Bullying at School/Work

[SRSAutistic]

In high school (secondary school), I was physically bullied. Please reply to this thread.

1. Have you ever been bullied at school or work?

2. Why do bullies target us autistics?

3. Why are we autistics often bullied at school and at work?

 

[Aspychata]

The funny thing l realized being at this site for awhile, all kinds of people are bullied at school and work for all kinds of different reasons.

But our stims, our strange remarks, being non-conformist, avoiding people's eyes, black and white thinking probably works against us. However, l think quirky people are finding more acceptance due to movies, tv shows. But l am sure there are others with more indept thoughts than this.

 

[VictorR]

1. Yes to both.

2/3. As @Aspychata and @Forest Cat state, why people engage in bullying and other forms of discrimination and othering can be varied, but the more different one is, the more likely they are to stand out and potentially be targeted.

 

[Thinx]

I was fine at school, but I got bullied a few times at work. I would add I think I offered significant and well thought out responses to any such behaviours, which did leave a number of workplace bullies wishing they hadn't.

At least we often have great thinking skills, and are prepared to be persevering in unmasking bad behaviours. I wasn't underhand, just effective at calling out their behaviours.

 

[Knower of nothing]

I think it's an old social filtration system to maintain a status quo and weed out unwanted behavior through shame, abuse or exile. We all share the capacity for partaking in it, though there are obvious patterns in who ends up being the victim most often just through majority rule.
On a personal level the system is expressed through the incentive of satisfying egoism, sadism and gaining social status. Which I think is all tied to physiological triggers.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I was bullied in high school buy guys and ignored mostly by girls which is why I don't like to hang out with guys and I am told I am obsessed with girls.

 

[Au Naturel]

The "why" is because we don't have a social support structure and are often unathletic. Bullies target the weak. That is about all there is to it.

 

[Alexej]

In high school (secondary school), I was physically bullied. Please reply to this thread.
1. Have you ever been bullied at school or work?
2. Why do bullies target us autistics?
3. Why are we autistics often bullied at school and at work?

1. not bullied, but have been harassed.
2. we are different, and if you are different you get picked on
3. we have a lack of guile, tend to take people at face value and so are suitable for their "sport"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

In high school I was and the worst part is that the administration knew about it and how bad it truly was but refused to help me and chose to blame me and even told my family that it was all my fault. The principal only admitted to my dad that it was actually as bad as I had said it was and was never my fault and that he (the principal) should have done more to help me right before he died. The man died from cancer and after hearing what he told my dad, I hope his death was slow and painful as a way to make him suffer and force him to regret not helping me and causing me to have this massive mental health meltdown less than a month after graduating high school. I just snapped inside my head and just started to act crazy and I purposely walked out of a store with unpaid merchandise and allowed myself to be caught because I had nothing else to live for. It was the only way I could think of to get someone to actually listen to how miserable I was and make it clear that something was horribly wrong with me and this was a cry for help. I actually thought going to jail was better than going home. That is what years of bullying did to me and my dad still doesn’t quite get it. No matter where I was, someone was bullying me and I had to escape from everything.

 

[frederic]

In high school (secondary school), I was physically bullied. Please reply to this thread.

1. Have you ever been bullied at school or work?

Absolutely. Interestingly, not in elementary/early high school. Because I was athletic I could interact on a physical level. As I progressed into senior high, things became more social and I just couldn't relate on that level and started to show signs of anxiety/depression. And I realise now that my A/D was/is a result of my sense of alienation.

 

[Magna]

The worst bullying I experienced was in grade school and middle school aka "Junior High School". There was a bit in high school as well, but it tapered off mostly by then. That could have been because I was accepted into and befriended by the punk and new wave group and some of my comrades were pretty menacing and definitely shocking looking.

In grade school I not only experienced bullying by some fellow students, but I also experienced systemic discrimination based on practices and rules dictated by the teachers themselves.

The systemic issues centered around how recess and group play were structured. Prior to recess, the teacher would select two "captains" who would then stand up in front of the class. Generally the captains were students with advanced athletic ability. The captains would take turns selecting classmates they wanted on their respective team for recess games such as kickball, etc. Each student selected would stand up in front of the rest of the class next to their captain until all students were selected.

I was very uncoordinated as a child and walked with an abnormal "pigeon-toed" gait (of which I was regularly teased about and made fun of through imitation). In most cases I was the last student picked for group play. For a boy in the 1970s it was crushing and humiliating since back then there was much more of a traditional view of boys and girls; my self-esteem suffered greatly as a result. Not completely however since I excelled academically which a good number of my fellow classmates did not.

 

[Nick12]

i was very verry verry lucky only one kid bullyed me at caldwell school her name was april and when she was not nice to me i went to tell a teacher and the teacher took care of it i was well liked at caldwell school by every on expect april it was the best school ever that i went to

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

i was very verry verry lucky only one kid bullyed me at caldwell school her name was april and when she was not nice to me i went to tell a teacher and the teacher took care of it i was well liked at caldwell school by every on expect april it was the best school ever that i went to

i can't imagine that being me by girls in school being teased,it occured less often than it did.

