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I need help with my job Why are people mean?

Discussion in 'Education and Employment' started by Julie Gross, Mar 27, 2019.

  1. Julie Gross

    Julie Gross None Of Your Business

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    Hi I work in the sales and I sell tickets to people in an office and I have autism and I don't understand what is going on and I need some help with my job. First off I work with customers all day and I am confused by why they always are upset with me and why they always complaining and it doesn't seem to happen with anyone else but it seems to be happening to me a lot even when I don't feel like I am not doing anything wrong.

    Secondly I got written up for being late and attendance and this is my first year here and I felt like they notice when I make mistakes and not anyone else. I feel like asking why are you coming after me and not anyone else. That is how I feel and then I got written up yesterday for not validating tickets and they think its so simple that I started to feel like they were calling me stupid for making the mistake in the first place.

    Then I had a meltdown because I didn't know what was going on and it felt like they were coming after me all over again and I felt attacked and I just had a full blown panic attack yesterday and just felt like sleeping it off.

    I feel confused by what they told me they just said I am not mad over and over and we all make mistakes but I feel like they are picking on me and they are trying to get rid of me and they don't like me anymore and I feel like they are making up excuses to get rid of me and it feels like this because it happened to me before and it feels like the same thing is happening all over again.

    Also I wanted to transfer to a different location because it is too overwhelming and such and they said they would let me because they wanted me to feel comfortable and then they changed their minds and then they forced me to stay and I feel they used what i said before against me and now I am getting written up when I knew this would happen and i don't feel like I am heard I say things but they don't listen to me and I am confused and frustrated.

    They wouldn't let me transfer and then now I am getting trouble at work for the very exact thing I knew I was going to get in trouble for. I don't know what is going on. I talked to them before and they act like I never said anything. I feel like this job is turning into a joke to be honest.

    Can someone help me out please? Has anyone ever been through this before? Can anyone help me? Is there anyone who can tell me whats going on?

    I feel like I am not seeing the bigger picture.
     
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  2. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I think the first thing would be to do your best to stop the anxious thoughts of persecution. Getting in trouble for being late isn't being singled out. Don't even worry what's happening with the other employees. Just don't be late.

    Getting in trouble for not doing part of your job, i.e. validating tickets, is also not being singled out and whether or not it's easy isn't relevant, it just has to be done. And it sounds like it was fine if they said they're not mad and everyone makes mistakes. It sounds like they just want it done right, nothing to do with you personally.

    Those were the only specifics mentioned, so I don't know what else to say, but try not to think of everything so personally. A job needs to be done, and they just want it done without trouble. Individuality is irrelevant.
     
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  3. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If you like and want to keep the job, just keep doing your job, do it as well as you can, trying not to make any mistakes that they can use. Don't give them any ammunition.

    I have, in the past, had jobs that once they decided they did not like me, I was being written up left and right (things like yawning) and all things I could not be fired over. But it was like living as a caged rat, waiting for the next shock.
     
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  4. BeachLife

    BeachLife 40's woman newly diagnosed

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    I agree with both replys...maybe givevut some time, and take the above advice to just do your job and quietly stand your ground.
    if anything continues to happen, down the track that still feels like bullying, you could go over the details with a phone counsellor or autism advocate who could help clarify and validate your worries, to then approach with your company, who need to show some type of accountability if they are in fact discriminating or bullying you. I relate to what you have experienced...it's confusing . Good on you for reaching out for support- we all need a helping hand at times and that's what keeps people connected :) Good luck
     
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  5. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

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    hmm, it sounds like you are having trouble comprehending what's going on in front of you in such a potentially fast paced situation. The way you describe your situation, I think it's extreme enough that you should talk to your boss or HR 1-1 and tell them about your autism (or something else if you think it's something else) and how it's affecting your perception of things to your job properly.

    Then ask for help on what your job can do if anything. Also, be prepared for a process to possibly lose your job or to have some kind of job switchover too. I could be wrong, but my sense is that is your best way to go.
     
  6. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    Don't be late of course but if there are other issues talk to your boss. Your boss should understand your issues and be able to help you out. Good luck.
     
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  7. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think your own feeling that this customer facing job may not be drawing on your best skills is valuable insight, however I remember some very similar jobs I've done when starting out, some of which I got better at.

