My former friend uninvited me to his retreat.

[Tony Ramirez]

He tried to blame it on me. Saying that I don't go to the group enough. That I can't handle it emotionally. I was devastated and it bought back memories of my past. He was my first friend I made at the church but he was toxic. He was the one who said I was obsessed with women. That I would never have a girlfriend. He made me think the Thursday group was against me until my wise yoga teacher Tashya convince me that it was him.

Since joining two life groups, one for two years and the other now for a few months I got much support from them even though they consist of almost all women it boosted my conversation and confidence greatly to approach to talk to them. Also it gave me a mind set since most were single that they all did not hate me. Unlike my former friend who would say I am obsessed.

My mother finally said not to bother to contact him anymore. Just to greet him at service. I did not even when I was a mess last week. I only contacted those few people including that kind woman who says kind words too me. I don't need him. I have better friends now. Too tell the truth I don't think he likes that I am autistic. All my other friends know and they don't care.

 

[kriss72]

Doesn't sound like he was a real friend, then he would have supported you...

 

[Forest Cat]

That's a shame. It's probably best to just politely say hi if you meet him and not make a big deal out of it. Be the bigger person.

 

[Rodafina]

Tony,
I've realized that I have been so lonely in life that sometimes I identified extremely toxic people in my life as friends. When I had the chance to make real friends, it put those others in an especially poor light and I realized what real friendship is... and what it is not.

I'm glad you have found people that you feel close to now. The person you describe sounds like someone that you may be better off without, especially now that you have a growing social network and friends that treat you well.

 

[Hypnalis]

Is it his retreat, or a group activity with him as part of the group?
This probably doesn't matter, but it will be useful for you to know if he's overstepping his authority.

He was the one who said I was obsessed with women. That I would never have a girlfriend. ... think the Thursday group was against me

He might have been right about the first part (at that time - not now)
But the second is not acceptable, and the third is solid evidence that he's not someone you can trust.

You're doing the right thing already: i.e. stay polite, but otherwise don't interact.

But a retreat (if you mean e.g. a group "spiritual weekend") is a little different.
Do you really want to go? Are these regular events that you sometimes participate in and look forward to?

 

[Fino]

He might have done you a favor. You would have been stuck with this fool for however long the retreat was. Avoid at all costs, in my opinion.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I been pestering the other two groups I am in to do a retreat and they tell me I have to organize it. Me. I can't do that. No way.

 

[Fino]

I been pestering the other two groups I am in to do a retreat and they tell me I have to organize it. Me. I can't do that. No way.

Yeah, I find that to be a silly response. Retreats can be amazing so I hope you find one. They will certainly have one eventually.

 

[jsilver256]

I been pestering the other two groups I am in to do a retreat and they tell me I have to organize it. Me. I can't do that. No way.

Maybe ask everyone to chip into a travel agent and have that person plan it?

 

[tree]

I been pestering the other two groups I am in to do a retreat and they tell me I have to organize it. Me. I can't do that. No way.

Is there a rule saying that all retreats must be organized by one person, solo, no teamwork?

 

[Xinyta]

He tried to blame it on me. Saying that I don't go to the group enough. That I can't handle it emotionally. I was devastated and it bought back memories of my past. He was my first friend I made at the church but he was toxic. He was the one who said I was obsessed with women. That I would never have a girlfriend. He made me think the Thursday group was against me until my wise yoga teacher Tashya convince me that it was him.

Since joining two life groups, one for two years and the other now for a few months I got much support from them even though they consist of almost all women it boosted my conversation and confidence greatly to approach to talk to them. Also it gave me a mind set since most were single that they all did not hate me. Unlike my former friend who would say I am obsessed.

My mother finally said not to bother to contact him anymore. Just to greet him at service. I did not even when I was a mess last week. I only contacted those few people including that kind woman who says kind words too me. I don't need him. I have better friends now. Too tell the truth I don't think he likes that I am autistic. All my other friends know and they don't care.

