Lost girl of my dreams due to Aspergers. PLEASE HELP!

[BradT]

You won't want to hear this, but be grateful for the experience. You are so young yet. I'm sure you learned many things from the experience that you can take with you. Sucks right now but you will move on and focus on other parts of your life for now. I'm pushing 31 and have yet to have a romantic relationship or even have sex. Kind of pathetic. There is a good chance that it will never happen for me since I missed out on gaining experience while young. It sucks.

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 30 and never had sex. I find it hard to strike a conversation with a woman and I'm afraid she'll reject me? Do you get this feeling too sometimes?

 

[Shiznown]

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 30 and never had sex. I find it hard to strike a conversation with a woman and I'm afraid she'll reject me? Do you get this feeling too sometimes?

Save for a passport and visit an asian country if you're white. I'm not joking.

 

[NTGUY]

This is very sad to hear. Coming from an NT perspective...She is the problem and not you if she knows your an aspie and hasn't taken the time to research what exactly that means and accept you for who you are. Be happy it wasn't years of your life that was wasted on her.

 

[Panthro]

There is a saying that if you love something, let it go, and if it comes back then it was meant to be. You wont want to hear this, but there is nothing that you can do right now except back off and cut off all communication. She will have to come to you if it is meant to be, your only chance is to give her space, and hopefully have her start to miss having you around. That is the only chance you have of saving this, no amount of texting or calling is going to change that. Btw, how old are you and her if you dont mind me asking?

 

[AloneNotLonely]

@AloneNotLonely, The OP had no idea he was being a "doormat." It sounds like this was his first relationship and first relationships are a giant mixture of emotions. He had no previous experience to draw on and no idea what to expect. First love is a crazy thing and I know this from first hand experience. It's an insane mixture of worry, anger, fear, elation, content, discontent, etc. For someone on the spectrum the potential exists for the experience to be much more intensely felt. I think you owe the OP an apology as he shared this experience in the hope of picking up some of the pieces and moving forward.

Simply calling it what it is. The whole reason I mention it was specifically because he had no idea he was being a doormat. First love stings like a mofo and sometimes the feeling never goes away. However, that is exactly when it is the time to let the brain take over and to listen to it no matter what foolishness the heart might be suggesting.

Save for a passport and visit an asian country if you're white. I'm not joking.

Unrelated, but never do this.

If you can't talk to women, moving to any nation where the social customs are completely different will simply get you hooked by the worst type of woman. If you can't even manage in a place where you've grown up all your life in order to pick up these customs, how will you fare in a nation that shares virtually none of it's culture with you?

 

[owlet]

You need to wait until you feel able to move on. Don't try to contact her any more (you're getting very close to stalker/harassment territory at the moment). I understand feeling obsessed, but it's not fair to yourself or her to keep going down this particular road. Try to imagine it from her perspective: someone you don't want contact with currently keeps texting you, then when you don't reply they come to your workplace and involve your colleagues. It wouldn't feel good - it would feel disrespectful. I know you probably don't intend that, but really you should have stopped when she asked you to and respected her wishes.

The sad fact is, she doesn't have to listen to your reasons and, if she doesn't want to, you shouldn't try to make her. It feels unfair, but if you got her to listen when she really didn't want to, then it would be unfair to her. I can't comment on exactly what went wrong, because to do so I would need to hear her side of things, but it's very clear you need to leave her alone and try to move on with your life. Definitely talk with your therapist about it and try to get some coping mechanisms you can use.

 

[Shiznown]

Simply calling it what it is. The whole reason I mention it was specifically because he had no idea he was being a doormat. First love stings like a mofo and sometimes the feeling never goes away. However, that is exactly when it is the time to let the brain take over and to listen to it no matter what foolishness the heart might be suggesting.



Unrelated, but never do this.

If you can't talk to women, moving to any nation where the social customs are completely different will simply get you hooked by the worst type of woman. If you can't even manage in a place where you've grown up all your life in order to pick up these customs, how will you fare in a nation that shares virtually none of it's culture with you?