 

[ShaunG]

In high school (secondary school), I was physically bullied. Please reply to this thread.

1. Have you ever been bullied at school or work?

2. Why do bullies target us autistics?

3. Why are we autistics often bullied at school and at work?

I am 61 and some people still think they can bully me.

 

[Stella lange]

In high school (secondary school), I was physically bullied. Please reply to this thread.

1. Have you ever been bullied at school or work?

2. Why do bullies target us autistics?

3. Why are we autistics often bullied at school and at work?

Yes, at high school, by boys (i am a cis girl), i dont know why, i guess they thought it was fun for them. It wasnt for me, i had a close group of friends —- so avoided and ignored the bullies. it was slurs and name calling - and upsetting. Met one as an adult - and he acted like we should be friends - i actually think he thought what he did at school wasnt a big deal, but it was so I ignored him. And again at work - the funny thing there is that it was by a women who’s son is autistic. That was weird - but she didnt communicate well and miss-read intent into my actions, and blamed me for things beyond our control. My manager didnt take it seriously as she said “you dont look upset” —-but HR and the union took it seriously. They had to.

 

[GypsyMoth]

In high school (secondary school), I was physically bullied. Please reply to this thread.

1. Have you ever been bullied at school or work?

2. Why do bullies target us autistics?

3. Why are we autistics often bullied at school and at work?

I ran into this a couple of weeks ago--it's a resource for people who are being or have been bullied.
Maybe it will help someone:

https://workplacebullying.org/start-here/

 

[Jordy]

The "why" is because we don't have a social support structure and are often unathletic. Bullies target the weak. That is about all there is to it.

This is true, I have not once in my life been bullied at school when i was with a friend.

 

[DogzSpirit]

The bully is usually a very unhappy person.

It was always a handful of people that bullied me. Never the majority. Most were afraid, and stayed clear for fear they would become targets.

Never the majority, for most people do not come from the families these children come from.

My mother explained this to me. She said the segment of the population that become bullies, often come from dysfunctional homes. These children that bully, are brought up in households where they have been either intimidated emotionally/emotionally abused, made to feel helpless and/or even physically abused.

It's a rather subconscious act when a person becomes a bully. They enter school and quickly figure out that they can finally be powerful, unlike at home. This makes them feel powerful. They are no longer the victim, but the person holding that power over another. They enlist friends who either come from that environment, or enlist other students to follow suit and bully alongside of them via fear.

And yes, the best targets are those who appear helpless, weak, shy or different. Even better if those targets do not have friends to back them up when approached.

Damaged goods she called them. People to be pitied. Together, she and I worked around tactics to deal with that population.

I met one of them (an ex-bully from grade school) on the FaceBook format, 40 years later. I had simply been posting new puppy videos. Nothing better than a dog video! As you can imagine is quite the joyful time in our lives.

I had been encouraged to 'friend' this person, via a grade school classmate/acquaintance. I said ok Bonnie yeah ok sure. What the H... FB means little to me eh. Next thing I know, the ex-bully person messaged me on her birthday and to be polite I said oh it's your birthday.. HB so and so.

She flies down my throat and says Happy???? Oh yeah, you have that happy life of yours. What do you know of my miserable life!

Just goes to show, yeah all that is true. The bullies are miserable, often abused unhappy people. Truly damaged goods as my mom would explain. You wouldn't want their lives.

 

[GypsyMoth]

I was bullied extensively at my last job. There came a point, though, when I had to decide whether or not I was going to accept the false narrative being created. I decided I wasn't going to accept it.

Some things that didn't help:
- tried seeking help from management. Bad idea! They denied it was happening & their actions perpetuated it further. In the end, they decided I was the bully.
- tried talking with co-workers. Not a good idea! It led to rumors & no one wanted to get involved. It also led to additional bullying by a socially savvy co-worker wanting to gain favor with our supervisor.

Some things I did that helped:
- looked into what the laws said. It turned out our state did have anti-bullying laws but were not enforced.
- talked with my union rep about it. While I don't think they actually did anything, I found out later that just by my being in the union helped protect me in my job from further bullying from management.
- talked with husband about it
- sought help from my pastor & friends at church

I couldn't change my situation because I really needed the job. Eventually, I chose to further my education. While there, I took a class on developing communication skills with difficult people and several classes in applied psychology. More than anything else, the communications class really helped. It helped me to hear what was really being said and how to be proactive. But the skills need to be kept up on are apparently the kinds of things you have to keep practicing. I haven't been in that situation in a while, so I'm a bit rusty on the things I learned.

I learned that "targets" end to be smarter and more capable than the people who are bullying them. Also, the majority of people who have been bullied at work tend to go on to better jobs where they earn more pay.

I hope this helps encourage anyone going through this. Those of you who are going through this, you have my sympathies.

 

[GypsyMoth]

...I learned that "targets" end to be smarter and ...

Edit: end = tend

Sorry!