Some people are just inherently toxic. They don't see thier own behavior as abnormal. Even though it's blatantly obvious that it is, for everyone else.

You did the right thing. Having this learning experience is a positive thing and will make you stronger. Hopefully the experience also has taught you how to look for certain red flags people tend to present in thier behavior and actions.

More of the best will follow.

I been pestering the other two groups I am in to do a retreat and they tell me I have to organize it. Me. I can't do that. No way.

Well the best way to address this is to say something along the line of "I appreciate the suggestion. But that isn't in my wheelhouse."

Some people are inherently followers and expect someone else, but themselves, to take the lead on these kind of things. It's not something anyone can just do, obviously. It's alright.

Hopefull you can find something though.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I may have lost two more friends due to my oversharing because of my autism. Not the one girl but the leader I did kind of a warning text saying I shared too much. But since I did not hear from the other one either I might have finally overstep my bounds. I hate having autism. I am going to end up with no friends again.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

l had zero friends, so l dialed down my needs.

The rate I am going because of my constant oversharing by next year this time I am going to have zero friends.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

You have a nice smile by the way.

Thanks but it's starting to bother me looking at it. I changed to something less approachable.

 

[thejuice]

I hope they understand your autism and that you didn't mean to over share? I often wonder why I say the things I do!

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I hate having autism. No matter how hard I try to live a normal life in a neurotypical world my neurodivergent always ruined it somehow.

 

[VictorR]

I been pestering the other two groups I am in to do a retreat and they tell me I have to organize it. Me. I can't do that. No way.

It sounds like going on a retreat is something that you really want to do.

But different people go on retreats for different reasons, and planning one can take a lot of time and effort.

Everyone has their priorities, and so while many people may be willing to join an event if it seems sufficiently interesting to them, most people tend not to plan/organize unless the event is one that they want to happen sufficiently to the point of taking the lead in planning, organizing, and/or hosting.

What the others are saying isn't necessarily that you have to do everything yourself, but that you should take the lead on it. This actually gives you the opportunity to create the event that you want to go to, but of course your peers will be there to offer thoughts and opinions to help you shape the event, and as you go along, they may be willing to assist with certain aspects as well.

While it may be daunting, especially if you don't have experience with event planning, everyone is new to something at some point in time, and if you ask nicely (even here for example), you'll find that some people are open to sharing advice and pointers when they have the ability to do so, so give it a go!

 

[Trippy_Wonka]

I’m sorry this happened to you. What’s most important for me to remember at times like these is that something that is very meaningful to me (attending the retreat, participating in your friend’s social circle) might not seem as important to them. They might have no idea they have hurt you

Or maybe they do and don’t care, which is a separate issue

My point is, you seem to have already put this person into the past tense. Be careful. It can be easy to let go of someone. Important, and necessary at times. But suspiciously easy

Much love and support. You deserve the best, and you shouldn’t accept less

Just make sure you advocate for yourself before you deprive yourself

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Try not to get to Christian so please don't move this post to the religion forum but I have to get this off my chest.

Since these past few months since so called getting closer to God I thought my life was getting better. Meanwhile I was more wound up. I been oversharing and been over friendly too the point now of creepiness. I think it warped my mind seeing how Christian NTs online and in person act toward each other so I tried to mask it but came on too strong. Even watching their lives I would see how they would flow, give their testimony and interact. So I would practically give my testimony to every Tom dick and Harry now going too far.

I am still attending Chuch and groups. I am not stopping that. But I am going back to listening to EDM music which calmed me down way more than worship music that made me too emotional. I am also going to focus more on yoga and meditation, maybe even doing it at home more now that even my uncle knows and accepts I do it.

 

[tree]

Is there a rule saying that all retreats must be organized by one person, solo, no teamwork?

@Tony Ramirez

Still wondering about this.

Must all retreats be a result of only one person's effort?
Or can people work together to plan a retreat?