Uh, you do realize dating is different in different cultures and areas, right? I live in Baltimore, where the average girl smokes and dates 5 guys at once. Why do you think I'm dating a foreigner? If it doesn't work out, I'll date another foreigner. Women are more tolerable if they are from non-sjw areas, even if the areas they come from are not ideal.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 30 and never had sex. I find it hard to strike a conversation with a woman and I'm afraid she'll reject me? Do you get this feeling too sometimes?

Save for a passport and visit an asian country if you're white. I'm not joking.

Just dont have sex with same one more than once otherwise you fall in love and marry her. No jokes!

 

[Autistamatic]

I can only speak from experience here. I've been in love a few times and every time it ended against my wishes I felt as devastated and rejected as described in the OP. The first time it happened I was 17 and I got equally obsessed with trying to set the record straight...
Not long after I hit it off with someone else and did the whole thing again, but I wasn't quite so obsessive that time. I had already experienced the light at the end of that particular tunnel and realised that I could get back out there, take a few risks with my self esteem, experience a bit of rejection but ultimately gain the closeness I wanted with someone else.
Eventually, in my thirties, I met the woman I would later marry who is still, many years later, my dear and cherished wife.
The whole idea that there is a single compatible soul-mate for everyone is a statistical nonsense. Every individual is capable of finding a mutually beneficial bond with millions of others, not just one, but if you don't put yourself at risk of rejection you'll never find any of them. It's only once you have met that person who ticks all, or most of your boxes that they become your soul-mate by mutual agreement and need. If they change over time, or you do, then that mutuality may be lost and you move on, but it doesn't mean you are lost, unlovable and destined to be lonely. You just have to get back on your horse and ride back into town.
However much you love this girl @sad guy , it's clear it's no longer mutual. I never got the chance to get out my apologies, offer my explanations or set the record straight with any of my exes, however much I wanted to. I doubt you will either, but there are plenty of women you have not yet met, and if you can fall in love with one, you can do the same again.
Good luck to you and I hope you feel better about things soon. You seem like a decent guy

 

[BradT]

Just dont have sex with same one more than once otherwise you fall in love and marry her. No jokes!

Well, I would never do that. I would rather set myself on fire than get married. lol.

 

[BradT]

I think if you get married, you're sentenced to a lifetime in prison, no joke. Being married to the same person forever depresses me.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

I think if you get married, you're sentenced to a lifetime in prison, no joke. Being married to the same person forever depresses me.

This is what you say now, try having sex and falling in love that random girl then you might not think so clearly, it clouds your judgement you will not even see any of her flaws think she's holy Mary.
Also if you don't control yourself (as topic starter) be getting more and more of that emotional drug (i mean feeling to that girl, not sex) more of a druggie you become and more your judgement will be clouded.
After being in relationship once people usually start to look for next one its like going to In-N-Out Burger for first time you remember the taste and want to experience it again.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Uh, you do realize dating is different in different cultures and areas, right? I live in Baltimore, where the average girl smokes and dates 5 guys at once. Why do you think I'm dating a foreigner? If it doesn't work out, I'll date another foreigner. Women are more tolerable if they are from non-sjw areas, even if the areas they come from are not ideal.

Wishful thinking. Just because it isn't obvious to you doesn't mean it's not there. All the East Asian nations have similar marriage and divorce laws, the same "A woman's word is gold" etc. If you date an East Asian woman in that country, you have no clue about customs and if she harbors any ill-will you are stuck in a foreign country and you can get eviscerated. If you date one in the USA... it's even easier to get accused of rape or domestic violence.

I've dated both Eastern European and Western European women. No problem with women I dated from my home country, but maybe that's because I'm quite careful since I know 99% of them are trash. It's harder to find a decent one here, but it's still ok due to rape laws not being the total insanity that they are in other western nations.

