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My boyfriend is threatening to dump me because of me getting medical guardianship. Is that reasonable?

Dancer, I understand you are worried like crazy about this and trying to figure it out.

Please call Disability Rights New York. They are specialists in guardianship. They have lawyers.

Take a deep breath and do it.

Disability Rights New York


Disability Rights New York
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Our Mission & How We Can Help​

DRNY is a not-for-profit organization that provides free legal and advocacy services to individuals with disabilities. We work tirelessly to protect and advance the rights of children and adults with disabilities. DRNY is committed to enabling those we serve to exercise their own life choices and fully participate in community life.

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dancerxoxo123 said:
And you don't think I'm like a child right? That's what my boyfriend sometimes thinks of me as. And some other people. How can I make them stop thinking that? It's not true am I right?
Click to expand...

Frankly if I thought I was being treated in such a manner all too often, it might be another sign to look for another relationship. A relationship involves love, but IMO it also has to foster respect as well. He's not being respectful of you as your partner.

And if he's so offended over the possibility of a medical guardian, that seems to contradict his treating you like a child. Kind of a "red flag" perhaps. Do others here agree ?
 
Judge said:
Frankly if I thought I was being treated in such a manner all too often, it might be another sign to look for another relationship. A relationship involves love, but IMO it also has to foster respect as well. He's not being respectful of you as your partner.

And if he's so offended over the possibility of a medical guardian, that seems to contradict his treating you like a child. Kind of a "red flag" perhaps. Do others here agree ?
Click to expand...
YES.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
Well due to my phycological evaluation the doctor said I qualify for medical guardianship unfortunately. I don’t know why my parents are finding this necessary. It was because I was impulsive in the past and wanted to “protect me.” How can I fight this? It’s not fair to me. I want to make my own medical decisions. I am capable. Are they wrong? My parents would be pissed if I fought this. How can I deal with this situation? And yeah I am 29 I’m an adult.
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If you want your decisions respected, get a PoA set-up ASAP.

It's a power of attorney document.

You can name who you wish and add additional details about your wishes.

You would speak to a lawyer who does wills and if they can't do it, they will know who can.

I would tell them about your IQ early in the phone call so they know to not misinterpret what you say (some attorneys are cranky). If that doesn't get you good results, try not mentioning it up front for the other half of the attorneys you call.
 
WhitewaterWoman said:
Dancer, I understand you are worried like crazy about this and trying to figure it out.

Please call Disability Rights New York. They are specialists in guardianship. They have lawyers.

Take a deep breath and do it.

Disability Rights New York

Disability Rights New York
Member Login | Register | Intake
DONATE NOW
Menu

Our Mission & How We Can Help​

DRNY is a not-for-profit organization that provides free legal and advocacy services to individuals with disabilities. We work tirelessly to protect and advance the rights of children and adults with disabilities. DRNY is committed to enabling those we serve to exercise their own life choices and fully participate in community life.

​

Click to expand...
Yes I am going to check this out and call them as soon as possible!
 
Judge said:
Frankly if I thought I was being treated in such a manner all too often, it might be another sign to look for another relationship. A relationship involves love, but IMO it also has to foster respect as well. He's not being respectful of you as your partner.

And if he's so offended over the possibility of a medical guardian, that seems to contradict his treating you like a child. Kind of a "red flag" perhaps. Do others here agree ?
Click to expand...
Yeah you are right. He shouldn’t think that I am a child because I am not. Why do you think that he thinks this way?
 
Poppy98 said:
If you want your decisions respected, get a PoA set-up ASAP.

It's a power of attorney document.

You can name who you wish and add additional details about your wishes.

You would speak to a lawyer who does wills and if they can't do it, they will know who can.

I would tell them about your IQ early in the phone call so they know to not misinterpret what you say (some attorneys are cranky). If that doesn't get you good results, try not mentioning it up front for the other half of the attorneys you call.
Click to expand...
Ok yeah I can do that. Do you know what their number is? Who do I call?
 
