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A help program for autistic people in college... which I do not desire

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by HappynessMad, Aug 13, 2019.

  1. HappynessMad

    HappynessMad Uncertainly...

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    I am about to enter my freshman year in college.

    I was just enrolled into this program which is primarily designed to help autistic people in the college (academic coaches that look over you in classes, a "conversation club" forcing you to remind yourself of social cues and the like, workshops, etc).

    Now, let's be real. It's good that this program exists for autistic people. I am an autistic person. Did I sign myself up for this? Yes, but impulsively.

    I felt shoehorned and forced to by my family; parents. What happened was that I met up with the college's services for accommodations and they told me and my family (in the meeting... regrettably) about this program. Unknowingly, I was all like "Well okay... let's see how it goes." They referred me and I went to a meeting for this program. Turns out that they have what I described above (coaches that look over you in class, this conversation club that you have to take at least once a week despite my social skills being decent).

    (Problem is that I do not have struggles that should really cause me to be in this program. In high school, I barely had any issue just because I was autistic, nevermind I was on accommodations for testing. Only troubles I had was just at least a few bullies in my classes that tried to scare me and I just fought back. Luckily I made out of high school. No teacher or educator thought I was a burden. I made friends both in- and out- of high school. I have social skills. I feel confident talking to people, at least 65% of the time. I even did volunteer service. However... although my family is generally supportive of me, we all struggle still. They struggle with my growing up and how to understand me. I guess they don't care how I feel, even if I TRIED to tell them.)

    Look, I am not saying they are bad. But yeah, my family made me sign and agree to just everything. I didn't know what I was signing up for. I thought I was forced to or else. I can't believe my decision. I acknowledge the other side is going to say "Well they are your family/parents, you should have the power to talk to them. Or you gotta listen. They just wanna help." (this is all paid for by the way, at least the first year).

    Yeah totally. However I am over 18 at the time of this post. I am pretty dependent, I still live at my parent's house and I don't drive yet.

    I feel weak just for being this age and not being able to bring my case up.

    How does this all make you feel?

    Tell me what can you really say about this. Anything not making sense? Let me know.
     
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  2. KennQuiet

    KennQuiet New Member

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    Be assertive, especially if you pay rent at home. I know a fear of standing up to my parents was not paying rent and them evicting my ass. If you dont, start off small, say no politely and respectfully.
    Something like, "mom, dad, I know my self and this program isnt for me. I will not t a's ke it because I dont need to. I appreciate the love and attention you give to my autism, but I feel I'm independent enough to manage on my own".
     
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  3. HappynessMad

    HappynessMad Uncertainly...

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    I don't pay for rent nor is my parent's home rented (bought complete), but I will take in what you say. Did your own parents evict you really?
     
  4. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm really uncomfortable with "mandatory conversation club". I'm really uncomfortable with being watched in class, too, though having an extra support that you can go to for help would be a good thing.

    If your parents won't listen I'd just go to the school and say you felt pressured by your parents being there and you don't want to do it. I doubt that they can really force you.
     
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  5. Graphin

    Graphin Apple curler V.I.P Member

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    This is a sign that you may benefit from social skills training, but likely in other areas than they are offering.

    What happens if you just don't attend? What can they do?
    Neither your parents or school should be able to force you into that, though I am not able to assess whether they actually can.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2019
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  6. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    It's not really any of your parents business. If you don't want to do it, contact the organiser and tell them you no longer wish to be a part of the programme.

    That said, college is very different than high school, you may not find it an easy as you seem to think you will. Why not attend the programme for a while and see how it goes? You can pull out later if you want. If nothing else the weekly conversations will help you make friends, and extra academic assistance is always a good thing to have.

    This suggests to me that your social skills may still need a little help.
     
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  7. KennQuiet

    KennQuiet New Member

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    In his defense, being assertive isn't easy easy. I know plenty of non autistics that are yes men and women. The point hear is, will this conversation club help with assertiveness? If it does, jumping on that in of itself us valuable.
     
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  8. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    True. To be honest I think communication and assertiveness skills training is something most people would benefit from, ND and NT. If I had the opportunity I would jump on it.
     
