What does this mean?

[chameleonov]

I've started at this new job last month. And there's been this lady at work I've had a few short conversations with when I started, I was trying to be friendly and ask how things work etc.. Other than that we have pretty much ignored each other and do our job. But over the weeks, one time as our shift was ending she came up to me while I was walking on my way out she sparked up a small convo, I was surprised and didn't know how to react(I was very tired as well, I could barely pay attention to what she was saying), we exchanged a few sentences, then we just said bye and I went home. Didn't really think much of it.

Weeks go by, we just nod and say hi sometimes, but that's it. And then one day this week, as I am about to take an order I need to pack, she is in queue in front of me before I can get the product I need, and I'm waiting for a minute or two and it's complete silence between us, she comes up to me and asks if I am going to for an 'after work' for drinks(with the some of the crew at work). I'm a bit disoriented, but say that I haven't planned for it.(I don't drink alcohol at all). I ask where it is at and she says they haven't decided yet and would let me know(later?).

We haven't really had any more conversations since then and, just a very short one this Friday more work related. She looks like a nice girl, maybe a little bit impulsive, but I can't really tell what to make of this.

Do you think this means anything. Or am I just being delusional? I am really REALLY bad at reading people and what it is supposed to mean, otherwise I wouldn't be make this thread.

 

[Mary Terry]

I think she is just being friendly. She probably thinks you look like a nice boy. Don't read too much into it. It's nice that she is trying to include you in the employee group that likes to get together after work for a drink. You don't have to join them or drink alcohol if you go with them. Just order a soft drink or a cup of coffee or whatever you like.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Good on you for asking, because the worst thing one can do is "assume" anything. She seems a bit shy, as are you, from your post. Never-the-less, she appears to be reaching out to you, in her own way. Why? You won't have a clue regarding her intent unless she, someday, reveals it to you. At this point, I would take it as a friendly gesture, nothing more. If you are invited for drinks with the crew at work, I would highly recommend it, and NO, you don't have to drink alcohol. Order a soda, perhaps a bit of pub food, and sit where the conversation is active. You don't even need to participate in the conversation. (I know some of us really have a difficult time with group conversations, the jumping in and out of, the quick responses, no monologuing, etc.). Most of the time, I can sit and smile and laugh with the group without adding to the conversation. You don't have to stay long. An hour, perhaps two, but show your face, be part of the team. Just because you hadn't planned on a social event, especially those after work ones, if you can, just go. Most of those are rather spontaneous events that no one had planned on, either.

One of the autistic traits that many struggle with, amongst others, is this thing called "reciprocity". We often find ourselves being recipients of nice gestures or compliments, but are poor at giving them out or responding appropriately. This is one of the most important things that interpersonal relationships are made of. If someone asks your name, ask for theirs. If someone helps you out at work, you help them out (even if they aren't necessarily asking). You can often tell when someone is dealing with a lot of work, is overwhelmed, and needs a helping hand. If you have a moment, just jump in and take a bit of the load off. At the very least, ask if they would like some help. Random acts of kindness will get you everywhere.

 

[Forest Cat]

One of the autistic traits that many struggle with, amongst others, is this thing called "reciprocity". We often find ourselves being recipients of nice gestures or compliments, but are poor at giving them out or responding appropriately. This is one of the most important things that interpersonal relationships are made of. If someone asks your name, ask for theirs. If someone helps you out at work, you help them out (even if they aren't necessarily asking).

I think this is good advice and important.

 

[Misty Avich]

Wow, consider yourself lucky. Being invited out with a group of colleagues after work has never happened before for me, and I'm 34.

 

[Outdated]

From what @chameleonov has described, she's letting you know she likes you and she's feeling you out to see if it's reciprocal. That doesn't necessarily mean sexual attraction by the way, but you don't include enough information for that to be excluded either. In fact what you describe above is how almost every relationship I ever had started.

If she's reasonably good looking then she's probably used to every new employee hitting on her, and you didn't. This will have made her curious and she'll be trying to figure out why.

You should make a bit of an effort to socialise with her, no matter which way things end up going she's decided that you're different to the others and she wants to know more about you.

 

[Jonn]

Do you think this means anything. Or am I just being delusional? I am really REALLY bad at reading people and what it is supposed to mean, otherwise I wouldn't be make this thread.

Go with the flow, go for drinks, and see if anything develops, I guess.
I am hopeless at social events but it seems to be a logical progression.
Think of it as information gathering.
That is what I do.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

She finds you intriguing, let hers know your not like others, something she already can see.

 

[chameleonov]

Well, that was a variety of answers.

I'm kinda still clueless about the situation. I am not giving up my principals about not drinking alcohol, though.

