountain is worth dying for." Some "mountains" aren't worth climbing, much less dying for. But you alone have to make that decision. We are here for support, but the final decision is yours.
 
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