I need help with my job Why are people mean?

[Fridgemagnetman]

All you need is a strategy.

It doesn't matter if you were rude or not - if they think you are.

Did you apologise? (you don't need to be sorry, you're in customer service - it's part of the game)

Your scenario isn't specific enough to get better help.
What exactly was said?


Write down a few things that are going wrong.
Get a category for each (being accused of being rude.when you're not) - develop a strategy - some words that sound nice which will get them to stop)

Break things down into small bits,post an example on here - easier for people to suggest a future strategy on here.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Often tone of voice, a smile can be what they expect.

If that isn't there. (what they expect) they can switch to ''rude'

So you have to learn to give them what they expect.

We all know it's nonsense but it gets the job done.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

I've been called stupid and far worse before. Don't take it too personally, those who jump to those sorts of conclusions based on minimal evidence are saying more about themselves than anything else.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

This isn’t the job for me then because I don’t know how to give people what they want and what they expect, but at least they didn’t fire me. I can’t smile at someone when I go into autism meltdown I didn’t move I just sat there. I froze I was scared of her she looked like she was going to reach over and strangle me over a thing I didn’t get. What am I not being specific about? I just told you what I remember that’s all and I can’t remember anything else to tell you.

It seems you're reading a few things into it.

I never said to smile when you're in a meltdown... Before.

There may be a pattern of things that causes people to think you're rude.

More specific is - what happened ?

One incidient. What was said?

The assumption 'this isnt the job for me then ' ' i cant give people what you expect.

Is not true.

You can learn . I've already tried to give you ideas ---thout knowing specifically what happened.

Start writing things down,it can give you distance,help you spot patterns.

 

[the_tortoise]

Do you make eye contact at all?

Sometimes people think that lack of eye contact is intentional rudeness -- like you are signaling "I don't care what you're saying to me/I'm not listening/please stop talking to me right now". On the flip side, if you make too much eye contact or are perceived as staring at people then that can also be considered rude (like you are staring people down or something, being aggressive).

Can you hear your own tone of voice?

If you have a flat tone of voice that can be mistaken as an angry or sarcastic or bored tone of voice, and any of those tones in a customer service role can be interpreted as rudeness towards the customer. (I think what happens is that people get nervous when they can't read tone, and assume the worst.)

Are you generally aware of your own facial expression?

Sometimes having a flat sort of facial expression can also make people think you are angry/sarcastic/bored/upset with them. If you have difficulty with facial expressions, one thing you might try is to practice in front of a mirror to see if you can develop more awareness of what your own face looks like at different times. (If you can't recognize/read facial expressions in others then it might be useful to have someone else help you with this exercise instead of using a mirror, they can give you feedback about your facial expression.)

It could also be your word-choice/how you phrase things....what you say or don't say; People do a lot of "reading between the lines".

There are also customers that get irate and lash out over nothing (at least nothing to do with you). They are in a bad mood, having a hard time in life, or maybe are just generally not-nice to others and they take it out on you.....it happens (and then managers are supposed to step in to protect you -- and then these people will take it out on your manager instead).

It would be useful if you had someone who could give you concrete, specific feedback on what may be happening to cause people to perceive you as rude -- if you are doing anything at all.

Maybe you could check with a local autism society or a vocational rehabilitation service and ask about job coaching?

 

[paloftoon]

Maybe talk to HR and ask if they know of any office of vocational rehabilitation organization you could reach out to that might offer job coaches or training to help you work with these anxious situations.