Sometimes others talk down to us because they feel we are low intelligence. But not all intelligence can be tested for. It seems to me you are extremely fast at figuring issues out. We threw a lot of info at you and you still could maneuver quickly thru it. I would ask that you have a little more confidence in yourself. Maybe trust yourself and your opinions more. Don't look for outside validation, just power thru and trust your inner voice more. And l say this only with kindness.
 
Aspychata said:
Sometimes others talk down to us because they feel we are low intelligence. But not all intelligence can be tested for. It seems to me you are extremely fast at figuring issues out. We threw a lot of info at you and you still could maneuver quickly thru it. I would ask that you have a little more confidence in yourself. Maybe trust yourself and your opinions more. Don't look for outside validation, just power thru and trust your inner voice more. And l say this only with kindness.
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Yeah definitely I willl have more confidence in myself!
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
Yeah you are right. He shouldn’t think that I am a child because I am not. Why do you think that he thinks this way?
Click to expand...

Let's just say it doesn't look good on his part. That it looks questionable to me that he chastises you for being childish while he threatens to end the relationship if a medical guardian is appointed. As if he wants to remain in control of you because he perceives you as being child-like. And that he may have immaturity issues of his own.

Sadly some of us have a lot to say about domineering boyfriends, husbands and fathers.

Perhaps the sort of thing Dr. Sigmund Freud could probably go on an on about.
 
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Judge said:
Let's just say it doesn't look good on his part. That it looks questionable to me that he chastises you for being childish while he threatens to end the relationship if a medical guardian is appointed. As if he wants to remain in control of you because he perceives you as being child-like. And that he may have immaturity issues of his own.

Sadly some of us have a lot to say about domineering boyfriends, husbands and fathers.
Click to expand...
Yeah I think you are right. I don’t know what to do about this situation now. Mabye I could communicate better with him.
 
I feel that l can say we come across as simplistic, but we aren't simplistic. But it isn't your lifetime career to explain yourself to others WHO DON'T GET YOU.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
And you don't think I'm like a child right? That's what my boyfriend sometimes thinks of me as. And some other people. How can I make them stop thinking that? It's not true am I right?
Click to expand...
Be yourself.
Don't try to impress others.

I have childlike aspects also. Most ppl on the spectrum do.
I read a theory about this years ago, suggesting a part of the neocortex in autistic ppl doesn't develop the way it does in NTs.
I see this as a form of difference rather than disability. <shrug>
 
Summary: yes, this is helpful

WhitewaterWoman said:
Dancer, I understand you are worried like crazy about this and trying to figure it out.

Please call Disability Rights New York. They are specialists in guardianship. They have lawyers.

Take a deep breath and do it.

Disability Rights New York

Disability Rights New York
Member Login | Register | Intake
DONATE NOW
Menu

Our Mission & How We Can Help​

DRNY is a not-for-profit organization that provides free legal and advocacy services to individuals with disabilities. We work tirelessly to protect and advance the rights of children and adults with disabilities. DRNY is committed to enabling those we serve to exercise their own life choices and fully participate in community life.

​

Click to expand...
This might be smarter than calling attornies who specialize in guardianship who typically will not help the target of the guardianship. (Aka, I'm supporting your suggestion.)

Crossbreed said:
@dancerxoxo123, retaining some childlike qualities
is a part of autism,
but --by itself--
is not the basis for a guardianship.
Click to expand...
jumping off from this idea, for OP:



A guardianship is more likely to be approved if you are not able to manage your financial, legal or medical affairs.


There are also conservatorships.


So, if you want to not be under any of them, make it clear that you can manage your financial, legal and medical affairs. Be ready to prove it. The group that whitewaterwoman linked would probably help you do that.







Looking less child-like
dancerxoxo123 said:
Ok I know what you are talking about. So why do some people refer me as child like?
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Do you wear cute designs or like animated shows? For meeting with the attorney and judge, I would consider not actively showing those sorts of things if so. If you have any soothing habits like bringing stuffed animals or fingersucking, I would also consider if you can get through at least those two items without it or by hiding it in a pocket or professional bag.

It's up to what you think is best, but those changes can help.

I've noticed that my tendency to enunciate has accidentally caused people to think I'm smarter than I am. Those might help you, along with standing up straight, making eye contact as well as possible, and some other tricks.
 
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