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  9. Catana

    Catana Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Quietly drop out. If anyone questions you, explain once and refuse to be drawn into a discussion. You're legally an adult, even if you're living with your parents. Next time something like this comes up, pay more attention before you "sign on the dotted line."
     
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  10. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    I think you may find college a lot harder than you expect. There are lots of autistic people who did well in H.S. and then crash two or three years into college. I recommend you try out the group and see how it goes. You can always drop out of that support program if you feel it's a waste of time.
     
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  11. Kevin1968

    Kevin1968 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    What would you be doing if you weren't attending the course/program events?

    Does it cost you time or money that you would actually use in a better way?

    Knowledge is valuable, take it whenever and wherever you can.
     
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  12. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    If you don’t want to go, don’t go.

    You are the best placed to know what you do and do not need. You can’t make other people listen to or trust your judgement and self-knowledge but that doesn’t mean you have to give it up and just go along with whatever they say.
     
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  13. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I tend towards the adage 'if it's not broke don't fix it'.
     
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  14. BlueSky Aozora

    BlueSky Aozora Well-Known Member

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    That course sounds beneficial.

    Nevertheless, kinda understand the feeling of "kinda being forced". I'm too in similar situation - I've been signed up by my boss to attend a training program.

    It's kinda hard to decline you know, because although not really necessary/suitable for my field, the training program is good & will provide me more expertise; what excuse i can use to decline anyway; kinda hard to decline something decided by higher-ups because they give us opportunity to attend the training..

    Moreover, like somebody said previously, "even if you dont go to the training, what will you use the time & money for?" I had another plan in my mind to do my many other tasks with some breathing space, but i cant even trust myself that i will actually use the time properly if i dont go to the training... I do feel interested but in the same time, i worry if i will have enough time or not feeling overwhelmed to do my other tasks if i attend this program.

    I dont even properly know if i want to go or want to not go. Wonder how other people can always decide clearly.

    Just thinking about this makes me worry & less productive. To go or not to go.. To tell the boss or just go with the flow..

    Sorry for ranting. It's just i feel our situation is kinda similar.
     
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  15. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'd find out if there's actually some reason why you're 'forced to' participate, and what the consequences are of dropping out. There shouldn't be any, but it may not be as simple as "just don't show up".

    It sounds more like it's "forced participation in small talk" to me. It actually sounds pretty demeaning if you're even remotely capable of socializing. Maybe that's just the way it was presented (to us or to OP) but that's my impression.

    I've heard before of disabled/disadvantaged people being forced/guided/coerced into special programs (whether they need it or not) - sometimes it's not so much as "you must do this" as "we know you have X disability and we're going to refuse to discuss anything that isn't a special program for X disability regardless of the fact that you've told us very clearly that you're not interested in these programs." It's enough to make me want to walk out with both middle fingers held high.

    I hope that's not what's going on at your workplace. Frankly if I were forced into a program like that at work I would be LIVID.

    As for training, though, I have to take a whole bunch of training that really isn't relevant to my job. We all do, it's kind of a running joke in the workplace.
     
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  16. HappynessMad

    HappynessMad Uncertainly...

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    Yep.

    Well, I have been told that support might "decrease" over time
    It may be a benefit, but I still don't want it. I don't know what happens if I don't attend. I think its natural that I don't. I can't be treated like a child at college.
     
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  17. Graphin

    Graphin Apple curler V.I.P Member

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    Also as a tip, you are much more likely to get taken seriously by everyone if you attend at least once.
    Apart from that, the only thing you can do is try to get out.
     
  18. HappynessMad

    HappynessMad Uncertainly...

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    No need to apologize lol.

    But yeah. This is all paid for, mind you. It does not matter. I got other things to worry about than having temporary friends that only serve a job; talking and just taking time. I don't want any of that, nor do I want this. I think I plan on just not showing up until they question me.
     
  19. HappynessMad

    HappynessMad Uncertainly...

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    Yeah. I forgot to mention this but... as part of the Program, its optional to go to this and other activities in it (besides coaching), because I can terminate this agreement. Even though this is an option, I feel compelled to just leave after a few sessions. I wanted to express my feelings because of this impulsive decision I make and see how I can grow from it.
     
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  20. HappynessMad

    HappynessMad Uncertainly...

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    Thank you. The semester has not even started yet and I hope to God that next semester will be less of this should I take proper precautions.