If Western women consider you to be a broken man then women from other countries will not think otherwise, you are still the same man that women do not consider to be good enough. You will end up with women that are either right up that SJW alley for "He's white, look at how progressive I am!" points (Because normal more traditional East Asian women in wealthy East Asian nations will only date men from their own country) or women that are simply poor and need a plow horse to provide money.

Also, Baltimore, eh?

Looks like Big Bill Hell's cars aren't the only thing broken down there.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

Wishful thinking. Just because it isn't obvious to you doesn't mean it's not there. All the East Asian nations have similar marriage and divorce laws, the same "A woman's word is gold" etc. If you date an East Asian woman in that country, you have no clue about customs and if she harbors any ill-will you are stuck in a foreign country and you can get eviscerated. If you date one in the USA... it's even easier to get accused of rape or domestic violence.

Yes more and more in the Korean movies i see that women in east becomes the head of the family just as in developed countries, however they just starting this shift of roles in Asia, in West this process finished by now. In Asia this takes place in developed cities, rural parts of Asia still traditional and will probably be like that for a while.

If Western women consider you to be a broken man then women from other countries will not think otherwise, you are still the same man that women do not consider to be good enough.

Basically you saying if you not "alpha male" no women in the world will want you, which is biased thinking, sounds more like excuse to not act.

You will end up with women that are either right up that SJW alley for "He's white, look at how progressive I am!" points (Because normal more traditional East Asian women in wealthy East Asian nations will only date men from their own country) or women that are simply poor and need a plow horse to provide money.

You applying current western model of women to Asian women is wrong IMO, it depends upon the person, if you go to developed parts of Asia you will find nothing different than you see in West, its the big city life style that corrupts the family institution IMO.

 

[BradT]

This is what you say now, try having sex and falling in love that random girl then you might not think so clearly, it clouds your judgement you will not even see any of her flaws think she's holy Mary.
Also if you don't control yourself (as topic starter) be getting more and more of that emotional drug (i mean feeling to that girl, not sex) more of a druggie you become and more your judgement will be clouded.
After being in relationship once people usually start to look for next one its like going to In-N-Out Burger for first time you remember the taste and want to experience it again.

One night stands will work just fine. I mean why do you think men go to the Bunny Ranch in Vegas? You really think they are looking for a relationship? I know it's different for different men, but some like me just don't want the headache of marriage.

 

[Shiznown]

I actually recommend investing in sex toys. I know it's a stigma for guys, but not with women. Society standards, right? Anyway, they do help a lot and will keep you from catching any STDs. Just make sure to look at reviews before you buy any.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

One night stands will work just fine. I mean why do you think men go to the Bunny Ranch in Vegas? You really think they are looking for a relationship? I know it's different for different men, but some like me just don't want the headache of marriage.

How much is that place hourly? I read article where they say some sex workers in Vegas charge $500-2000, "only in America" it gets that ridiculous, you can easily use this money to pay for trip to Thailand or Philippines rather than go for this old 30-40 year old workers that look like trailer trash.

 

[paloftoon]

How much is that place hourly? I read article where they say some sex workers in Vegas charge $500-2000, "only in America" it gets that ridiculous, you can easily use this money to pay for trip to Thailand or Philippines rather than go for this old 30-40 year old workers that look like trailer trash.

Going to a country can be more effort for some people than others- different looks, environment, language possibly, etc.

 

[Shiznown]

Going to a country can be more effort for some people than others- different looks, environment, language possibly, etc.

People are less picky in poorer countries, so it makes way more sense to travel in that case, plus a lot of white men love asians and a lot of asian women like white men, so it can be way easier to have relations in terms of both one night stands and relationships. It isn't quite the same with Asian American women though, but still holds true at least some of the time.

 

[paloftoon]

People are less picky in poorer countries, so it makes way more sense to travel in that case, plus a lot of white men love asians and a lot of asian women like white men, so it can be way easier to have relations in terms of both one night stands and relationships. It isn't quite the same with Asian American women though, but still holds true at least some of the time.

I wish it was the same with white men and Asian men, but it isn't, lol.