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How do you feel about hugs ?

Daniela

Well-Known Member
So Yesterdat, becouse I was going to have my new years eve at home, I decided that on the day time, I would do something productive, and that would bring joy to other people, so I webt to my second near city and did my thing.
Then I went to a ladys house that I know to give her a card, like a thankyou card, for new year and so.
I actualy found her on the street and she invited me to come in. And I went. I´ve new this lady, like I saw her tree times , and in one of those times , I was with an other lady (this lady lets call her L. She is realy sweet, I went to her house a lot, and shes like a granny to me. ) And so, I was okay to going on to this lady house.
Okay, I get there, shes all like get confortable, wich is normal, and she showed picures of her son, and she showed me the room where she has other stuff....and then ...she hugged me.
It was an out of the blue hug, she didnt say she wanted she didnt extended her arms...she just hugged me, and it was an intense hug... And I felt as if I was ...violated our something (edit: I changed the words becouse there was people that where feeling a litle bit unconfortable with it, I just want to clarify I did not used the word lightly. I know what I was talking about thats why I used that word, I did not wanted in anyway to ofend or ridiculize victems of sexual abuse. ), I felt so unconfortable , that I got the out of there like , realy fast.
... The thing is, I´m okay with hugs, as long as they are from some other people.
Like I think the hug shouldnt be given at that time, normal people would hug you in certain times only, like my pastor, like for me , hes my dad, so I like hes hugs, but he allways asks for a hug, our he just calls my name and strech hes arms out, but this are in specific moments that are apropriate for hugs, like when he sees me for the first time, our when hes about to leave our something. Its diferent.
SO...I gess my questions are, Have you ever felt like me when hugged ? And how do you feel about hugs ?
Thank you !
 
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I feel enormously complimented when hugged, but very uncomfortable and really leave my body, I guess and cannot wait for it to end.

I ask if someone wants a hug, because I can never be sure if they want one or not. But rarely give hugs.

I am ok with my hubby hugging me, but feel almost nothing.

I wouldn't wish to tell others I don't do hugs, because I value the reason for hugging.
 
- Yes I have felt like that. I'm sorry it happened to you.

- How I feel about physical hugs depends on 1. how I feel about the environment I'm in, 2. my senses at the time, and 3. who the other person is in relation to me. Virtual hugs, from understanding people such as on AC here are almost always nice and I appreciate them a lot.
 
Hugs are a quandary for me because of how they make me feel. I do not mind being hugged, however I feel somewhat uncomfortable if I am being hugged by a male. That uncomfortable feeling is not there when I am being hugged by a female. This makes me feel somewhat sexist, which I try very hard not to be. I truly believe that men and women are equal. It makes me feel like down, deep inside I really am sexist. I think that is why I never hug anyone first.
 
Sometimes I have felt as though a person is taking a hug rather than giving a hug. It's kinda like they need a hug and use me to fulfil that need, without there being the understanding that I can 'opt out' of hugging them, if I want to.
 
I recently attended a large family gathering and only hugged the hostess, (my Aunt) and suffered a few of those light, barely touching hugs that irritate because of the lightness of it. But from a beloved niece who is now all grown up, I enjoyed her "bear hug," because it was sincere and I felt just as glad to see her. And a cousin whom I had not seen for ages, also gave me a good sincere hug. Under those circumstances, I did not feel repelled.

Well, in response to Daniela, I would have felt VERY uncomfortable if someone took me into the bedroom and then hugged me. Even if it had not been such an intense hug, the circumstances would have been suspect. After all, wouldn't it have made more sense to hug you when you first arrived? Like you, I would have got the hell out of there. I am not a big fan of hugs, but from the right person at the right time, that can be quite pleasant and comforting. I usually accept hugs from my husband, but even with him there are times when I beg off because it doesn't seem sincere, and I don't like the feeling of being invaded.
 
For me, with hugs, it's all or nothing. It's either "Please don't touch me" or a great big passionate bear hug. Guess which one happens more often...
 
For me it depends on who the other person is and the type of hug wanted or expected.

Bear hugs I don't do at all, ever, period.

Normal hugs okay with five or six people I know.

Romantic/passionate hug - only if you are my partner or FWB.

Socialite hug, the hands on the shoulders sort that usually comes with air kissing near each other's cheek, fine, that's expected in some of the circles I socialize with and, it's just a social formality so, that's cool.
 
I find hugs (giving or receiving) very hard. I very quickly want out. However I'm often desperate for human contact. I only have my parents so I sometime ask, though I don't live with them I love close.)
 
I can see why that would have been uncomfortable, Daniela.

I actually like hugs from most people, though it isn't so simple. I am uncomfortably hyper-aware before, during and after, and always confused as to what the exchange was really about. With family, I know it is to show affection, familiarity, closeness, caring, comfort. With others, I get an almost overwhelming sensation, like an electric charge running through my body and then that confusion, which can affect me for an hour or so. Was that appropriate? Why did they want to hug me? What did that mean? It's kind of thrilling, like a roller coaster ride.

I rarely initiate, though, except with family. Even then, not so much.
 
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If it's someone I don't know very well or a family member sometimes it's kind of awkward to where there hugging me and I'm just like "yay....now could you please let go of me this is very awkward for me." Girls I've dated notice this to where they have to kind of get me accustomed to it then it's automatic in my head where it's like "this is a sign of affection from someone that loves you so do it back" other than that it's a very awkward moment for me especially when someone says hug them back then I'm actually doing something that makes me uncomfortable. The first time that situation happened I kind of felt violated
 
I've always told people, "I'm not a hugger". I'll do it, with a big, fake, smile, if I'm warned ahead of time, but I do not like it. Except for from my husband, obviously. That's cool.

I don't know if feeling "raped" is quite the right comparison, but it definitely feels like a radical invasion of my space.
 
I've always told people, "I'm not a hugger". I'll do it, with a big, fake, smile, if I'm warned ahead of time, but I do not like it. Except for from my husband, obviously. That's cool.

I don't know if feeling "raped" is quite the right comparison, but it definitely feels like a radical invasion of my space.
It was like a whole big deal with my aunt when I was younger. You're right that was a strong word and kind of insensitive to use but it's like I'm not sure I wanna be normal but hugging from people other than girlfriend and parents is like pulling teeth for me
 
I am an adult man, I do not get many hugs. As a kid it was nothing I particularly cared for and was pretty annoying(especially when your relatives are drunk)
 

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