    Give it a bit of time, and also practice thinking about how you come over to others, what are they seeing? Can you modify how you are coming over?

    That can be helpful at work, because people don't know our feelings unless we show them or tell them, and I find they respond better to me if I can come over as calmly as possible. Bosses are not friends, beyond a certain point they just want the work done, is my experience.
     
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  8. Loren

    Loren Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Given the impact your job is having on your mental wellbeing, I would, perhaps, begin looking for a new job.

    You foresaw what could arise from continuing to work in a fast-paced environment, and you attempted to avoid potential issues, by taking appropriate action and requesting to be transferred to a slower-paced location, to no avail. Since doing so, you are being treated differently, and the pressure and uncertainty appear to be mounting.

    You seem to have given it your best. You are, now, experiencing panic attacks. If I was in your position, which I have been in the past, I would start looking for a different job. If you enjoy the type of work you do, but wish to work in a calmer environment, perhaps you could find the same type of job with a different company that would offer you the ability. Take care of yourself, and I wish you all the best!
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2019
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  9. Julie Gross

    Julie Gross None Of Your Business

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    it feels like I have customers in customer service and people in my life that seem to attack me and I don’t really know why and they seem to accuse me of being upset and accuse me of being rude and mean and I don’t know where they get that from and I am feel I am being nice and they feel like they are being mistreated but I am not doing anything and people also feel like they need to mistreat me and or abuse me and I don’t know know why.

    Also I feel I am the opposite of what people accuse me of. My family is one of those people I have no one to help me and that’s why I ask people on here because I feel like no one gets that I have autism.

    Can anyone please help? I am so confused sometimes it just seems random like people accuse me out of the blue and it feels like people are crazy.
     
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  10. Shamar

    Shamar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You need to break things down a bit. First, you are in customer service. It seems to me that being in customer service is an invitation to abuse. The customers are already angry and looking for someone to vent on. I assume you are autistic, otherwise you probably wouldn't be here. In my experience, NTs tend to sense our lack of social skills a take advantage of it. We are usually a good target for bullying, and making us feel bad make them feel good. Or at least more powerful. I don't know anything about how you relate to your family, some details might help. We can always give you moral support at least.
     
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  11. Major Tom

    Major Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Customer service is a hard job, people rarely call if they are happy about something. Usually they call when they are really pissed. I wouldn't take it personally. When people are angry, they usually aren't thinking clearly.
    I don't do customer service, but have had plenty of experience dealing with angry people. I just try to not let it bother me, or they win.
     
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  12. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    Sometimes people are really unhappy in their personal life, and it spills out of them. l see many woman that seem unhappy in their marriages that come into my store. Some men seem very controlling. l see the good and the bad of people. l have asked one set of men to leave because they were just abusive. It's funny, but men are the worse gender when it comes to being disrespectful. It's how they were raised, so l don't take it personally. Maybe you should
    take a step back and realize there are a lot of stressed, unhappy, sad people.
    It has nothing to do with you.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019
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  13. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Often my "neutral" face appears to NTs as being "sullen." That can trigger a bad response in some.
     
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  14. Lysander

    Lysander Well-Known Member

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    Customers are rude because they feel entitled. That feeling turns a lot of people into assholes.

    Family members are similar to customers because they know you love them no matter what (or at least that you're stuck with them), so they pull b.s.
     
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  15. Isadoorian

    Isadoorian Well Known Chat Member, Welcomer of Newcomers V.I.P Member

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    Lots of Customers tend to be rude; plus, you're dealing with the General Public to boot.

    And as Obi-Wan Kenobi would put it, "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019
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  16. AloneNotLonely

    AloneNotLonely Well-Known Member

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    Do they call you Gross? Because I think I might have found the problem...

    Terribly sorry for the lame joke, it seems I am in a giggly mood today and just can't help myself.

    People in customer service (especially call centres) seem to get abused a lot. I used to know a girl online that worked at a call centre. She was definitely not the weak type, but once started crying on Skype after having a bad day at work. This was not a super good friend or something, but it just overwhelmed her I guess. So your experience does not seem out of the ordinary. A gf also told me of terrible experiences at a callcentre, but she was just laughing about all the weird dumb assholes and always had super funny stories. I guess there's 2 ways to look at it.