 

[Hypnalis]

It's time for you to provide some more information, and ask the next question.

NB: I could do a form of this for you, but it's pointless unless you do it yourself.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Well, that was a variety of answers.

I'm kinda still clueless about the situation. I am not giving up my principals about not drinking alcohol, though.

Does not have to be alcohol, could be tea or coffee or even soft drink, that tells her something about you.

 

[grommet]

I've started at this new job last month. And there's been this lady at work I've had a few short conversations with when I started, I was trying to be friendly and ask how things work etc.. Other than that we have pretty much ignored each other and do our job. But over the weeks, one time as our shift was ending she came up to me while I was walking on my way out she sparked up a small convo, I was surprised and didn't know how to react(I was very tired as well, I could barely pay attention to what she was saying), we exchanged a few sentences, then we just said bye and I went home. Didn't really think much of it.

Weeks go by, we just nod and say hi sometimes, but that's it. And then one day this week, as I am about to take an order I need to pack, she is in queue in front of me before I can get the product I need, and I'm waiting for a minute or two and it's complete silence between us, she comes up to me and asks if I am going to for an 'after work' for drinks(with the some of the crew at work). I'm a bit disoriented, but say that I haven't planned for it.(I don't drink alcohol at all). I ask where it is at and she says they haven't decided yet and would let me know(later?).

We haven't really had any more conversations since then and, just a very short one this Friday more work related. She looks like a nice girl, maybe a little bit impulsive, but I can't really tell what to make of this.

Do you think this means anything. Or am I just being delusional? I am really REALLY bad at reading people and what it is supposed to mean, otherwise I wouldn't be make this thread.

I think she likes you, I do not know if it is as a friend or she likes you in a romantic way. She wants to spend more time together and know you better.

 

[Jonn]

I think she likes you, I do not know if it is as a friend or she likes you in a romantic way. She wants to spend more time together and know you better.

Well, it is a group thing.
Perhaps the next step might be to ask her out for a coffee.

Spoiler

Decaff, of course.

 

[chameleonov]

Well, it is a group thing.
Perhaps the next step might be to ask her out for a coffee.

Spoiler

Decaff, of course.

I think I should have been more precise with explaining. She basically said If I wanted to go on this 'after work' with her, and I said I didn't plan for it, she then said something to the tone of "oh, ok", and then I asked where it was at, she replied it was with some of the other colleagues and would let me know. My memory on this is kind of clunky, because it happened out of the blue and abruptly. At first I didn't understand what she was saying because of the noisy environment at that moment. She had to repeat herself.

I'm suspecting she might be asking on behalf of someone else who is interested having me there, but all the wibes I have been getting, everything seems to be coming from her own interest. Then again, I'm poor at reading peoples intent. The whole thing is kind of weird the way it's playing out.

 

[Misty Avich]

I think she's just including you, maybe she thinks you're a nice person (which you more than likely are of course), so she's just inviting you along.

It must be so hard to have difficulties reading people's intent, as it's something I don't find difficult. But anyway you're one step above me, I've never been asked to join colleagues in social activities after work - except for Christmas meals but those events are just inclusive for everyone and is shared by a notice pinned up on the board, not just something arranged on the spur of the moment among friends at work.

If I were you I'd just do what I want, meaning if I really didn't want to go then I'd just say "that's nice, but no thanks", and if I really did want to go then I'd say "oh, that would be nice, when/where is it?" and see what she says.

 

[Jonn]

She basically said If I wanted to go on this 'after work' with her, and I said I didn't plan for it, she then said something to the tone of "oh, ok", and then I asked where it was at, she replied it was with some of the other colleagues and would let me know.

Well, it still was an invitation to a group event.
Wasn't it after work?

I would consider the coffee thing if you are interested in her being a friend...

Spoiler

...or beyond...

 

[Jonn]

I'm suspecting she might be asking on behalf of someone else who is interested having me there, but all the wibes I have been getting, everything seems to be coming from her own interest.

Intriguing.
I suggest you go and investigate and keep your mind alert to possible scenarios.
Try to pick up clues given and situations orchestrated.

 

[Hypnalis]

Everyone is overthinking this.
There isn't enough information to figure what might be going on.

@chameleonov

The possible scenarios range from a simple work get-together (i.e. no romantic aspect) to you waking up two days later with a tattoo on your face and some organs missing (ok - the second one was a joke .

* If you want to find out, go. If you don't like it, leave after an hour.
* If you have no interest in any level of personal interaction, decline politely.
* If you can't decide, ask if it's a regular thing (or some other neutral question). If anyone specifically wants you there, you'll find out. But pay attention to what's said. If someone wants you there, the conversation will be "NT-encoded".