    The other thing is that people hate Autistics. I have always been hated, only once I started to put on my happy mask and excessive charm (when I feel like it :p ) did it stop, and people started to love me instead. Eventually people will still hate you, especially co-workers since it's impossible to work with someone while being the super happy awesome person, because co-workers will take advantage of that and as soon as you let them know you can't be messed with you will be hated and considered weird.
     
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  17. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    If a lot off people say that you seem upset, rude or mean, it's probably because you seem upset, rude or mean. Clearly your appearance and behaviour is being seen differently by others from how you perceive or intend it.
     
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  18. Peter Morrison

    Peter Morrison Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Without visuals and a real life example of rudeness, it's hard to find fault with what you might be doing. You can ignore the customers' attitudes. They come with the territory. For yourself, though, if your own attitude about customer service is tainted by apathy, all those signs become clear to anyone around you. It comes out in sullen facial expressions, slow movements, limited concern about your job, and poor communication. The best customer service personnel show drive, energy, and product knowledge. You don't have to interact with customers as if they are your buddies, but you do have to assist them in reaching whatever goal they have in mind. Focus on the customer's needs and take them seriously.

    There is an expectation by customers when dealing with the person who represents an entire operation. They are talking to you as the connection to solving a problem or getting satisfaction in some quest, so if you are ineffective, you are seen as worthless. We all know what that is like because we have been that customer.

    You might ask your boss or coworkers for their opinions. There is an art to customer service, and it may not come to you naturally. Whatever ASD is doing to you is your own private affair. Every day at work is a new learning opportunity. Learn what makes you a good customer service representative.
     
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  19. Julie Gross

    Julie Gross None Of Your Business

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    I don’t understand what is going on when I talk to people. I feel like when I was working with the general public, I don’t know what this is or if it was just me or what but it seemed like customers for instance would get really mad at me a lot and it seemed random.

    Also it seems like customers would rather talk to a manager a lot because they told me is there “ someone else I can talk to”and then one of the supervisors told me that the customers just want to vent but they are never around so I don’t know why they are saying this. It’s like they don’t want to help me.

    I feel like I get told one thing by one person and then another person tells me something else. I don’t get it. It seems to happen a lot.

    Also customers don’t seem to like how I say things and they always get confused when I talk to them and I can’t help them when they are confused. I feel like I don’t know what to do.

    It feels like people at work got mad me a lot when I asked for help and they said can you ask someone else and they didn’t seem happy with me when I asked them questions and another supervisor got mad saying we talked about this in the meeting and I forgot and I was asking to double check and she seemed irritated. I don’t understand why people are acting this way I feel I am missing a social cue or something like one time one person said don’t point and I feel like it’s obvious at times I have autism but they call me stupid instead and I don’t understand why.

    I feel like a lot of people call me stupid a lot and I don’t know what I did that made them say this. I am autistic not stupid. I don’t talk much I get that I am non verbal but when I do talk to people also don’t listen to me either.

    Can anyone else help me with this?
     
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  20. Julie Gross

    Julie Gross None Of Your Business

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    I work at a job where I sell tickets to people. I have a question about something I experienced with this one other person (customer) . I didn’t understand. So I was at my desk and I was selling something to this customer and all of a sudden she accused me of being rude.

    I wasn’t being rude my intention wasn’t to be rude or mean whatsoever my main focus was to help her as much as possible. It just seemed really random to me. Then she wouldn’t listen she just would continuously accuse me of being rude and she wouldn’t stop talking. She rambled on and on about how rude I was.

    Then she acted like she was extremely offended by what I did. She made me seem like the bad guy on purpose. Then I heard her say “if your going to be rude to me then I will be rude to you”. It didn’t make sense! I wasn’t rude to begin with and it seemed like a joke. She wouldn’t leave me alone about me being rude and she acted like a child repeating the same thing over and over and then the next day she complained about me to my manager.

    It was embarrassing I’ll admit but this isn’t the only time it happened what makes NT people act like this all of sudden. Another situation I was in where the customer was rude to me and poked fun at me and then complained to me to a manager when I didn’t do anything wrong. She complained because it seemed like I threw money at her but it really flew out of my hand and I understand why every time I work in customer service the customers always complain about me. It makes me confused, frustrated, angry and sad all at the same time.

    I am just wondering why this is happening that’s all. Thank you.
     
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